How do you not stress about work?

[C1239]

Work is awful at the moment, so stressful, massive pressure, got a crazy couple of months coming up. Feel like I’m letting it get to me & im being a crap wife outside of work as my mind is consumed by work. How do you not let the stress get to you?

Here for answers.

Dh just looks at me baffled when I say I'm feeling pressure- he is of the opinion you just do what you can, and that's it!

It’s work. They’d replace you in a heartbeat. Sounds cheesy but nobody would look back on their life in very old age and think, gosh, I wished I worked more. Work to live, not the other way round.

I think it very much depends what job you do! I used to work in a really stressful customer-facing job so I used to get quite wound up. I used to tell myself it didn't matter because it wasn't life and death, and just try to put it into perspective - what was the worst that would happen sort of thing. Obviously that doesn't help if you're a police officer/doctor etc.

I think it basically comes down to temperament. I'm retired now but worked for many years in potentially very stressful profession. However, I was always able to tell myself that if I'd done the best I could then there was no point in stressing about what hadn't been done and I left it behind me as I walked out of the door.

I’ve always struggled with that quote. Being replaceable just makes me fear resting on my laurels…

I’m feeling this at the moment too, it is overwhelming and suffocating.
I’m sure some advice will be to get another job but it’s not that easy when you have zero headspace to even think about it (on top of the million things already on the plate)

I have also struggled with this and it is horrible. It took a minor accident to jolt me into getting my priorities straight. If you don't put yourself first you will burn out and that could have serious consequences for your health and your family. Can you speak to your employer about your workload, especially if things are going to get worse?

I wish I knew the answer to this, my life would be 100% improved... I think honestly, most people don't manage to stop themselves feeling stressed. They either are or aren't, and that is dependent in part on their job, in part on their personality and in part on the rest of their circumstances. I guess the answer is to change at least one of those things?

I would love to know the answer to this too.

Rock climbing - lots of focus on the movement so I couldn't think about work at the same time (I expect there's other sports that are similar)

Perspective, I remind myself that my job is nice and it does play a part in some people lives but I am not performing brain surgery, equally I am working in my home office and not doing any sort of hard labour. So appreciate it but don’t be too stressed.

My job isn't stressful at all but not especially well paid, although I'm happy with my salary. If your job only causes you stress then it's time for a re-think about your career OP?

I try to create strict boundaries with work and home. I don't have work emails on my personal devices outside of work, I now put my work laptop out of sight as I had a bad habit of just quickly (for hours) logging on at evenings and weekends. I find exercise helps reduce stress levels as does getting outside in the fresh air.

The only way I can cope with that sort of all consuming stress is if I know there is an end in sight e.g. the end of a project or someone joining soon to help.

OP, will the workstress get better for you at some point? You said it is a crazy couple of months so I assume this level of stress will reduce. If it is temporary, I try to rope in dh to do more on the childcar and domestic front and don't go out as much. I let standards slide on cleaning and tidying (which does not always help because living in mess makes me stressed as well). Until the project is over.

What is it that is stressing you out? The size of the workload, the tasks you are asked to do (some people dislike presentations), office politics, difficult team, unreasonable boss?

I once went through a life changing event and was off work for 6 months. It was terrible, but it totally flipped my view (along with a lot of therapy, mindfulness and Eckhart Tolle talks!).

some thoughts that sum up my attitude now…

• Hold work lightly. I work 4 days a week which is 25% of my waking hours. There’s a whole other 75% to rest and enjoy!
• work evolves, creation evolves, humans evolve - you’ll never get it all “done” and that’s okay
• mindfulness - there is only the present moment. You’re only human and can only do what you can do in each moment, and the next moment. It’s always ‘now’. When you live in the moment, there’s no anxiety about the future or heaviness about the past. This mindset solves the “Sunday Scaries” and struggling to relax when you’re on holiday etc.
• a trick I heard from Derren Brown - imagine your worry is on a iPad screen and zoom out from it. There’s a much bigger picture to life where everything is okay.
• boundaries, boundaries, boundaries - you have two hands, one brain, one mouth, two ears - there are limits to what you can do. You’re not superman/woman. Accept your limitations and if you’re getting stressed/tired/overwhelmed adjust your limits. Your limits should be set at a place where you can keep yourself happy, healthy, bouyant.
• be aware of the effect you have on others, especially those junior to you at work. If you set good boundaries they’ll learn they can set good boundaries. You’re trailblazing - make sure it’s a blaze that burns brightly in the right ways.

