London and anxiety

[PamDoooove]

Hi all. I could do with a bit of support here (and to be clear, it's not a London bashing thread!)

We are due to travel to London in June - me, DH and two DC aged 7 and 5. We're spending a few days in the city, staying just a bit outside of the centre (perhaps 30 min travel time).

I have always had the fear about London. Amazing city to visit and I know the DC will love it (first time for them). DH studied in London so he loves it. But I find it overwhelming and too busy, plus I have a verging on phobic fear of the tube. In younger years I coped ok and got used to it as I'd visit fairly regularly. But the last time I was there was 2014.

To add to the mix, I have what I'm fairly sure are perimenopausal symptoms. One of which is anxiety and especially around travel. Used to be fine on overground trains but now I'm finding myself increasingly panicky should a train I'm on stop randomly. Pathetic, but there we have it. In addition, since the pandemic we've not done any adventurous holidays with the DC so I'm out of practice! All of this means I'm really worried how I'll cope in London.

'm thinking to ask the GP for diazepam just to get me through (I'm worried about the prospect of DC seeing me panic). But DH thinks that's unnecessary and isn't being very sympathetic about it. He feels I'm overreacting and I get that, I hate myself for feeling this way and if I could pull myself together I absolutely would.

So. If anyone else who is prone to anxiety and especially not fond of a trip to our capital has any advice for coping that's short term, I'd love to hear it! (And please no 'get over it, it's only London'. Trust me if I could, I really would!).

Exactly what I was thinking. Take what you need OP.

Try mindfulness and CBT techniques, and visualising having a lovely time there together.

I empathise I've had the same. It's always fine once I'm there and take it day by day.

The new Elizabeth line is very calm and safe feeling compared to others by the way.

I'm also a Londoner and do sometimes feel overwhelmed (even though I love it most of the time).

Maybe find walking routes which include parks or open spaces so you can take breathers en route. There are loads of places which are next to green open areas. Also walking along the Thames is good. Whilst it can be busy it's open and takes in quite a few if the sites. (Also, as someone else mentioned, the Water taxis are ace and quick)

I live in London and love it but find the busy touristy parts overwhelming. I would try and plan a mix of visiting the main tourist sites and some places that a bit off the beaten track or parks / open places. Buses are a good way to get around central London or walking.

London can be busy and I’m not much of a fan of the tube but it’s useful if you need to go any distance. With buses, give yourself extra time because of traffic. The kids will enjoy sitting upstairs at the front as it’s the best view. If you feel overwhelmed you can generally step into a side street to get away from the crowds. It’s how I navigate the city and there’s always something worth seeing on the back streets. Don’t think about it too much and have fun!

If I was planning a complicated and unfamiliar day out with another adult and two young children and with no warning I found myself having to deal single handedly with two children and an adult incapacitated by the use of psychoactive drugs then I'd be fucking livid.

I'm influenced by the fact that I take fairly high doses of Valium for dental work, and it takes the full supervision of a competent adult to get me home on the bus without me wandering into the road. Dosages vary and reactions vary I know, but the other adult in the party definitely needs to be informed and gets a say in the plan.

Anyway: Citymapper, buses, good luck.

Propanolol will help. It slows down the heart rate to ease the symptoms of anxiety, works in about 30 minutes. It doesn’t space you out the way diazepam would & also isn’t addictive! I don’t think a Dr would prescribe diazepam for anxiety nowadays.
It gives me a dry mouth so if you do use it have a bottle of water.

I'm a lifelong Londoner who has barely now scraped out to the edge
All of what you describe, I really struggled with.

Avoiding the Tube, and busy stations, is key. You see a great deal of beauty when walking. If there's an option to use a smaller station eg Borough instead of London Bridge, I did that. I haven't been to places like Oxford Circus or Leics Square in years.

If you post what you'd like to see, lots of us will be able to help. Re tablets, you could try something herbal like Stressless or Kalms, that might help. If you think a very low dose of Valium will help, I have no judgement, I used Valium when I went on flights.

Please don't write on your children in Sharpie. That is extreme, and a good way of passing unnecessary anxiety on to them.

