To ask what is wrong with me ?

[Apricotlove87]

I'm 50. Married, 3 teens at home. Work FT. But I'm bored and unfulfilled. Nothing interests me. This is not a case of find a hobby to fill the time. I go to the gym. I have friends and girlfriend time, which I enjoy. But I can't do that every night. Now the days are currently longer and I find myself just wondering around the house bored. Teens are either out with friends or online. DH is happy to sit and watch TV all night. I couldn't bear to do that. Atm I'm just counting down the days till holiday in Aug. Then after that I will count down the days till the next big event which will probably be Xmas. Teens no longer want to go out for family meal/ walk/ anything really. Every night I Just think "there has to be more to life than this". I'm so very sad and fed up

I know how you feel OP. I'm same sort of age and suddenly feel completely lacking in goals and purpose. Despite having hobbies etc, at the moment there's nothing that excites me. I've always been very enthusiastic and goal driven so this feels horrible.

Get a horse. They take up so much time and will make you laugh. Everyone needs a horse

I was going to suggest this too. Not just the local charity shop. Find a cause you really believe in passionately and dedicate a bit of time to it. It creates a sense of purpose.

At the risk of sounding like Adrian Mole, you are intellectually unfulfilled and needing a mind stretch. You are bored. So do something different and very “difficult”. I can’t say what that would be to you. A FT job is well within your capabilities, and a promotion not enough. A new course? Your relationship is solid. You need a proper intellectual and physical challenge.

Yes🤣

Well that's the interesting thing isn't it. why are we scared of these questions? and how can we live life meaningfully if we don't ask them?

Because we'd probably most likely come to the conclusion that everything is mostly pointless wouldn't we, which isn't overly helpful in the scheme of things

You need this in your life. And do it!

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Artists-Way-Spiritual-Higher-Creativity/dp/1788164296/ref=asc_df_1788164296_nodl?tag=googshopuk-21&linkCode=df0&hvadid=431043955865&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=1965849441097623639&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=m&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9180860&hvtargid=pla-920673948416&psc=1&th=1&psc=1&tag=&ref=&adgrpid=97419294902&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvadid=431043955865&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=1965849441097623639&hvqmt=&hvdev=m&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9180860&hvtargid=pla-920673948416&dplnkId=07b61313-a019-4a83-9aab-d7b465e15337

Have an affair

Some thought-provoking answers on here.

I'm with the poster who says we all need some form of self-fulfilment. It's just a mistake to equate that with career success, money or an insta-worthy lifestyle. Some of the happiest people I've known are those who appreciate the small things in life and achieve the small goals they set. Just something as small as a daily walk can count.

The menopause can be an issue but I've often wondered if we look at it the wrong way tbh. I'm more inclined to think that a great many women put up with far too much crap during their adult lives while they run around after everyone, often to their own detriment. The absence of time to dwell on it and a good dose of hormones masks this until menopause. Then wham! Sometimes, menopausal rage and feeling low is a healthy and justifiable response to being taken for granted and feeling overlooked! (Not taking menopause lightly for those badly affected who do need HRT BTW.)

Hope you feel better soon OP. Maybe start by setting yourself some small goals and see how that makes you feel.

But hobbies aren't there to 'fill the time'! Hobbies are a way to enjoy your time, to challenge yourself and increase your skills, to feel inspired, to relax, to socialise, to learn, to have fun, to help others and more...

I can really relate; I genuinely think it's triggered by menopause. It's forced me into a state of discontent, a constant quest for something...more? Not materialistic, not Insta-worthy, but a genuine need to shake things up inside and reposition myself. I don't know if it is just about finding new hobbies. I spent most of my life incredibly driven and being creative; that's all gone. I just lack the drive and appetite for it.

I think it's important to keep being open, trying new things, allowing new thoughts in about changes you could make - but also be okay with the discomfort. You're trying to set yourself for the third act, and that can take time. it's okay not to know what this looks like.

Similar age but with younger dcs and I'm feeling this way. I'm getting the 'there has to be more to life' thing and also constantly searching for activities/hobbies perhaps even people that will somehow change life around a bit. I'm also questioning what is the purpose of life or 'there is no purpose to life' and thus what's the point? And on it goes. stopthecalories I agree with you, it isn't a yearning for material things it feels more fundamental than this. I also had/have a creative outlet I enjoy(ed) up until recently and now I'm struggling with it. Really feel like I've been knocked sideways.

Somebody recommended the book - The Happiness Curve. Apparently midlife is often when we are at our lowest satisfaction point. I think there is an element of looking back and reflecting and then looking forward at what the future might hold.

The perimenopause/menopause has caused havoc. Always staved off HRT but my anxiety got so bad that I felt I had no other option but to try it.

Reading this thread with interest.

I once read that in order to be truly happy we have to have a goal that we are striving to achieve (amongst other things). You say you go to the gym, but what do you do? Could you train for a particular event? Or even just a target? Learn a new skill?

not necessarily. depending on the approach taken. nothing in nature happens reason, so how can the existence of humanity and all of creation be without purpose? asking these questions is not easy, there isn't a ready made answer. the asking of the questions is a difficult journey and it's much easier to distract ourselves with the small details of our lives.

Make a bucket list

Then start doing the things on there

@SparklyBlackKitten a bucket list just won't work as there would be only 3 things on it & none of which are possible to do:

1. Move abroad - not possible due to family ties in UK, money & DC don't want to move abroad
2. Work in a high-end travel sector - not possible due to the pay. I currently work in the public sector and have great job security & pay. I wouldn't get that same level of pay anywhere else. I have no travel-related job qualifications or experience
3. Buy a small apartment abroad for holidays, long weekends etc - not possible due to finances

I typed a much longer reply to other posters too, but I lost it grrr. I will re-type !