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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Should you have to ask for money owed?

61 replies

Lazym · 27/05/2023 17:40

Hi, me and a "friend" are going to a wedding reception early July and I suggested booking a hotel room to not feel rushed and maybe have a drink. I messaged her and she agreed, so booked and paid which she is aware of but she has yet to pay her half. I booked it on 16th may and I even went to her house on Tues, where she asked how much it was (which I'd already informed her of) but didn't offer me any payment. I'm getting worried that she's not going to pay me. I'm already having doubts about our "friendship" anyway and this is just adding to it. Is it a bit soon to think I'm being unreasonable? She is aware that I'm not exactly rolling in it. I just think if it was me I would've paid her by now or at least give her an inkling of when. I don't feel you should have to ask when you're owed money.

OP posts:
coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 27/05/2023 18:56

Lazym · 27/05/2023 18:13

I think you're being very rude and judgemental. I'm simply asking advice about somebody who has form for being a taker from me! Don't assume I don't like her, I don't like how I've been treated by her lately, that is all.

Show quote history

If she has form for being a taker and hasn't been treating you well recently, why on earth did you volunteer to pay for it all upfront? Confused

roses2 · 27/05/2023 18:58

Have you actually given her your bank details so she can pay you?

Original poster
Lazym · 27/05/2023 19:09

coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 27/05/2023 18:56

If she has form for being a taker and hasn't been treating you well recently, why on earth did you volunteer to pay for it all upfront? Confused

Show quote history

Yes very good question, hindsights a wonderful thing isn't it? I've not been in this position with her where money is concerned though, just other things.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lazym · 27/05/2023 19:11

roses2 · 27/05/2023 18:58

Have you actually given her your bank details so she can pay you?

No, but I will be.

OP posts:
openstop · 27/05/2023 19:20

Lazym · 27/05/2023 18:13

I think you're being very rude and judgemental. I'm simply asking advice about somebody who has form for being a taker from me! Don't assume I don't like her, I don't like how I've been treated by her lately, that is all.

Show quote history

She's asked you how much it was so presumably that would have been a good time to say - so your half is xyz, I've already had to pay upfront can you please send it to these bank details. Instead you've left it ambiguous and are sulking about how she hasn't paid you when it could so easily be she has assumed its pay on arrival at the hotel. You're assuming the worst. Yes you don't like how she's treated you lately but I think you're looking at all her behaviour through shit tinted glasses now trying to pick fault.

IncompleteSenten · 27/05/2023 19:25

Ideally you shouldn't have to but sometimes you need to.

MRex · 27/05/2023 19:26

Lazym · 27/05/2023 19:11

No, but I will be.

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How did you expect her to pay you without bank details though? I book stuff for friends quite a lot. The process is that you agree details, then book as needed, which may or may not have immediate costs. When you want paying, you send bank details and amount. It does come across that you're being unfair.

Mydusa · 27/05/2023 19:30

Hang on, you are surprised she hasn't offered to go halves. Was that not agreed explicitly before you booked it?

Just ask her to send ££ X to bank details y.

rookiemere · 27/05/2023 19:33

You need to stop overthinking this. Send a message "Hi your half of hotel is £89.00 , my bank details are xxxx. Can you put it in by weekend as need to pay cc bill. Thanks Smile"

Agree you shouldn't really have to, but some people are a bit relaxed about paying back money and need the details and date for it to stick in their mind.

Original poster
Lazym · 27/05/2023 19:38

MRex · 27/05/2023 19:26

How did you expect her to pay you without bank details though? I book stuff for friends quite a lot. The process is that you agree details, then book as needed, which may or may not have immediate costs. When you want paying, you send bank details and amount. It does come across that you're being unfair.

Show quote history

There's still an old fashioned way called paying someone with money, which when you're in the presence of that person and they ask you how much it was, it would be a perfect opportunity to either pay them or if they don't have the money on them to say when and how they're going to pay you. Honestly how some of you are attacking me it's like I've booked this without her knowledge or telling her the amount it was. There's always two sides to a story but the person I'm referring to can actually ask questions as well as me asking them.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lazym · 27/05/2023 19:47

rookiemere · 27/05/2023 19:33

You need to stop overthinking this. Send a message "Hi your half of hotel is £89.00 , my bank details are xxxx. Can you put it in by weekend as need to pay cc bill. Thanks Smile"

Agree you shouldn't really have to, but some people are a bit relaxed about paying back money and need the details and date for it to stick in their mind.

