To not call social services?

[pollpp]

I'm sat in my bedroom with the window open and heard the child next door (aged 3) giggling, followed by her mum with a raised voice/through gritted teeth say "get in, get in now".

There was some more giggling as I think she was running away from her and I then heard the sound of a smack and the child said "ouch" and started crying. They then went in.

Friend thinks I should report. I've not had any concerns prior to this.

Well my ds slapped me in the face yesturday then shouted 'mummy no hitting' and laughed. He has never been smacked/hit by an adult in his life, just a cheeky begger.

Really could have been anything.

I wouldn’t report unless you’re sure abuse is occurring. Anything could cause a slap-like noise, especially as you didn’t witness the event or the environment. That could be explained in an innocent way.

I want to add that I have personally reported my neighbour to social services, after a pattern of concerning behaviour spanning months, so I was sure something untoward is regularly going on at that point. Even then, social services wasn’t sure whether to investigate or not(they said they will in the end). I think it has to be more substantial than what you posted to act.

I often clap my hands to get my children’s attention.
Often followed by…you hurt me (even when nowhere near them).
and no, I absolutely categorically would never smack my children. Or hurt them
so unless there are wider or repeated concerns… I wouldn’t report

Not on the basis of a single incident, such as you describe. However, as a pp has suggested, make a note of the date, time, what you heard and sign it.
It could be a one-off, an accident, an exhausted parent. However, if it continues on a regular basis, I would report it. The Local Authority Children's Social Services keep records on families known to them for decades back. Parents may have numerous historical and/or current difficulties which affect their parenting capabilities. Social workers will check familial histories and other agencies likely to be involved before visiting.
Better to be safe than sorry, in my view.

Because I work in child safeguarding. The threshold for social services involvement is very high, the threshold for a child going into care higher still. Also social services cannot remove children. That is the decision of family courts or, in an emergency for a temporary period, police.

In this case, if there are no other concerns I would expect someone from social care to have a conversation with the parents and that will be the end of it. So long as the conversation raises no further concerns. The case may be NFA’d or be stepped down to “early help” services, which are voluntary and then closed if the parent doesn’t want to engage with services.

If however, there’s a catalogue of concerns already from GP, nursery, health visitor etc then this information might be really important. It’s not for members of the public to judge whether a child is at risk or not, if they see something that might be a risk they should report so that can be assessed by the people whose job it is and who will have access to any previous recorded concerns.

Also social services cannot remove children. That is the decision of family courts or, in an emergency for a temporary period, police.

In practice, the courts always do what social services recommends.

So people are saying that someone who might have smacked their child needs SS involvement?

As a person who would never smack my kids and I do think it's shit parenting, I think it's worse to put children at risk of being removed from their family and into a possibly worse situation for them. There are degrees of shit parenting and removed children often don't finish up better off than they were in the first place.

I wouldn't report it

I wouldn’t. Social services ruined the first few months of my sons life and I wouldn’t wish that on anyone.

Nobody is saying they should be removed from their parents and there is no way that would happen because a parent might have smacked a child once. Not even if they did smack the child.

I’m not saying this family need social services involvement but they might. If this is all there is to it then any report will be an open and shut case. However, it could be that there’s a catalogue of concerns from others and that there’s also been 7 attendances for unexplained injuries at A&E in the last 3 months and the nursery are concerned that the child is becoming withdrawn and flinches from adults. The OP can’t know that but social services would have those reports the information from the OP could be a crucial final piece.

Rubbish punctuation there. Sorry, it’s been a long day.

I'm a social worker. Would not report unless there are other concerns.

Lmao physically assault a child with a smack hmmmm ok how quickly the world changes omg

Hitting,smacking 2 totally different things omg...are your seriously telling me if your 3 year old was putting there hand into a blazing fire and you shouted get away and they didn't listen you wouldn't smack there hand away from that fire as quickly as possible then explain the danger. But wait does shouting get away come under verbal abuse good luck whispering it then

I always find these examples really odd. Actually usually it’s “what if they are about to walk into a busy road and you have to ‘smack’ them away from the road”. I have literally never had to smack my children away from anything. I can’t even imagine how that would work. We’ve had fire pits and if I’ve suddenly felt they were in danger I’ve quickly grabbed them and pulled them back, ditto with being close to busy roads. Are other really really ‘smacking’ their children away from things with a movement that would cause a slap like sound?

That's not true.

Surely you would just quickly pull them away from the fire? Going to slap their hand seems a bit of a waste of time if you are worried they are going to get hurt.

When parents snack a child who, for example ran in the road, it's usually a response to their own (the parent's) fear. That's why physical discipline is no good because it's reactive, not proactive and certainly is confusing and hurtful for a child.

Thank you for you comment, and others similar. However I'd like to point out that my title says AIBU to NOT report to social services.

Implying, I am wanting to "mind my own business" but just checking this is the right thing to do.

For advice, obviously?

The child was definitely hit, it was the sound of skin against skin. They were directly outside of my window, with it wide open.

It's attitudes like that that enable abuse to go undetected. I'm not saying that's what's going on here but actually we really shouldn't mind our own business IF harmful parenting is taking place.

I wouldn't report but would keep an eye out.

Smacking in UK is not illegal.

@Tigofigo only in certain parts of UK.

I would be vigilant @pollpp. See if demeanour of child changes, any other signs of concern

Not quite true. It is illegal in Wales and Scotland. Still legal in England. However even in England it is very frowned upon and not accepted. I think teachers etc all have a duty to report if they know a child has been smacked. Social services would deem it poor parenting.