London and anxiety

[PamDoooove]

Hi all. I could do with a bit of support here (and to be clear, it's not a London bashing thread!)

We are due to travel to London in June - me, DH and two DC aged 7 and 5. We're spending a few days in the city, staying just a bit outside of the centre (perhaps 30 min travel time).

I have always had the fear about London. Amazing city to visit and I know the DC will love it (first time for them). DH studied in London so he loves it. But I find it overwhelming and too busy, plus I have a verging on phobic fear of the tube. In younger years I coped ok and got used to it as I'd visit fairly regularly. But the last time I was there was 2014.

To add to the mix, I have what I'm fairly sure are perimenopausal symptoms. One of which is anxiety and especially around travel. Used to be fine on overground trains but now I'm finding myself increasingly panicky should a train I'm on stop randomly. Pathetic, but there we have it. In addition, since the pandemic we've not done any adventurous holidays with the DC so I'm out of practice! All of this means I'm really worried how I'll cope in London.

'm thinking to ask the GP for diazepam just to get me through (I'm worried about the prospect of DC seeing me panic). But DH thinks that's unnecessary and isn't being very sympathetic about it. He feels I'm overreacting and I get that, I hate myself for feeling this way and if I could pull myself together I absolutely would.

So. If anyone else who is prone to anxiety and especially not fond of a trip to our capital has any advice for coping that's short term, I'd love to hear it! (And please no 'get over it, it's only London'. Trust me if I could, I really would!).

Londoner born and bred and if you tell me where you’re based and what you want to see, I can help with overground/bus route planning? I see someone above mentioned the Uber boat and it is an amazing experience! I recommend :)

Also tell your DH to be more supportive ffs.

Hey OP,

I lived in London for many years and have a similar fear you to. On transport I need daylight, air and the ability to get off if I need to.

Buses in London are great. I use google maps and set my transport mode to public transport and then just busses or buses and boats. If I take the DC to London I will sometimes venture on the tube if I’m up to it. But I’ll pick quieter times and less busy routes. It actually helps having DC around as they are distracting.

Id say try not to overthink it, work out what you need and make it fit your time. There’s so many parks in London a walk will
often involve a fab park for DC.

Oh just saw you will be in Feltham - I second the National Rail service into London and then a bus to wherever you want to go. Just avoid peak hours. You can also walk/get bus to Hatton Cross and go to South Kensington & the museums on the Piccadilly - it’s all above ground until South Kensington.

I'm fifty and I love sitting at the front of the DLR 😀

I'll add to the bus recommendations for the rest though; don't forget that if you get on one and then another within an hour you only pay once, so it doesn't build up if you have to change

Also, get a small hand held fan, just in case you get hot, panicky, or your bus stops for ages with no open windows. London can get v hot!

Try not to think of London as a totally different, alien place, if you can. There are plenty of us here, living our normal lives, and people tend to be nice (despite our reputation).

Don't blame you for wanting to avoid the tube though - it's grim. Feltham is easy as others have said. The train to Waterloo will also link you up with the river boats from Embankment if you just cross over the river (by footbridge - with a lovely view) when you arrive.

The science and history museums were so ridiculously busy last week. I used to go a lot when I lived there, but now it seems they are the main school trip destination as free. My 3 year old couldn’t stand the noise and crowds so we left.

Transport museum in Covent Garden was lovely and quiet, postal museum also. Battersea zoo had a lovely playground. Picnic lunches in Hyde park to get some quieter not city moments. The jubilee park next to London eye a hit. Selfridges toy department much quieter and relaxed compared to Hamleys.

Aim to move between ‘city’ busy parts and quieter places regularly throughout the day, so you get time to decompress. Use google maps as you can usually walk to the same places taking smaller mews back streets instead of constantly on the main roads.

Another born Londoner but this one did write phone numbers on the DC in Sharpie and take a photo of them before we went so I could show it to people if they got lost. I wasn’t anxious, just prepared. Never needed either.

Imperial War Museum was also not too busy when we went on a Bank Holiday weekend.

Depending on where you’re staying you might not need the tube, although it’ll be quicker than buses. My ds works in central London and often gets the bus in cos it’s cheaper, wouldn’t advise it in rush hour though. We are also around 30 mins out in terms of travel time.
You can also pick up WiFi/4g at some stations so that alleviates things a bit more. London in the sunshine is great though so I hope you can enjoy yourself when here.