Thank you for your kind response. I am overthinking it but I've known this woman for 12 years. It's not nice feeling this way.

OP posts:
xsquared · 27/05/2023 20:06

Have you sent her the text to remind her and with your bank details op?

FOJN · 27/05/2023 20:11

You shouldn't have to ask but you will if you want the money back.

Nodinnernogift · 27/05/2023 20:12

I agree with you OP, she should be reassuring you she will pay and when it she's not in a position to do it now. You shouldn't feel you have to remind her.

If she's a taker though this might be one of her strategies. Definitely message her now.

rookiemere · 27/05/2023 20:15

I've learnt my lesson the hard way OP and there are now very few people where I'm prepared to operate on credit for a hotel room or similar expense.

Now I'm very upfront about how costs will be split and going forward I'm very wary of organising anything group based.

Most times people aren't trying to scam you, they just have a very different attitude to owing money than I do, but it causes me angst so I shan't be doing it again.

ArcticSkewer · 27/05/2023 20:19

You haven't given her your bank details and it's a bit unclear you have told her or not that you've already paid (most are not paid upfront these days).

It's quite possible she didn't realise you have already had the money taken from your account (you have, right?) as you haven't asked her for it or given her your bank details. But if you've now fallen out with her, she may pull out anyway, so I would be prepared to be staying there alone

coxesorangepippin · 27/05/2023 20:34

But she's fine to put you in this predicament, and make you feel awkward???

Cheeky fuckery extraordinaire as usual

What does she expect, a free ride

openstop · 27/05/2023 20:37

coxesorangepippin · 27/05/2023 20:34

But she's fine to put you in this predicament, and make you feel awkward???

Cheeky fuckery extraordinaire as usual

What does she expect, a free ride

It's not clear she knows that OP has ready been charged. She's asked how much it is which suggests to me she intends to pay.

Original poster
Lazym · 27/05/2023 20:39

ArcticSkewer · 27/05/2023 20:19

You haven't given her your bank details and it's a bit unclear you have told her or not that you've already paid (most are not paid upfront these days).

It's quite possible she didn't realise you have already had the money taken from your account (you have, right?) as you haven't asked her for it or given her your bank details. But if you've now fallen out with her, she may pull out anyway, so I would be prepared to be staying there alone

I've not fallen out with her, that's why I'm asking for some advice on here because I don't want to. I'm just want to do what's for the best. It's a possibility that she's planning on paying me when we arrive at the hotel. I thought when you book a hotel room you pay when you book🤷🏼. Maybe she doesn't realise this herself? I also wished I put I've booked AND paid for the room in my message. It may be unclear but the point I'm trying to make is she could ask questions as well. After some of the comments I've had on here, I'm starting to question myself now. I suppose time will tell.

OP posts:
ArcticSkewer · 27/05/2023 20:41

I actually can't think of the last time I paid when I booked a room.

Usually they just take your payment details and charge on the day.

WhatInTheFuckery · 27/05/2023 20:43

I don't think you're really giving her a chance if you haven't told her you've had to pay upfront, you haven't given her your bank details or even suggested that she needs to give you the money. I wouldn't have cash on me to give you it there and then for a hotel, you'd be lucky if I had a quid in change in the house. Just text her and tell her the amount and give her your details, explain you've had to pay upfront

Original poster
Lazym · 27/05/2023 20:51

xsquared · 27/05/2023 20:06

Have you sent her the text to remind her and with your bank details op?

I have just messaged her

OP posts:
xsquared · 27/05/2023 20:55

I'm going to ask again op. Have you texted her now to remind her and with your bank details?

Just a quick

"Hi,
Just to remind you that the booking fee is £xx for both of us, so that's £xx/2 each. Here are my bank details for you to transfer your half...

Thanks!

xsquared · 27/05/2023 20:56

oops, cross posted! Well done op. There really shouldn't be any resistance from her.

Hermanfromguesswho · 27/05/2023 20:56

Her asking you how much it came to WAS her reminding you subtly that she hadn’t paid. She can’t pay until you’ve sent the bank details! 😂
Im sure as soon as you send them she will pay it.