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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this a friend?

45 replies

Littlelovebug · 24/05/2023 14:18

I'd just like some help with figuring out if this girl is a friend or not. After Saturday I'm not so sure.

There wasn't anything major but her behaviour and vagueness just stressed and upset me one too many times.

She has/does-

A) it's always me who asks her to go out
B) got me a parking fine of £90 and didn't offer to contribute anything at all
C) I planned and bought a picnic during lockdown, she spent 30 mins with me before getting her boyfriend to pick her up so they could go to a party and left me sitting in a park with all the food
D) leaves my messages on read and doesn't reply
E) when we are due to go out she cancels at the last minute including as I was leaving the house to collect her
F) won't go out on a night out with me saying she doesn't have any cash but does go out with her friend that she dislikes and ridicules badly
G) when she got married I paid for an afternoon tea as her hen do (she didn't want a big one if any) she cancelled on me that day so I lost the money.

OP posts:
Booklover40 · 24/05/2023 14:19

Of course she’s not a friend - I’m surprised you have to ask! She’s a user, clearly.

CherryBlossom321 · 24/05/2023 14:20

How are you struggling to figure out if this is an authentic friendship?

Conkersinautumn · 24/05/2023 14:20

No.

billyt · 24/05/2023 14:22

@Littlelovebug

She is the complete opposite of a friend

Block and forget about her.

Userengage · 24/05/2023 14:22

Do you really need to ask?

Thelnebriati · 24/05/2023 14:22

She sounds like someone who gets her jollies from being nasty to others. Its not just you she treats badly, and you don't have to volunteer to be her punching bag.

fleur89 · 24/05/2023 14:25

Nope

Iknowthis1 · 24/05/2023 14:28

Definitely not.

Saucemonkey · 24/05/2023 14:29

Err no. She is not your friend, but you already know this.

BananaCocktails · 24/05/2023 14:32

just drop her
I bet she doesn’t message you, unless you message her first, but anyway aside from that just ignore her. If she asks you what’s wrong I wod give her the list you put on here.
I would NEVER do that to anyone I consider a friend
Wouldn’t even do that to somebody I didn’t know

MyEyesAreBleeding · 24/05/2023 14:32

Not a kind person, certainly no friend.

BigMandsTattooPortfolio · 24/05/2023 14:37

She’s an anti-friend. Drop her.

Nodinnernogift · 24/05/2023 14:40

I'm going against the grain here because it's highly likely she does see you as a friend but because she's inherently selfish she doesn't feel bad about treating you badly.

So really I think you are asking the wrong question and instead should ask "is this a person I want to be friends with?"

IndexBook · 24/05/2023 14:43

No, she is not a friend. She is getting something like narcissistic supply by treating you like this - she enjoys devaluing you and playing games. I wouldn't take this personally, it is almost certainly just her MO.
The good news is that she should be very easy to remove from your life - just stop contacting her. If she contacts you...bright and breezy one liner but you're too busy to meet up.

EvilElsa · 24/05/2023 14:44

No. She's a user. I stepped away from a friend like that and I've honestly never has one moment of regret in the 8 years since. Improved my life for the better. I'd not bother messaging anymore. I'd put money on you either never hearing from her again, or hearing from her when she needs a favour.

Mirandia · 24/05/2023 14:47

Nodinnernogift · 24/05/2023 14:40

I'm going against the grain here because it's highly likely she does see you as a friend but because she's inherently selfish she doesn't feel bad about treating you badly.

So really I think you are asking the wrong question and instead should ask "is this a person I want to be friends with?"

This makes sense. I agree

HadEnough2023 · 24/05/2023 14:47

She's not your friend. Dump her.

Newestname002 · 24/05/2023 14:49

@Littlelovebug

This person isn't someone you should have in your life. Not only doesn't she add anything positive, from what you've written, she takes away from it in the uncaring way she treats you.

Please stand up for yourself and drop her. If you can't do it, clearly and firmly face to face, then send her a WhatsApp message. You'll at least know she's received it even if she doesn't respond. If she does respond then list what you've put in your OP. Perhaps unfriend/mute/block her as appropriate.

If you don't let anybody else in your life treat you so disrespectfully (I hope you don't) why do you let her do so? 🌹

fishonabicycle · 24/05/2023 14:50

Obviously not. Kick her to the kerb x

determinedtomakethiswork · 24/05/2023 15:00

She's not your friend. She uses you and has no respect for you. 💐

EbonyRaven · 24/05/2023 15:12

Not sure which option you want us to pick, (YANBU or YABU,) but of COURSE she is not a friend. She is a user, a piss-taker, and a twat. Bin her. As others have said, I can't believe you even need to ask actually.

Alargeoneplease89 · 24/05/2023 15:15

After all the issues why are you friends? Ghost and move on.

I don't agree with the parking one though as the driver you are always responsible.

EthicalNonMahogany · 24/05/2023 15:18

Some examples here are worse than others. A) through F) are annoying things someone would do who doesn't like you much.
Cancelling your hen do that you had paid for is awful.

Either you're a really poor communicator of plans and expectations, or she is a bad friend!

EthicalNonMahogany · 24/05/2023 15:19

Her hen do, I mean

OldEvilOwl · 24/05/2023 15:21

B) got me a parking fine of £90 and didn't offer to contribute anything at all

You got yourself a parking ticket if you were driving, you were responsible for parking
The rest though, no she doesn't sound like a nice person. Stop asking her to do things

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