London and anxiety

[PamDoooove]

Hi all. I could do with a bit of support here (and to be clear, it's not a London bashing thread!)

We are due to travel to London in June - me, DH and two DC aged 7 and 5. We're spending a few days in the city, staying just a bit outside of the centre (perhaps 30 min travel time).

I have always had the fear about London. Amazing city to visit and I know the DC will love it (first time for them). DH studied in London so he loves it. But I find it overwhelming and too busy, plus I have a verging on phobic fear of the tube. In younger years I coped ok and got used to it as I'd visit fairly regularly. But the last time I was there was 2014.

To add to the mix, I have what I'm fairly sure are perimenopausal symptoms. One of which is anxiety and especially around travel. Used to be fine on overground trains but now I'm finding myself increasingly panicky should a train I'm on stop randomly. Pathetic, but there we have it. In addition, since the pandemic we've not done any adventurous holidays with the DC so I'm out of practice! All of this means I'm really worried how I'll cope in London.

'm thinking to ask the GP for diazepam just to get me through (I'm worried about the prospect of DC seeing me panic). But DH thinks that's unnecessary and isn't being very sympathetic about it. He feels I'm overreacting and I get that, I hate myself for feeling this way and if I could pull myself together I absolutely would.

So. If anyone else who is prone to anxiety and especially not fond of a trip to our capital has any advice for coping that's short term, I'd love to hear it! (And please no 'get over it, it's only London'. Trust me if I could, I really would!).

Try the tube when it's not rush hour . Maybe for one stop? You don't want your children to catch the fear, so you could let hubby take them maybe?

Also the Elizabeth line is brand new and very open, and it's over ground some of the way

as others have said, buses and boats. also, central london is smaller than you'd think so even walking. I hate the tube at the best of times, so usually look for an alternative. Hope you all have a great time!

I've suffered with travel anxiety of various kinds throughout my life, including periods of feeling phobic about the tube. It's often connected to travel sickness or other physical discomfort, and I find it helpful to know that because it helps to disentangle the feelings.

If you can hold your nerve, the anxiety can subside remarkably quickly. The key is to wait it out, and also focus on pleasure. There's no need to put yourself through the tube but have a plan for any situation where you might feel a bit anxious (eg crowds). So you need a really nice treat. Perhaps have a huge bag of your favourite sweets or snacks in the world. While you're in the crowd you are allowed to eat as much as you want guilt free. Concentrate on enjoying your treat and just wait for the anxiety trigger to be over. Don't think about how you feel or whether you're coping/in danger/getting worse/getting better just... be YOU mindfully enjoying your thing because you deserve it.

I've done this on planes with an addictive word game on my phone, trains with books and chocolate, the tube singing a catchy song to myself and a ferry just lying still and not talking to my toddler. All massive treats I forced myself to enjoy instead of thinking about the anxiety and they were surprisingly effective.

I think 2014, when you were last in London, was peak busy! It’s SO much quieter now. It’s like a different city since Covid meant people work ant home more and the cost of living means people seem to shop in person less.

if you really hate the Tube it can be fun to walk. Probably quicker in some incidences.

my tip for tube journeys is if it all gets a bit much to get out and stand by a wall. In a minute you’ll be alone. Tube stations are so transitory,

Poor you OP, I really feel for you. I used to feel a tiny bit of what you’re feeling when I came to London for work - totally overwhelmed and almost freaked out by the crowds at times on the Tube. I never thought I would, but I live here now and couldn’t imagine being anywhere else. It’s amazing how quickly you get used to it. Most of the people on the Tube in central are visitors as well, outside peak morning and evening rush hour. Would it help to pop down into a Tube station without going anywhere, just to have a bit of a mooch around on the first day? Not sure if you’d have the time to do that but it might help you get acclimatised before you go on a journey with the family. If you do feel
like making a trip, tell yourself it’s just one stop at a time and agree with your husband that if you feel uncomfortable at any time then you can all get off and continue by bus. It’s only a minute or two between most stations so you’re never committed for long. Good luck!

Yeah everyone hates the tube! But they are so much better than they used to be. When I first moved to London in the 80s people still smoked on them! And on the platforms. Until King's Cross burnt down in a fag butt related disaster.
Also lol that Sadiq Khan caused road traffic to move slowly. Traffic congestion in all major cities has been a problem since at least Roman times.

I live in London and actually don’t use the tube, or extremely rarely. It’s not essential. A combination of overground, buses and walking completely eases the day. No need for the tube madness unless you’re in a rush

Get the overground and buses op.

Walk, bus, train, even Uber if you are not going far. If you plan your itinerary in advance you should be able to manage doing a fair bit on foot.
Make sure you have refillable water bottles, book where possible for any exhibitions etc rather than just turning up and joining long queues. Don't even attempt the tube if it is hot.
I always used to dress my DC similarly so that if one got lost, you could use the other one to show what they were wearing! Eg red polo shirt and denim shorts, I don't mean anything unusual. But bright coloured tops are good if you've got a runner! And something bright/easily visible for you and DH too.