Another Londoner here who dislikes the tube and avoids it if at all possible. I do find the lines which have ‘walk through’ carriages where you can basically walk the length of the train - as opposed to individual carriages where you can’t walk from one to the other - less claustrophobic and overwhelming. So the Elizabeth and Circle lines for example. They are also air-conditioned which helps.

On a practical note: when I take my kids to London I always write mine & husband's names / phone numbers on the inside of their forearms in sharpie.

😮

My last two London trips were revolutionised by the ability to use my mobile phone to see how long it took to walk places versus taking the tube. I actually found majority of places were imminently walkable ( we were staying at Blackfriars).
Another option for getting round are the Uber boats - Greenwich is a fun day out to get to by boat.

Can’t help about London but I can recommend the Dare app for anxiety related tips.

I’m in London a fair amount for work and don’t use the tube much, I run/cycle to meetings, I love to see things above ground so I can put London into perspective.
Buses are plentiful and cheaper than the tube.
If you do use the tube I find the Elizabeth line to be actually alright! I didn’t feel too bad on there.
If it does stop in a tunnel it’s really very rare it’s for anything longer than 5 mins.

@GeneHuntsCowboyBoots the dare app and book now mean I can fly largely without anxiety, it’s amazing!

That’s amazing! I’ve found it the best thing ever too. I’ve had therapy over the years, and meds which have admittedly helped but it’s the Dare app (and book) that have helped me actually ‘do’ things. I was borderline agoraphobic at one point before discovering it.

Thanks for all the really useful travel tips and anxiety hacks! Much appreciated and very helpful. Re. the diazepam, I'm aware the GP wouldn't prescribe it for this and I'd never take so much as to be out of it, I have only been on it once and would take a minimal amount...but do appreciate it's not the best plan! Was just wondering if there was a lighter alternative and seems there is ...but obviously would rather avoid. I think with forward planning we will be ok

Staying in the Feltham area I think, and have a definite planned day out to Kingston to see friends. Beyond that, no plans as yet but probably a lot of park visiting, looking at Buckingham Palace and museums.

Don’t plan too much, so you’re not rushing around. Definitely get Citymapper app, it shows how much of London is walkable or get buses, or overground trains if you’re in the right area. Buses are more fun for kids! Try and have some time in a park each day to decompress

If you’re staying in Feltham you can get southwestern train into Waterloo and then walk over the Thames and up to Buckingham palace, then go to green park!

Will definitely download the Dare app, it sounds amazing! So frustrating to have this anxiety about travel, it's come on so suddenly and I really worry about it getting worse. But that's a bigger issue I need to address and am looking into counselling.

Sounds an excellent plan thanks @Lcb123!

This. There’s 2 adults and 2 kids- no need to project your own anxieties onto them.

Buses are fine and you see more! Even though London is busy I find it’s always fairly easy to turn into a side street and suddenly it’ll be very quiet. So it’s not like every single bit is crowded all the time.

Also, I’ve written my phone number on my kids arm in a crowded place before. Didn’t give them anxiety - quite the opposite, as they knew I would be found quickly if they did get lost.

The Elizabeth line is a much more pleasant experience than the rest of the tube, you could perhaps work your journeys around that if buses won’t work for everything? The stations/carriages are all air conditioned, the stations have much more space, the carriages are generally clean and quiet and the journeys are very quick. It’s SO much nicer than rattling around on something like the Bakerloo line!
as previously recommended the CityMapper app is amazing, it gives you several options for each journey you want to take and will even alert you when to get off of the bus/tube and what exit to use. Try to avoid travelling at rush hour if you can, you’ll find it a much more pleasant experience. However, a lot of central London is surprisingly close together and walkable.

Pick your times, and the bus network is good. I live in central London, but work about 7 miles outside - I wouldn't get a bus there in the morning rush hour, but coming home it takes maybe 10-15 minutes more to travel home by bus.
TFL have their own transport app - can be useful in that it tends to be more up to date with any diversions or disruptions to routes.

And maybe a day with Thames 'hopper' tickets

Have a great time.