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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to find opt out emails more upsetting than the actual emails?

46 replies

YorkshirePuddingsGreatestFan · 29/05/2023 09:25

I lost my Dad a few years back. I know Fathers Day happens every year in mid-June and I know gifts will be promoted for people buying for their Dads. I understand I will still get emails in the run up to the day titled "Father's Day gift ideas" or similar and will just delete them without opening it. I'm not against Father's Day and know that people will be spoiling their Dads as I did with mine when he was here. I will still have a quiet moment of reflection thinking about him on the day.

For the last few weeks, I've had a number of emails asking me if I want to opt out of Fathers Day marketing. I find this more upsetting because they want me to open an email and click a button to confirm that my Dad is still dead. It's just feels much worse and harder to deal with being constantly reminded that I can opt out because I don't have a Dad, than actually getting the gifting emails.

AIBU for feeling this way?

OP posts:
PintoMilk · 29/05/2023 09:27

Yanbu, if they only sent one email per company for father's day it'd be OK. Multiple emails from each bloody company. Plus the opt out is one year only.

BestIsWest · 29/05/2023 09:27

I feel the same.

WhatelseotherthanADs · 29/05/2023 09:28

I agree with you - I find the emails intrusive and would rather they didn’t - the last one I had I was thinking where can I opt out of the opt out messages !

Circleoffifths · 29/05/2023 09:29

I agree with you. Have often thought that when seeing the opt out emails that if I found any of these days difficult, the opt out is a great in-the-face reminder of why that might be.

LoobyDop · 29/05/2023 09:31

I don’t have a reason to opt out and generally don’t, but I think I get more mails about opting out than for the actual thing.

nosunshinewhenshesgone · 29/05/2023 09:31

I hear you.

If they really cared, they'd ask you to opt in via a discreet part of their website you had to seek out. But, of course, they wouldn't be able to send so many emails that way.

spuddel · 29/05/2023 09:32

I so agree! Was just thinking this the other day. Just constant reminders so not actually helpful in any way at all.

madnessitellyou · 29/05/2023 09:32

YANBU.

I miss and think about my dad every single day. Opting out of getting emails isn't going to change that

KimberleyClark · 29/05/2023 09:32

They don’t bother me but then my dad has been dead 45 years. If he’d recently died they might be upsetting.

Mothers’ Day marketing can be upsetting for some for various reasons and I’m glad that more and more companies are actually thinking about it.

AtrociousCircumstance · 29/05/2023 09:33

I always think this. It’s making more of a fucking meal of it all in the name of virtue signalling.

Fantina · 29/05/2023 09:34

It’s utter virtue signaling marketing

Mydusa · 29/05/2023 09:35

YANBU. I haven't lost my dad but I am getting loads of these opt out emails, and every time I think how upsetting they must be to people. I am voting with my feet and unsubscribing in response.

YWNBU to tell them how upsetting it is.

Thepeopleversuswork · 29/05/2023 09:38

I don't feel especially triggered by the deaths of either of my parents but I do think these "opt out" emails are incredibly cynical.

They aren't about being sensitive at all, these companies couldn't give a shit about my grief. They are purely about good PR and trying to provide another excuse for people to click on their emails and engage and they can fuck the fuck off.

NBLarsen · 29/05/2023 09:40

I disagree actually. I have opted out of fathers day marketing because my dad is seriously ill and I don't want constant reminders that I should buy him a gift when in all likelihood he'll be dead soon. I also opt out of mothers day emails because I can't have children and the constant reminders of that make me want to scream and claw my skin off in rage and despair.

I used to work in marketing from a large well known retailer. We would get constant complaints about how marketing for events such as these upset customers, so we offered the chance to opt out. Now people complain the chance to opt out upsets them too. Businesses can't win...

NeverDropYourMooncup · 29/05/2023 09:42

Opt out responses are still valuable to the companies. That's why you get them every year - it's confirming you're still a potential or active customer that can be targeted for everything else.

I still got emails the same year even when I did opt out in any case. And plenty where it wasn't technically the focus but the second half of the email or the link dropped right in all their targeted stuff anyway (here's a link to 50% off - oh, here's all the mothers' day offers for you to look at).

If they weren't using it as a sneaky marketing reach, that wouldn't happen.

Willmafrockfit · 29/05/2023 09:43

asking you to opt out feels like rubbing salt into the wound op

CabernetSauvignon · 29/05/2023 09:53

I'd just opt out completely from that company's marketing.

Thepeopleversuswork · 29/05/2023 09:57

NeverDropYourMooncup · 29/05/2023 09:42

Opt out responses are still valuable to the companies. That's why you get them every year - it's confirming you're still a potential or active customer that can be targeted for everything else.

I still got emails the same year even when I did opt out in any case. And plenty where it wasn't technically the focus but the second half of the email or the link dropped right in all their targeted stuff anyway (here's a link to 50% off - oh, here's all the mothers' day offers for you to look at).

If they weren't using it as a sneaky marketing reach, that wouldn't happen.

Exactly. It’s data management masquerading as being a good citizen. It’s bollocks.

Divorcedalongtime · 29/05/2023 09:59

No I really really appreciate them, I wish co labours would do them for Xmas and other holidays a lot of the world do not take part in and which may also be hugely triggering to people.

Divorcedalongtime · 29/05/2023 09:59

Divorcedalongtime · 29/05/2023 09:59

No I really really appreciate them, I wish co labours would do them for Xmas and other holidays a lot of the world do not take part in and which may also be hugely triggering to people.

Companies *

Clymene · 29/05/2023 10:00

Yes, same.

LlynTegid · 29/05/2023 10:00

Can you just opt out of all marketing from the companies that send you this? Or even re-subscribe say in July, opt out each May?

Lollydaydream · 29/05/2023 10:01

My father never wanted me; I find it strangely, and probably pathetically, empowering to select opt out.

Fedupofdiets · 29/05/2023 10:05

No unreasonable no. My beloved Dad died 6 weeks ago and we are still trying to process his horrible death, walked into the supermarket and straight into the cards. Of course life moves on but it is upsetting to think he isnt here with me to celebrate.

Ariela · 29/05/2023 11:00

Why don't you just unsubscribe from every email sender? It's SO nice to have an empty in-box!