To not call social services?

[pollpp]

I'm sat in my bedroom with the window open and heard the child next door (aged 3) giggling, followed by her mum with a raised voice/through gritted teeth say "get in, get in now".

There was some more giggling as I think she was running away from her and I then heard the sound of a smack and the child said "ouch" and started crying. They then went in.

Friend thinks I should report. I've not had any concerns prior to this.

I wouldn't no. Presuming you are in England it is legal to smack your child. I don't agree with this but SS won't do anything.

No.

I have a strong feeling of deja vu. I’m sure I’ve read this before.

Yes, report. That’s a very little child and physically hitting a child of that age is a worrying sign. Social services aren’t going to swoop in and remove her child and they might not do much at all but if things escalate then the incident will be recorded. Every time a child dies the reviews find the same thing… lots of people had information that may have helped but wasn’t shared. When it comes to children and their safety we need to start breaking down the cultural pressure to “mind your own”.

I would report. Physical pain should not be used to enforce compliant behaviour and, although nothing is likely to come of a one-off incident, you don't know if this is part of a bigger picture of poor parenting or a parent who is struggling and needs support.

I wouldn’t report based on your speculations.

Social services aren’t going to swoop in and remove her child and they might not do much at all but if things escalate then the incident will be recorded

How do you know this?

It's not illegal if you're in England. So on that basis, it makes it unlikely that you would report.

However, personally? I would make an anonymous report if I saw/heard anyone hit a child. The best case scenario is that there are no issues at home and the case is closed but the child is on the radar for social services in the future. Worst case scenario, well there's more physical abuse happening you don't know about and you've been the one adult willing to act to do something.

I get that we have a really engrained cultural notion of minding our own business, but safeguarding is EVERYONE'S responsibility. If I hit my child in earshot/view of others I would absolutely not be surprised if someone decided to pass that info on to professionals. Hitting children is an abuse of power. It is not acceptable. We don't own our children, they're their own autonomous humans. Funnily people who hit their kids would usually be able to restrain themselves from hitting a big burly bloke who could do them some real damage back. They hit them because they are small and vulnerable and they can get away with it. Doesn't matter if it's a mum or a dad or a grandparent, where they hit them. You heard the child say 'ouch' so clearly it was felt and likely hurt.

Sick of apologists for child abuse.

Can confirm this is what happens.

The child will have a file opened at the local child protection team, a social worker will be assigned to investigate. If there is no further action/no concern then the file will be closed but if anything else is reported in the future that child will already be known to them.

I would argue that whatever social services do or don't do isn't really the OP's concern, they're the professionals in charge of safeguarding with much more knowledge and powers than a member of the public. The public's duty is to report, and from that point onwards they've done everything they can do and social services will take the rest from there.

Why did you even tell your friend? Don’t be a gossip.

Only nobody knows wether the child was physically assaulted as the Op.didn't witness anything ,they inly heard a sound which may or may not have been a slap/ smack .

@FuckTheLemonsandBail

Not true. SS often don't tackle the cases of children who really need help. They go for the low hanging fruit.

That's absolutely out of our control what SS do with the info. But if a member of the public overhears or witnesses someone hitting a child their duty is to report it. Act within what we can control. If this counts as 'low hanging fruit' and the SS 'go for it' then that means a child who may be being abused is on their radar.

But the OP doesn't know if the child was hit! How would you like someone to call SS on you based on a conversation they could hear through your wall??

The key here is OP didn't see anything and is interpreting events that could have actually been a slightly stressed parent trying to PREVENT a child being hurt only for the child to hurt themselves anyway as a parent hitting their child.

Reporting it to SS could then lead to a good parent facing a lot of issues. Whilst of course we'd love to trust SS completely, we all know there are issues. There are perfectly good parents who've faced heartache and losing their children because they were an easy target with a misunderstanding whilst truly awful parents have gotten away with it for years because they were overlooked or knew the right things to say etc.

Keep a record of this event so that if something for concrete happens you also have notes about the previous one, stay vigilant, perhaps if you hear something concerning and can discreetly glance out the window so it's not speculation do so.

I'd keep an eye out, particularly for an audible slap (doesn't sound like it was a tap on the legs) but agree with everyone else I wouldn't report that one incident, no.

I disagree with this. There are very few parents who lose their children unnecessarily due to SS involvement. There is a very high threshold for removal and most would be surprised at how hard SS work to keep families together. The things that interfere tend to be related to timelines and children’s long term plan, so if an addict is struggling to get off a substance after having a baby and has a long history of substance abuse, then the baby may be permanently removed because they cannot wait for a secure, permanent family for a parent who may or may not successfully get off drugs.

I do agree some parents know how to play the system, but long term this remains successful less than most people think.

I would need only one incident but that incident had to be significant.

I would take the same approach. Watch and wait.

Usually on these threads I’m saying people should report their concerns. Really thought you didn’t see what happened. I can’t imagine any action will be taken as a result of the referral given you didn’t see what the noise was. Having said that you could make a referral and most likely it’ll be logged without any action, but if there were other concerns from elsewhere it would link up.

I would report it if I had actually seen it, or could be absolutely certain that the sound I had heard was what I thought it was - only OP knows how sure she is of what she heard.

There's no excuse for hitting a child. None.

So you didn't actually see anything?

I'd be more worried about a child being withdrawn and acting scared of the parent. The fact the child was continuing to run away giggling suggests she's not scared of her.

It's not great, smacking isn't ok. BUT toddlers do really test your patience, so as a one-off I wouldnt report but I would keep a close eye.

It's a tough one, because it's physical violence. But equally I know of many good, caring parents who have given the odd frustrated smack, my mum included (and we laugh about it now, I'm certainly not traumatised).

Are you sure it was a smack? I never ever smack but I do clap my hands loudly if im being ignored. (a habit i cant seem to break) I'm always nervous someone will misinterpret the situation. Through a wall it must sound quite bad.

I work within childrens services.

If this is the only report ever made re this family then it is likely that no action will be taken or possibly a parenting class suggested to parents. If there have been other reports then it will help to build a picture that this family is struggling.

I would always advise reporting. Each little report often helps us build a picture of a family.

No.
My child once smacked ME and said ‘ouch’ because it hurt his hand, and like others say the child could have run into something. If the parent normally gives you no concerns, there is nothing to be concerned about.