Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Engagement Nightmare

50 replies

bridetobe101 · 29/05/2023 21:52

I am really struggling at the moment. Approximately one week after getting engaged my Mom fell out with me and my now fiancé. My Mom erupted at what was essentially a small engagement party for us. When I got in touch with her afterwards to tell her how upset I was and that I would really like it if she could apologise, she has refused. I have distanced myself but I am being made to feel like the worst daughter ever. It’s so upsetting and what was meant to be a happy time has been not very happy at all. I just needed a place to share this and wondered if there are any others who have been in a similar situation? With love, a very stressed bride to be :(

OP posts:
FourEyesGood · 29/05/2023 21:53

What was the cause of the falling out?

Joopy · 29/05/2023 21:53

We can't decide until we know why you all fell out.....

MargotDeWitt · 29/05/2023 21:53

Need more info. What was it that made her erupt?

OrwellianTimes · 29/05/2023 21:54

We need more info, what did you fall out over? What’s your relationship been like previously?

Frumpylumpyvixen · 29/05/2023 21:55

Congratulations on your engagement 🎉

Opplesandbononos · 29/05/2023 21:56

Yep, we need more details

Littlethingsmeanalot · 29/05/2023 21:59

You kinda need to say why she erupted

AnneLovesGilbert · 29/05/2023 22:00

What happened?

redheadcurl · 29/05/2023 22:00

??

TheHandbag · 29/05/2023 22:01

How old are you? You sound very young and could this be the reason why your mum was angry?

Original poster
bridetobe101 · 29/05/2023 22:03

Sorry everyone, that would have been helpful wouldn’t it! Basically we were sat at the dinner table Mom started shouting nasty things about my next door neighbours (long story for another time) my fiancé asks her politely to stop as we are attached to them and the bifold door was wide open so it was quite embarrassing. She didn’t stop so he asked her again with more authority and she stormed off calling him a bully and proceeded to tell me that I can deal with bullies and she can’t. I’m usually super close with my mom but she has a tendency erupt over seemingly small things at events. she was being called out for her childish behaviour and didn’t like it basically.

OP posts:
BasiliskStare · 29/05/2023 22:05

Could you just have closed the door ?

Aquamarine1029 · 29/05/2023 22:07

Why didn't you tell your mum to pack it in? She sounds obnoxious.

LookItsMeAgain · 29/05/2023 22:08

Ignore you mother.
Don't make any contact for a few days.
When she gets back in touch ask her how she's been and if she's had an opportunity to think over what you've said to her and if she's ready to apologise yet. If she is, great and move on. If not, say that's fine, we'll be here when you're ready to apologise. Then hang up!

Repeat.

That's my advice.

LookItsMeAgain · 29/05/2023 22:08

Oh and congratulations on your engagement!

Wildspace · 29/05/2023 22:12

Let her be and crack on with the wedding planning. You’ve laid out what you’ve requested from her. Congrats on your engagement!

OrwellianTimes · 29/05/2023 22:14

Your mum sounds a bit unhinged. It’s not uncommon for mothers with certain types of challenging behaviour to kick off more when their child moves more towards independence and creating their own family unit. I had it a lot. Be yourself and be true to your fiancé if that’s the case. I hope it isn’t though!

Pringleface · 29/05/2023 22:14

It’s hardly a nightmare and has nothing to do with being engaged. Talk about posting a subject line to draw people in for a non event.

Your mother is being a dick. You ignore her until she contacts you then you tell her that her behaviour was not acceptable.

HeddaGarbled · 29/05/2023 22:15

There’s something wrong with her, isn’t there?

Puzzledandpissedoff · 29/05/2023 22:18

She was being called out for her childish behaviour and didn’t like it basically

IME people like this often don't - though I wonder why it took your OH to say something rather than it coming from you?

Frankly he sounds like a good 'un, and hopefully his expectation of decent manners will help you both going forward

MissTrip82 · 29/05/2023 22:27

Your mum was in the wrong to behave like that.

Not sure what you mean by your partner speaking to her with ‘more authority’. He of course has no authority over a grown (older) woman.

Beaverbridge · 29/05/2023 22:31

Congratulations. You can always rely on family to spoil the happy occasion.

CovertImage · 29/05/2023 22:40

So not an "Engagement Nightmare" then

ConfessionsOfAMumDramaQueen · 29/05/2023 22:43

I agree you should have stepped in and told her to stop behaving like a child before your fiance felt he had to. All that would have meant though is she'd be mad at you over him 🤷‍♀️.

If she wants to be a child treat her like one. Toddlers tantrum to get attention, give her none until she apologises. She'll continue being a child while she thinks she can get away with it.

Gettingbysomehow · 29/05/2023 22:51

Well here's hoping she doesn't kick off at the wedding.