To expect grandparents to visit me?

56 replies

snottyqueen · 28/05/2023 10:53

I moved to a city around 2 hours away. Now live with my partner, happily, in a city centre flat. It's great, I can walk to things and be independent. Have a great relationship with my family.

My parents live miles from the nearest shop. I don't drive. Their house is very run down, and the only working toilet is in their en-suite. It isn't a great place to visit unless my partner rents a car. So I avoid going home to visit other than once every 3 months or so for a weekend.

More recently I have been getting lots of comments from my mum and her parents that it would be nice to see me. I have mentioned that I will be back for a weekend next month, and they are always welcome to come and visit me. Whilst we don't have a spare bedroom, I have slept on the sofa before so people can visit as hotels are expensive here.

Fortunately my grandparents are in fairly good health, and travel a lot independently. One has recently been to Crete for three weeks and another has just done a tour of Scotland (self driven). They are in their early 80s. Money isn't an issue for them.

AIBU to think that it would be nice for grandparents to visit me in my adopted home city? A day trip is feasible, and would be about 4 hours round trip on the train. Otherwise, if booked in advance you can get a hotel for £200 or even £100 mid week.

OP posts:

girlfriend44 · 28/05/2023 19:29

snottyqueen · 28/05/2023 12:58

Not that it's really that relevant, but they are not at all short on cash, so it won't be the cost putting them off.

I just think it would be nice for them to see where I live, what my life here is like et cetera. That's all. 😊

I agree. It's not unreasonable for you to want them to see where you live, your life etc.

Grapewrath · 28/05/2023 19:34

Yanbu op
There is a weird rule that only exists on mumsnet where if you move away, you have to make the trips home and should never expect this reciprocated
I understand your gps being elderly is an issue but like you say they are very happy to visit elsewhere

TomatoSandwiches · 28/05/2023 19:36

I don't actually disagree with you op, they seem capable, if they wanted to I'm sure they would except they just naturally assume because you are young it is your job to go to them and don't realise how much you work?
They will just have to wait until you do your scheduled visit.

Jeannie88 · 28/05/2023 20:03

Why don't you make a date for them to come and visit? Say you would love them to come and stay with u or hotel if they prefer, would be so nice to show them around and take out for a meal. Sometimes it really does take those extra few words filled with love and encouragement ❤️

phoenixrosehere · 28/05/2023 20:34

YANBU.

My own parents did this when I lived away, ignoring the major cost and time it took from me. I was taking buses and trains to see them. Yet, when my sister moved 12 hours away, they visited her more than they visited me. My dad was not happy when I moved overseas even though he had seven years to visit me and only did twice. There was no way I could live where they live because the opportunities weren’t there for me and I know many of the people I grew up with are saving money, trying to move out of the area themselves.

It’s ridiculous that the expectation to visit is expected to be one-sided because one side moved away when people are not only able but can afford to visit. It shows where their expectations and priorities lie.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 28/05/2023 20:41

None of you would want your grandparents to visit once so they see where and how you live etc when they are active, travelling and visiting others happily.
Sure

It literally never occurred to me that my surviving grandparent (by that time in his 80s) would travel to where I moved as an adult. He managed to visit their own children but there was no way he could have visited all his grandchildren. We all visited him.

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