To be annoyed by this comment?

[Superfloop]

Our neighbours, a lovely couple, have just had a baby. We saw them today - baby is less than a week old.

afterwards we were talking about the couple and my husband said how well they looked and then said “she’s coping really well isn’t she? So much better than you”

I am FUMING.

to be fair, she has always been a very “out and about” person and seems to be taking it in her stride.

when our DC was born I was a nervous wreck after multiple miscarriages, COVID, a high risk pregnancy and had severe anxiety/pnd. I have put on quite a lot of weight, mainly due to medication side effects as well as little time to myself when I was at the gym nearly every day before. Our child is 20m and I am still getting through treatment to get back to myself mentally. He knows I am really struggling with my self esteem.

so yeah I guess he’s not exactly wrong. In his mind he is stating a fact.

but it’s really upset me. It feels such an unnecessary comment and a bit of a low blow.

he is generally quite sweet but very much a “say it how it is” person

Op fwiw, I had three under 6 and was basically trying to stay alive and a woman on the school run came over and said ‘ya know I just admire how put together you always are on the school run and stuff, just always look like you’ve got your shit together’
i was absolutely fuckin taken aback. Lovely of her to say but inside I felt like I could barely breathe all the time!

We all have different ideas of who’s lucky and who’s ‘doing well’ but your husband was rude and I too would be very upset, so yanbu about that

What a great expression!!

OP, I would not let this go without telling him that his comment was very hurtful given all you went through. I would also make it very clear that it has put you off any intimacy with him at the moment. Tell him he needs to reflect on the fact that many women, maybe most, need to feel cared for and loved in order to want sex and that they’re not going to get in the mood after being compared negatively to the next door neighbour.

Please just tell him. You can tell him in a matter-of-fact way, eg "I have been feeling fed up about what you said earlier about the neighbour. You said she was coping better than I had, but I had X, y and z to cope with too. Someone saying that to you might not bother you, but I'm not you, and it really bothered me."
YANBU to feel this way, but I think YWBU to not tell him. In an ideal world you wouldn't have to, but few of us are ideal people and if we want our lives to improve we need to communicate and train our loved ones not to be arseholes.

I think I might be autistic and I go the other way, never sure if something is appropriate to say or not so mostly say nothing unless asked!

Anyway I'd ask him why he thought you needed to hear that comment. Just because something is true doesnt mean that its necessary to say it. Otherwise he'd be going up to people in the street and telling them they were fat etc.

I really hope you pointed all this out to him. At best it is thoughtless and if it isn't pointed out then it is doomed to repeat.

I'd have said, yeah I know what you mean, just like the husband, he seemed so much calmer, kinder and more supportive, no wonder she's doing so well

Sounds quite insensitive to me. Not to mention that he doesn’t know how well or not well your neighbour is coping! Not all is always as it appears!

Please don't use the "autism" card as an excuse for thoughtlessness.. my son is autistic and understands that there is a way to say things, it's quite frankly insulting to see "is he autistic?" Trotted out in response to men being thoughtless pricks.,

Op your partner has been a nasty nob... no need!