To ask what is wrong with me ?

[Apricotlove87]

I'm 50. Married, 3 teens at home. Work FT. But I'm bored and unfulfilled. Nothing interests me. This is not a case of find a hobby to fill the time. I go to the gym. I have friends and girlfriend time, which I enjoy. But I can't do that every night. Now the days are currently longer and I find myself just wondering around the house bored. Teens are either out with friends or online. DH is happy to sit and watch TV all night. I couldn't bear to do that. Atm I'm just counting down the days till holiday in Aug. Then after that I will count down the days till the next big event which will probably be Xmas. Teens no longer want to go out for family meal/ walk/ anything really. Every night I Just think "there has to be more to life than this". I'm so very sad and fed up

what do you think your purpose in life is? why do you think we exist?

many of us live our lives from milestone to milestone... often not thinking about the bigger questions. maybe time to take a step back and think about what you really want out of life ask yourselves the big questions?

That would tip most of us over the edge tbh 🥴

OP, the gym and seeing friends might not be enough. Is there anything that really interests you that you've never had a chance to study/learn more about? You might benefit from a short course or evening class? Is your job interesting at all?

You say it's not a case of find a hobby , but then don't say that you actually do hobbies ?

Everyone gets that from time to time. Not trying to minimise your feelings because it’s a crap way to feel, but we all get it- usually what helps me is a little change. Can you buy a nice breakfast, start a magazine subscription, teach yourself a new skill?

I wonder if having a look at the University of the 3rd Age, might give you some ideas of what you could do in your spare time?
I'm not sure if they're strict on age/work status for joining but you might find an idea or two.
Sadly, i couldn't spot a FAQ page but maybe you'll find plenty of info if you look at what's available in your own locality ( there's a page with links to groups in various counties )

U3A

What is it about your holiday that's so appealing?

Is it tourism? Book by the pool? Something else?

Well what do you want to do at night then?

I think you are the master of your own fortune here. If you want to do something else n the evening, then do so, it doesn’t sound like there is anything stopping you.

I’m the same sort of age and feeling really similar to you - have just started reading a book by Tabitha Carey called ‘Feeling blah’ (Why anhedonia has left you joyless and how to recapture life’s highs). Haven’t got that far with it yet, but it’s absolutely spot for why I’m feeling blah at the moment and is reassuring that this is totally normal. Would really recommend getting a copy.

I'm with you @Apricotlove87

I WFH from home, I go to the gym, I socialise but it feels like something is lacking.

I'm happy. It doesn't seem to be enough somehow.

Sorry, that should have been Tanith, not Tabitha.

OP I sympathise, I have been feeling similarly too. I'm 54. My charmed life went to shit 3 years ago, and whilst I have amazing children, a busy job and a pleasant if not wild social life I succumb to gloom.

Today I blew £150 at the garden centre and am having a bottle of wine to appreciate my efforts. No, I can't afford it, but fuck it.

In my slightly drunken haze I know that as long as I have courage, faith and chocolate fudge cake there are sunny days ahead.

Oh, and get a dog!

Volunteering? Sometimes helping others and getting involved in a good cause can help give you a good sense of purpose

TheTowells, 🤣🤣🤣

Peri-menopause/menopause can really do a number on your moods. They can make everything dreary and pointless. HRT may help.

Maybe you are at menopause age, OP? And what little I know of this (bring only perimenopausal myself and not having even got through to the other side yet), is that hormonal fluctuations can impact mood hugely and I think dopamine, which is very much connected to oestrogen and mood, motivation, enthusiasm for life etc, will be waning a lot during this time.

Perhaps this is why some women have a period of time during this when they feel listless, bored and sad? I must admit, ever since I've had my 3rd baby in 2020, I've been really down, apathetic and have huge anhedonia. I'm pretty convinced that hormones are doing this and wonder what will happen as I edge closer to menopause.

I'm sorry you're feeling so down. Maybe a change of scenery, aome new foods to try, going to a different place etc will boost your mood and help distract you with good things?

Obviously I could be totally wrong about the hormones but it's just a different thought.

this is a pre empty nest issue, you are still caring for the teens and being around for them, but not truly indulging in what you want. Choose something random and step out of your comfort zone - do something for you versus the family - book a retreat or solo holiday for a week or teo away solo .. find yourself again find your joy not responsibility .

The world is your oyster do what you want!

👏👏😘😂

Have you talked to your DH about how you are feeling? If you suggested shaking your life up a bit, how would he react?

It sounds like your relationship has got rather stale and routine-driven, so it might be good if you discovered something new that you liked doing together to carry you on through the next few years as the DC grow up and are not the focus of your lives any more. You could try some kind of new activity together (a cookery or dance class, volunteering, swinging...) or a challenge of some kind, or even just agree to go out together for a walk/run/bike ride every evening and talk to each other.

If he's not up for anything like that, you might need to find something to do solo, or with more interesting company than your couch-potato DH.

Are mid-life crises still a thing?

Is it to do with loosing some of your role/ purpose now the children are older? Mine are currently primary age and so much of my time is taken up entertaining them or sorting their needs (eg helping bath) that I can imagine it feeling very odd when they start needing me less.

I know my friends in their 50s/60s have all upped their hobbies/activities since their children got older. Several starting big things like learning to reupholster furniture. They do much more than I, or my friends in their 30s do.

What do you think would challenge you? Maybe write a list of things you always wanted to do/ goals you had in life and go from there. What did you used to do? I think this honestly could be hobby orientated