Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed by this comment?

33 replies

Superfloop · 27/05/2023 18:25

Our neighbours, a lovely couple, have just had a baby. We saw them today - baby is less than a week old.

afterwards we were talking about the couple and my husband said how well they looked and then said “she’s coping really well isn’t she? So much better than you”

I am FUMING.

to be fair, she has always been a very “out and about” person and seems to be taking it in her stride.

when our DC was born I was a nervous wreck after multiple miscarriages, COVID, a high risk pregnancy and had severe anxiety/pnd. I have put on quite a lot of weight, mainly due to medication side effects as well as little time to myself when I was at the gym nearly every day before. Our child is 20m and I am still getting through treatment to get back to myself mentally. He knows I am really struggling with my self esteem.

so yeah I guess he’s not exactly wrong. In his mind he is stating a fact.

but it’s really upset me. It feels such an unnecessary comment and a bit of a low blow.

he is generally quite sweet but very much a “say it how it is” person

OP posts:
Thomasthe · 27/05/2023 18:29

Either deliberately mean or obtuse! And it goes without saying OP but people can look like they have it all together on the outside, but they could be struggling behind closed doors. If your child is happy and well cared for then you’re doing a good job.

Original poster
Superfloop · 27/05/2023 18:29

It’s the comparison that has annoyed me thinking about it… why do people always have to pit mothers against each other? It just makes you feel awful

OP posts:
Original poster
Superfloop · 27/05/2023 18:31

Thomasthe · 27/05/2023 18:29

Either deliberately mean or obtuse! And it goes without saying OP but people can look like they have it all together on the outside, but they could be struggling behind closed doors. If your child is happy and well cared for then you’re doing a good job.

Obtuse, I think.

just annoyed that it’s hit me where it hurts

OP posts:
mbosnz · 27/05/2023 18:34

Well, perhaps she enjoys the advantage of a more empathetic and supportive partner. She isn't giving birth in covid times. She may not have suffered multiple previous miscarriages and PND. If so, isn't she lucky? Much luckier than you.

Randobelia · 27/05/2023 18:34

He sounds incredibly rude and hurtful. "Say t like it is" usually means utterly thoughtless.

BeaLola · 27/05/2023 18:35

Perhaps you should return his compliment with "I know & her husband is so utterly lovely"

DemonicCaveMaggot · 27/05/2023 18:37

The comparison was totally un-necessary, YANBU to be upset.

FWIW I found the newborn and baby stage very difficult, probably due to sleep deprivation and slightly similar experiences to you. I really enjoyed the 11 month - 4 year old stage even with development delays and other worries where other parents who did wonderfully with babies were tearing their hair out. I think parents mesh with different stages in different ways and find some a lot easier than others.

Irritateandunreasonable · 27/05/2023 18:38

LOL! He has no idea what’s going on in that woman’s head or house based of a 5 minute chat with her.

Very unnecessary thing to say, is he Autistic?

Pixiedust1234 · 27/05/2023 18:38

Eh... be mean back. Shes coping better than you because her partner is more supportive. He won't like that.

As a pp said. If your child is healthy and happy then you are doing a good job Flowers

Pixiedust1234 · 27/05/2023 18:40

hah, someone else said the same as me.

Original poster
Superfloop · 27/05/2023 18:40

Irritateandunreasonable · 27/05/2023 18:38

LOL! He has no idea what’s going on in that woman’s head or house based of a 5 minute chat with her.

Very unnecessary thing to say, is he Autistic?

Honestly I sometimes think if he was diagnosed as autistic I wouldn’t be surprised!

OP posts:
Original poster
Superfloop · 27/05/2023 18:42

But, no.
he is actually often very considerate of peoples feelings in the wider family and social groups. But then he comes out with this sort of crap!

he is also the sort of person that if we’re the other way around he’d just say “yeah” and any negative comment about him seems to just bounce off

OP posts:
Riverlee · 27/05/2023 18:43

I don’t think he meant it how you are interpreting it. I think he just meant she has had it easier than you. However, I can understand how even this can be hurtful, if you’re still struggling.

Original poster
Superfloop · 27/05/2023 18:44

Irritateandunreasonable · 27/05/2023 18:38

LOL! He has no idea what’s going on in that woman’s head or house based of a 5 minute chat with her.

Very unnecessary thing to say, is he Autistic?

We went over to theirs, spent about 45 minutes. Their baby was peacefully asleep and their house was spotless! She even looked beautiful! Lol… some people are just unicorns 😂

OP posts:
philipmccuntfield · 27/05/2023 18:45

Such an unnecessary comment. Sorry you had to go through that op. And I'm sorry to hear of your struggles. Sending you a very unmumsnetty hug

Irritateandunreasonable · 27/05/2023 18:46

Superfloop · 27/05/2023 18:44

We went over to theirs, spent about 45 minutes. Their baby was peacefully asleep and their house was spotless! She even looked beautiful! Lol… some people are just unicorns 😂

Show quote history

And some people try desperately to look like everything is brilliant because their pride makes them. This may not be the case for this woman, who knows.

He was just insensitive. I would be really annoyed if DP said that to me but I don’t think he’d realise it lol.

Original poster
Superfloop · 27/05/2023 20:13

Just to add to the LOL factor (I’ve calmed down a bit now and am looking at it in a more eye rolling can’t believe you said that way)….

he said it’s made him feel like he really wants us to have another one!

Hmmm let me think about it… certainly don’t feel like trying to make one with you tonight!

OP posts:
Nodinnernogift · 27/05/2023 20:16

Yes I'd be hurt and I'd tell him plainly. "That comment hurt."

shellyleppard · 27/05/2023 20:35

If only 😂😂 he has absolutely no idea what women go through. You are doing a fantastic job x

LovelyDaaling · 28/05/2023 14:29

Tell him straight you don't need all your shortcomings pointed out and if he can't say something nice, say nothing. Tactless 🙄

Daffodil92 · 28/05/2023 14:58

Who the hell has voted that YABU?!
of course you’re not unreasonable op, that’s a really thoughtless and hurtful thing to say. Only you know him well enough to know if it was spiteful or thoughtless. I hope you told him, though.

PsychoHotSauce · 28/05/2023 15:02

Superfloop · 27/05/2023 20:13

Just to add to the LOL factor (I’ve calmed down a bit now and am looking at it in a more eye rolling can’t believe you said that way)….

he said it’s made him feel like he really wants us to have another one!

Hmmm let me think about it… certainly don’t feel like trying to make one with you tonight!

That is funny, he has no idea he's just cockblocked himself Grin

Hankunamatata · 28/05/2023 15:04

Your reply here 'are you meaning to be such an immense, unfeeling twat' - you say it like it is!

MynameisJune · 28/05/2023 16:21

Irritateandunreasonable · 27/05/2023 18:38

LOL! He has no idea what’s going on in that woman’s head or house based of a 5 minute chat with her.

Very unnecessary thing to say, is he Autistic?

I’m autistic, is not an excuse to be rude so stop using it to defend arseholes.

openstop · 28/05/2023 16:23

MynameisJune · 28/05/2023 16:21

I’m autistic, is not an excuse to be rude so stop using it to defend arseholes.

Show quote history

I agree