You've left it a bit late to get proper help for your anxiety, if you had more time you could self-refer to your local IAPT service and have some therapy sessions around managing panic and anxiety. I doubt the GP will give you diazepam, they don't tend to prescribe it for predicted short term situational anxiety anymore due to the risks. Not to mention being under the influence of diazepam in a busy crowded area while in charge of two young kids, that could be a disaster waiting to happen if something happens and you're too woozy to respond.

I think many people including Londoners find navigating around London stressful via tube tbh. It's not pleasant! I hope you figure something out.

I just wanted to say I suffered crippling anxiety peri menopause. The only thing that sorted it was HRT. I notice if I forget to take it for a few days my anxiety is right back. I was the same as you, it got to the stage I was scared to go out some days. It’s all resolved now and in fact I’m currently on a train going into London.

If you are out by Fletham you don't really need to use the tube that much. You can get an overground train in to Clapham Junction and change to an overground train to Victoria. From there is it really easy to walk or get the bus to the west end and Buckingham Palace etc....

Spend some.time looking at maps, central London is very walkable there is no real need to use the tube. I am a Londoner who lives on a main rail line and I rarely use the tube.

Don’t take this the wrong way but WHY have you booked a trip to London when you obviously aren’t going to enjoy it and make it more complicated for everyone else?? 30 mins out of London on a bus rather than tube or train will not be a fun or short journey!
Could you swap your accommodation for a smaller city without a tube system that also has lots going on like Manchester or Bristol?

I understand OP.

I was nervous of London when I first started going independently of parents, but did get over it. But in recent years I've found myself nervous on the tube. I'm fine on the trains themselves, but have a lot of intrusive thoughts about falling onto the tracks, and also falling backwards on the long escalators.
I don't know what the answer is, but I'm also determined not to let it stop me having otherwise lovely days out.

You’ll want to get the train in from Feltham to
Waterloo as the bus will take forever but it’s mainline and overground not the tube so hopefully that will be ok. Beyond that you’ll be fine with a combination of walk, bus and boat to get to all the big sights. You don’t really need any special apps- presuming you already have Google maps that allows you to look at public transport options, filter by type e.g. bus and is more accurate on timings then the screens at the bus stop!

And writing on your kids with sharpie 😱 It’s just London, a perfectly normal place where many of us live and raise kids plus there’s an adult per child. It’s really not necessary.

Hi just catching up on this and thanks to all who have posted since! Again, great advice and I'm screen shotting your suggestions.

Someone mentioned the King's Cross fire. I was aged 8 when that happened and our teacher encouraged us to write a poem about what it must have been like to be in that fire. I had a very overactive imagination and won a prize for it, but I think I also won a lifelong fear of all things underground train related 😁

Re my anxiety, I'd sort of hoped it was a temporary thing but does seem I'm going to need to take action. I have had counselling but I didn't really gell with the counsellor and then had to stop as I had started a new job. Looking into options though. I have little faith in my GP being helpful but we shall see.

I think just having this thread and your advice, plus empathy from those who feel similar, is hugely helpful. I imagine once we are there it will be fine!

Can you actively plan in some stops that will help you bring the anxiety levels down? I'm thinking of London's beautiful green spaces as a good opportunity for self soothing, deep breathing etc. Sometimes London can feel frenetic because there's a self imposed assumption that you need to cram everything into a short space of time.

Also, is there something you would like to do or see that would make the challenges of the trip more worthwhile for you?

I think asking for the diazepam is a good idea. You'll feel safer knowing it's there if needed and will therefore be less likely to panic in the first place, even if/when you attempt the activities that make you uncomfortable. Have a great time btw!

Counselling probably wasn't helpful as that isn't helpful for anxiety, you need CBT :) you don't have to go through the GP if you're in England. Just google your area and 'IAPT' and you'll be able to self-refer.

Also you can use the boat depending on where you are going.

Some tube lines are a lot nicer than others, and avoid rush hours.

But OP maybe it's worth facing your fears on this one.

I don't use the tube when I go to London. I struggle with escalators and being deep underground. It's easy to get around central London by bus. I can manage some tube lines - the District and Circle lines are less deep and can be accessed by a flight of stairs and are partly above ground. I go to the south Kensington museums that way.

Some parts of central London are much quieter than others. Don't go to the National Gallery, the south Kensington museums or Oxford Street at busy times. You can have a peaceful walk across Kensington Gardens, Hyde Park, Green Park and St James' Park. The smaller museums in "Museum Mile" around Bloomsbury are usually quiet. A walk along the river and combine it with a river boat trip is good.
There's a book called Quiet London which might be worth getting.

OP I had anxiety when menopause stating kicking in. HRT was the best thing I ever did.