To ask what your live looks like after divorce

Lockeddownagain · 2023-05-23T16:19:31+00:00

I'm trapped at the minute due to financial issues But I wanted to ask what is your life like after you got divorced I need postive stories

anon12345anon · 23/05/2023 17:37

Got divorced after my husband fell out of love with me .......

I won't lie, the first year was awful..... I was depressed, drank too much and I was emotionally drained.

However, I am now happy and comfortable. I can do my own thing without needing to discuss it first. No more irritating habits to put up. No arguments over spending money.
I can honestly say I'm the strongest and most confident I've ever been, and I've never had so many mates and such a good social life!

I still look back at my old life with a tinge of sadness, at the time it was out of the blue, and I still loved him.... But time heals.

My life is 100% better now

Good luck op..... Remember life is too short to stay in a rubbish relationship X

gogohmm · 23/05/2023 17:39

I've moved, met someone sense, bought a house together and wondering why I didn't do it sooner

Thepeopleversuswork · 23/05/2023 17:41

Mine has been bloody brilliant on every single measure. Happier, my child is happier, I earn more money, have more freedom, don’t have to constantly consider someone else’s (unreasonable) needs. Have a nice new partner who isn’t an arsehole. I highly recommend it.

The interim period will be tough but it’s the right thing to do.

StMarysTrainee · 23/05/2023 17:51

Every single day I have felt at peace in myself. I’ve made my house and gardens homey, I’m much better off as I have no leech on the household finances, I can make decisions that are best for me. Oh, and I fell in love with a wonderful man who cherishes me and makes me feel beautiful. It’s contentment, as this life is more the real me.

Gettingbysomehow · 23/05/2023 17:53

Got divorced when my ex left after 20 years. I was utterly devastated as I thought we'd be together forever.
He was shocked not to be awarded any money as I'd owned everything outright before we were married.
So being penniless he asked to come back. I said no because he'd said pre divorce he didn't love me any more.
5 years later I am very happy indeed. I decided to sell up and move to a place I always wanted to live. The house is much more suited to my needs. I have a great new job and 2 significant promotions.
Away from him I realised how selfish and uncaring he was all those years and how he watched me breaking my back in the garden and never offered to help. I was just a maid and a bank to him. He never cared about me. All our friends chose me. They said they had never liked him. Thst speaks volumes.
Thank God I found out eventually what he was really like. Its easy to kid yourself when you are in the thick of it. I'm finally really happy after all this time.

WateryDoom · 23/05/2023 17:57

It's glorious. I had a couple of years on my own with young children, met my now DH (who raised them as his own) and I don't miss my dickhead of an ex at all.

DH and I are now retirement age, have been very happy for almost 30 years and I'm extremely grateful not to be celebrating what (would have been) my 43rd wedding anniversary to a horrible, selfish person this year. What a waste of life that would have been.

CalistoNoSolo · 23/05/2023 17:59

Immeasurably better on so many levels for me and DD. Living with someone you don't like is soul-sapping and that rubs off on the children involved too. Staying because of the children rarely helps the children.

potsandpots79 · 23/05/2023 17:59

Two years on and struggling terribly due to the ongoing effects on kids. One of whom is off school due to stress and pert exclusion. ASD. I am struggling also. I want to move to London but feel trapped due to children and circs. Have no idea what the future will hold.

meandtheboy · 23/05/2023 18:00

It feels like the sun has come out @Lockeddownagain , and I had forgotten how to feel this happy waking up in the morning. Yes I'm tired through being a single mum, yes I'm skint, but so, so much more at ease and looking forward to the future.

It was brutal at the time (he was abusive and I had to ask him to leave) and none of his family will speak to me, which was a sad shock (stupidly I thought they'd wonder how I was), but you get through it one day at a time, and then one day it's done and you realise you are free...and that's a wonderful feeling.