They are so not "so much better!" The heat is the worst thing on the underground, it's much worse than it used to be.
And the traffic is terrible, again way worse than it used to be: in outer London that's certainly down to the Sadiq's mad traffic schemes. However I do agree that Central London traffic has been appalling for years, like most big cities.
Maybe we could bring back trams!

I think you should try a gentle re-introduction to the tube. Get on at a quiet station at a quiet time and go a single stop before getting off again. If that’s manageable try a slightly longer trip, and reward yourself. When DS was little he loved sitting at the front of DLR trains, too.

I’ve lived in London all my life. Including a spell with very bad anxiety and a phobia of tubes etc. You just have to do it or you can’t get around. As a tourist you’ll be off peak so it won’t be busy. And your kids are there so put a brave face on. That’s what I do with flying - my 8 Yr old has no clue I fucking hate it and am panicking.

I wouldn’t plan to avoid as you’ll just ruin your holiday trying to get around and make things worse for the future. Honestly nothing can happen so just say ‘come on panic do your worst’ and nothing will happen. Once you accept panic it goes.

The tubes are definitely better now. Back in the nineties when I was commuting they'd grind to a halt regularly, leaving me stuck in tunnels, stuck outside closed stations, having to walk a mile to the nearest functioning station, or kicked out in the middle of nowhere. They're way more reliable now.

I have anxiety about travel as well. My advice: avoid Tubs and plan mostly walking and buses, plan as much as possible, take a small notebook and make notes it’s more relaxing and saves phone battery, plan familiar places to eating e.g McDonald’s or Costa or Pizza Hut whatever your children are used to it - to take off stress of a new place.
Most places have maps online, I’ve found them very helpful to familiarise myself with a layout in advance.
I second buying a power bank, some of them are quite small so easy to put in a bag.
Could you go to a busy city for a day before the trip? We did this and it helped me to regain my confidence a bit.
I’ve used to put a card in DD’s bag with my name and mobile number, my friend put them in the pockets. It might be an option, and bright top so DC are noticeable, if this is your worry.
Tbh I try to identify my worries and tackle each of them separately however ridiculous they are. It helps me.
I wouldn’t take tablets if I didn’t take them before, I would worry about side effects.
i think the main problem is that you haven’t been in London for a while: plan, plan, plan and take it slowly, it will help.

Plus you can use your phone on a lot of the underground now which calms me.

It’s really interesting how many Londoners on this thread hate the Tube, I always thought any London based people would be forever skipping on and off without anxiety.

We can get a forty minute train into London, but I realised I rarely wanted to because I detested the Tube so much. Now because we don’t go often we use Ubers, walking and the absolutely brilliant Thames Clipper service. Without the Tube I quite like a trip to London now, it’s easy to get around without it.

I suffer from similar anxiety. My advice would be to talk openly with your husband about it so he's aware ahead of time about what makes you nervous - the train and the tube elements- so that he can help you with coping strategies such as listening to music or anything else to calm you down on the train, and walking instead of getting the tube. As another poster said, you can always wander around while DH takes kids on the tube. Loads of people avoid the tube, it's really common! You'll be fine. Also allow plenty of time for journeys to minimise any additional stress..

No, one reason a lot of us are angry about "high traffic networks" is it makes buses uuseable for longer journeys. It used to be fine to bus to work from Zone 6 to Zone 1.

I know a lot of people who held on to cars to avoid the Tube. Lots of us really hate it.

Don't ever go to Mumbai.

Lots of good advice already here op but don't let your husbands sneering stop you seeking gp support.

If noise can trigger you anxiety then look at some ear plugs you can wear while on the tube. Loop earplugs are good - they do a variety of different noise-blocking levels so that they accommodate people using them for sound reduction/environmental easing etc

Also, it's not too hard to find a calmer spot off the busiest streets if you just need a few minutes to centre yourself. Lots of little green spaces around London. Planning for regular tea breaks might help (camomile good for anxiety too).

You absolutely can get around without using the tube but it's not always more convenient to do so. Citymapper is great because it gives you options with real time.

I recently had to catch the bus from Euston due to train strikes,it was brilliant! It was like a tour bus, clean, comfortable and they announce to stop so you know where to get off now which is a new thing from when I lived there. I will use buses again,so much nicer than the tube.

I think it's fine to ask your GP for something you can take, propanol is the usual medication prescribed for this. Sometimes knowing you have something you can take if you need to can help.

Def download Citymapper if you don’t have it - it gives you options to get from A to B - car, taxi, walking, bus, tube etc

Yep and if you walk via South Bank, over the bridge, up Villiers Street you are on the Strand. Take a left and see Trafalgar Square. Walk down Whitehall for Downing Street and Houses of Parliament. Take a right at Parliament Street and continue to Birdcage Walk/St James’ Park (on this bit you could also do a little detour for Westminster Abbey) and then you are at Buckingham Palace. Also a lovely playground in St James’ Park.