If your job doesn’t facilitate a healthy and happy you, it’s time to hunt for something new.

After having three kids in the space of 3 years I did a sideways move into a more predictable and less stressful role and dropped my hours. I obviously took a pay cut but am much happier and less stressed. I deal with as much of my workload as I can, prioritise and use my time wisely. I enjoy my work but my life at home is my number one priority. I want to be able to remember these years whilst my kids are young. I accepted that my pay has dropped but I budget accordingly. I will increase my hours when the youngest two are in school

I wish I knew.

Checking in as overwhelmed and stressed to my eyeballs, feel like I am drowning most days.

I used to run which is a great stress reliever but my knees are fucked and I can no longer run for a bus.

I do crochet but can’t concentrate at the moment.

It’s easy to say do something else but bloody hard to do. I do have a long term plan to leave in a couple of years and some days I can cope with that, other days I feel like I will have a breakdown before the week is out🤷‍♀️

Whilst my job is not brain surgery I am responsible for a ward full of patients and all that goes on within the ward. It weighs very heavily and I don’t cope well with failure.

I switch off the minute I finish for the day, I just don’t care enough to give it attention when I’m not being paid (and I’m senior in my sector-I like my job but I genuinely don’t give a monkeys about it).

21 years in the sector and I realised some
years back that they don’t give a shit about me really, so I do enough and that’s it. The more you do, the more you care, the more you get. Doing and caring less is definitely better!

Antidepressants 🥺

Work stress is a massive trigger for my anxiety

I fell in love and stopped working in the evenings- before that I was always stressed!

Me too op. I have been telling myself that I’m good at my job, people at work know that and so I don’t have to be perfect. I have some leeway to drop the ball occasionally etc. and that’ll be ok. It’s helping. Some good tips above too.

Sorry to hear you went through an accident @gardendream but thank you so much for your reply, some brilliant advice I need to follow, especially mindfulness, I’m awful for looking ahead and always worrying about worse case scenario

Like a PP, I'm pretty senior and get paid a lot, but I just don't care about my job when I'm not working it. I get paid to care between 8-4, Monday to Friday, not to spend 24/7 stressing about it. There are manic weeks when a project is wrapping up or there's a problem and I need to put in the hours, and I quite happily travel overnight and some weekends, but not as a norm. If I can't do my day-to-day job in 40 hours a week, then either I need to make a new hire or prioritise my work and - with the agreement of my CEO - drop the tasks at the bottom of the pile.

The same goes for my team and I make that clear when on-boarding. Work hard when you're at work, then shut down your computer, go home and enjoy your free time. I am not impressed by receiving emails at silly o'clock or weekends.

I don't give my job any thought when I'm not at work.
At home time I get in my car and I immediately think ' thank fuck that's over for another day ' then I switch off to it and start planning my evening instead.
I work for my payslip and that's it, so I get there for my start time and finish at my home time.
To the company, you're nothing more than a payroll number. To me, the company is nothing more than a wage.

I'm sorry, I know you're trying to cheer the OP up and it's a derail but this is not true and not helpful. Yes, the OP is right to put her job in perspective.

But actually quite a lot of people look back on their life and wish they'd worked more. People who've pissed their lives away not achieving much and not earning much and specifically women who wish they'd worked more in order to gain financial independence and not get left up shit creek when their husbands pissed off. My mum spent the last 30 years of her life bitterly regretting not having worked more.

I'm sorry -- work isn't the be all and end all. But this horrible little cliche is so unhelpful.