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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this a friend?

45 replies

Littlelovebug · 24/05/2023 14:18

I'd just like some help with figuring out if this girl is a friend or not. After Saturday I'm not so sure.

There wasn't anything major but her behaviour and vagueness just stressed and upset me one too many times.

She has/does-

A) it's always me who asks her to go out
B) got me a parking fine of £90 and didn't offer to contribute anything at all
C) I planned and bought a picnic during lockdown, she spent 30 mins with me before getting her boyfriend to pick her up so they could go to a party and left me sitting in a park with all the food
D) leaves my messages on read and doesn't reply
E) when we are due to go out she cancels at the last minute including as I was leaving the house to collect her
F) won't go out on a night out with me saying she doesn't have any cash but does go out with her friend that she dislikes and ridicules badly
G) when she got married I paid for an afternoon tea as her hen do (she didn't want a big one if any) she cancelled on me that day so I lost the money.

OP posts:
Want2beme · 24/05/2023 15:21

No, not someone you can call a friend. Its all about her, isn't it. She's treating you very poorly.

How long have you known her and has her behaviour changed to this?

Aavalon57 · 24/05/2023 15:37

You got me at C), but when I read the rest, bloody hell! She is not a friend. Read back that list as if someone else has asked it and see what you think. You, on the other hand, sound like a great friend and I'm sure it won't be long before you find some genuine friends to replace this CF.

WhatNoRaisins · 24/05/2023 15:47

You deserve better than this OP

YouNeverSeeTheRealMe · 24/05/2023 15:56

She isn't a friend, she's a user who wants you when it suits her. Get rid.

Hottoffeesauce · 24/05/2023 16:10

Yeah, she's a really nice friend and we all wish we knew her! Come on! You know she isn't nice and is a user so what is the point of this thread?

YouOKHun · 24/05/2023 16:15

@Littlelovebug you’ve answered your own question. What do you plan to do about her? I only ask because that’s a pretty long list of friendship deal breakers to my mind and you’ve already put up with a lot. I think people with little regard for others beyond their usefulness to the individual often step up their “niceness” when they see you’ve run out of tolerance and it can be easy to get pulled back in. I’d be unavailable in person from now on and monosyllabic in messages but I probably would just drop her. You sound really kind and thoughtful and you deserve a reciprocal friendship where you are treated with more respect.

Blondewithredlips · 24/05/2023 16:15

Booklover40 · 24/05/2023 14:19

Of course she’s not a friend - I’m surprised you have to ask! She’s a user, clearly.

This. You deserve better OP.

DemonicCaveMaggot · 24/05/2023 16:19

She probably thinks she is your friend. Unfortunately her idea of friendship is she does whatever she feels like and you just have to put up with it.

As you are always the one who makes contact to arrange everything, just drop the rope. Stop contacting her. If she contacts you leave her on 'read'. Unfollow her on social media. If she asks you out be 'busy'. I doubt you'll need to do a whole dramatic blocking thing with this one as she doesn't make any effort for you up to now and likely won't in the future.

Floralys2 · 24/05/2023 16:24

She only sees you when there isn't a better option available

Block

squidgybits · 24/05/2023 16:41

LTB
Go no contact, she does not deserve you

HelloIsItYouImLookingFor · 24/05/2023 18:08

She's not a friend, but she didn't get you a parking ticket.you as the driver, that's on you

Original poster
Littlelovebug · 24/05/2023 18:27

OldEvilOwl · 24/05/2023 15:21

B) got me a parking fine of £90 and didn't offer to contribute anything at all

You got yourself a parking ticket if you were driving, you were responsible for parking
The rest though, no she doesn't sound like a nice person. Stop asking her to do things

Re parking ticket I drove us to the venue so she said she would pay for parking. She got out and went to the meter whilst I sorted myself out. She hadn't paid for the parking so I received a fine in the post. I didn't know she hadn't paid. I messaged her and she said she didn't know why I had been charged as she thought she had. I would have liked her to at least offer something (not that I'd have taken it) but she didn't. She never apologised either.

OP posts:
Original poster
Littlelovebug · 24/05/2023 18:30

Want2beme · 24/05/2023 15:21

No, not someone you can call a friend. Its all about her, isn't it. She's treating you very poorly.

How long have you known her and has her behaviour changed to this?

20 years. An old school friend. We didn't see each other for number of years until about 10 years ago when we bumped into each other and became firm friends.

OP posts:
Original poster
Littlelovebug · 24/05/2023 18:32

YouOKHun · 24/05/2023 16:15

@Littlelovebug you’ve answered your own question. What do you plan to do about her? I only ask because that’s a pretty long list of friendship deal breakers to my mind and you’ve already put up with a lot. I think people with little regard for others beyond their usefulness to the individual often step up their “niceness” when they see you’ve run out of tolerance and it can be easy to get pulled back in. I’d be unavailable in person from now on and monosyllabic in messages but I probably would just drop her. You sound really kind and thoughtful and you deserve a reciprocal friendship where you are treated with more respect.

Thank you for saying that. Hopefully make some new friends soon. I think I will distance myself.

OP posts:
mainsfed · 24/05/2023 18:33

Why are you running around after her? Not meaning to be harsh, but you need to understand that no friends is better than shit friends.

rootsandwings89 · 24/05/2023 18:34

You sound like a lovely friend OP and you deserve better than that and will be better off spending your time and effort on someone else

Original poster
Littlelovebug · 24/05/2023 18:35

rootsandwings89 · 24/05/2023 18:34

You sound like a lovely friend OP and you deserve better than that and will be better off spending your time and effort on someone else

Thank you v much xxx

OP posts:
madmumofteens · 25/05/2023 05:44

You sound such a lovely caring person OP she is NOT get rid and find someone who deserves to be your friend xx

WotsitsMadeIn1927 · 27/05/2023 01:06

I’ve clicked on YABU… to even consider that horrible ungrateful woman as a friend.

YANBU for deserving better!! 💐

Frances0911 · 27/05/2023 01:39

Would never have spoken to her again after C.

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