To tell them to ask ex for money?

[CadburyDream]

Ex isn’t overly involved but does speak to the kids on the phone on messages (but rarely sees them) and doesn’t pay maintenance, often my kids will ask for money for things but I can’t afford to keep buying things so I will have to tell them no sometimes, I’ve suggested they ask their father for money for things sometimes rather than just asking me but then I wondered if that was ok or should I not be suggesting they ask him for money? (They are reluctant to ask him)

I get it op. When mine are asking for something I can't give them I feel frustrated that it's all on me, and yes in my head I've many times told them to ask their useless sperm donor. But it's not anger at then it's frustration towards a bad father.
It doesn't leave my mouth but it's in my brain

Sorry but I've never said it in an angry way maybe my post is coming across that way? Its literally just why don't you ask your dad see what he says, I'm not angry. I know he won't say no he won't want to look bad to them. Its interesting though as I posted this in a single parents group and so far the comments have been the exact opposite and they've said they often tell their kids to ask the dad even when he does pay maintenance so maybe my post is coming across like I say it in an angry way? No its because he has previously sent money for games.

All that means is that there are even more kids stuck in the middle of conversations that the adults should be having. And we wonder why there is a youth mental health crisis.

It's really simple. Let the kids be kids and step up and be the adult. If you want your child to have pocket money you provide it yourself or you ask him to make a regular contribution. You asked here because you seemed to have a few seconds of insight and maybe had an inkling that it wasn't right. But then ever since you have been defensive. Wonder why?

I have totally sympathy with your situation. It's really really shit not being able to give your kids what they want. And it's even shitter knowing they have another parent who is providing nothing of value to their lives. But it's also an opportunity to have a conversation about wants and needs and to encourage your child to think about a paper round, washing cars, cutting grass, weeding neighbours gardens. If he wants to piss away money on Roblox he needs to understand how hard it is to come by money.

Please dont put this on your kids, my mum was always telling me to ask my "stupid father" for money. It was awful, I felt so uncomfortable and awkward and to this day I hate ever asking anyone for anything because I always remember that awful stuck in the middle feeling.

I already buy him robux he asks all the time in fact daily so I said ask your dad for some, its not putting him in the middle its not maintenance its called asking the other parent as my child has two parents not one, I don't want maintenance I've moved on from that I will never ask my ex for maintenance we've had that discussion when we split he said he wouldn't pay any so I'm not asking again, he will give the kids money directly though just not to me. My son has decided today he does want to ask and I havent mentioned it since I think he is doing it so I give in and give it to him sort of if you don't get it I will ask him, I'm not playing that game if he wants to ask him how he can. There's no middle me and ex never pretty much speak.

Again I don't say it like that that's a completely different situation if my son asks for robux I will say no if he persists I will say why don't you text your dad. There is no anger and I'm not saying it in the way it is being insinuated on here

I wasnt insuniting you were saying it in anger, just sharing my experience as a child feeling stuck in the middle. As long as you dont pressure your child as you say.

I agree with you.

Why did you ask here if you already believe so strongly that it's absolutely fine?

I agree

Because its obviously been taken the wrong way that I'm angrily screaming at them to go ask their father. As I said he already sends money for games why on earth CANT children ask their parents for money? What is the point in them having him on their phone if they can't ask him for things? He isn't a friend or an uncle he is their father

Yes leave the kids out of it

Yeah I mean if mumsnet tells you it's not OK are you really going to go oh OK then

Why wouldn't it be the same if you were together? No means no, one parent saying no speaks for them both, at least that's how it worked in my family 💁🏽‍♀️

Nope kids often ask both parents we are not together so it's not the same AT ALL anyway he has decided he wants to ask now anyway 🤷‍♀️

One parent saying no doesn't speak for us both as we are NOT together that's so odd to say it speaks for us both

Nope kids often ask both parents we are not together so it's not the same AT ALL anyway he has decided he wants to ask now anyway 🤷‍♀️

My point is BOTH PARENTS should say the same thing if they live together, backing each other up, so it really doesn't matter. Come down on your son for constantly asking, as others have suggested.

My point was about parents who are together, as you said it was a big difference

You just want to argue though