Whatsherusername · 23/05/2023 22:20

After 5 years od not seeing my children as he had alienated them i am now in contact with all of them and they all have no time for him at all, i am now in a new relationship of 6 years and so happy. Karma gets them in the end

Loafbeginsat60 · 23/05/2023 22:24

It's wonderful. I felt like a weight had been lifted when he left.

Kids and I had a wonderful sunny lockdown summer playing in the garden and on the beach.

Then I met now dh and life is just perfect. I finished my degree and got a great job and now have no financial worries at all after years and years of being skint.

Helps that dh is wonderful and the dc love him.

TheTellTaleHeart · 23/05/2023 22:41

Lovely! My ex was abusive and controlling, so obviously life took a sharp uptick after getting out of that. In retrospect, I realise that all my relationships have involved an awful lot of compromise and sacrifice for me and lots of comfort and benefits for them! I now live for myself and my kids and every single day is a pleasure. I’ve started my own business, which I always dreamed of, have decorated my home to my taste, eat what I want when I want and sleep unmolested in a cool, comfy king sized bed. The kids are well adjusted and happy. I thoroughly recommend it. And think twice before you jump back into the frying pan!

ivegotthisyeah · 23/05/2023 23:17

TheTellTaleHeart · 23/05/2023 22:41

Lovely! My ex was abusive and controlling, so obviously life took a sharp uptick after getting out of that. In retrospect, I realise that all my relationships have involved an awful lot of compromise and sacrifice for me and lots of comfort and benefits for them! I now live for myself and my kids and every single day is a pleasure. I’ve started my own business, which I always dreamed of, have decorated my home to my taste, eat what I want when I want and sleep unmolested in a cool, comfy king sized bed. The kids are well adjusted and happy. I thoroughly recommend it. And think twice before you jump back into the frying pan!

Unmolested that made be laugh out loud. The joys of being single

Ontheperiphery79 · 23/05/2023 23:26

I left my husband when our DC were small babies.
It's taken a few years to get my DC to where I want us to be in life and I've done everything on my own without any support from anyone and I'm bloody proud of me and my DC.
I have zero regrets at leaving him for reasons too multitudinous to detail here late at night, but I've been single and celibate for 5 years now, have great friendships, live in a lovely area for families and, whilst we are poor and I'm plagued by physical health problems, I'm content and, sometimes, truly happy.
My ex is a shit Dad, but he loves the girls and they love him, and he has monthly contact with them, when he stays for a weekend, and I try to remain as amiable as possible (whilst cursing him inwardly for being such a twunt).

TheTellTaleHeart · 23/05/2023 23:27

😂 So true though! Every single night I get in and think how lovely it is to be in my bed alone, without someone’s sweaty, self-serving boner ground into my lumber.

TheRealKatnissEverdeen · 23/05/2023 23:27

What @StMarysTrainee described. Some work still to do but almost there.

GoingSoloisAwesome · 23/05/2023 23:28

My previous user name was “Gettingthere…” I’m there! The first few years were rough as I was dealing with the knowledge he had cheated but looking back best thing he ever did in some ways as I would never have left.

kids have a calm house to come home to, I’ve decorated my house to my tastes in almost 30 odd years I have wasnt able to hang up a picture without him making a face about it to let me know he didn’t like it. I don’t have to cook every night if I don’t want to; I somehow have more money than I use to but same income; also like another poster said I can sleep unmolested; I make decisions without all the procrastinating he would go through love making decisive decisions :)

I do have the usual teenage angst and currently have an issue with my child and school but that would happen regardless of my relationship status.

I have zero plans (at this stage and possibly ever) to be in a relationship and am just enjoying the freedom of being the boss of my house, my mind and my decisions. It’s a great feeling.

wormshock · 23/05/2023 23:35

I needed this thread, thank you OP

TheTellTaleHeart · 23/05/2023 23:43

GoingSoloisAwesome · 23/05/2023 23:28

My previous user name was “Gettingthere…” I’m there! The first few years were rough as I was dealing with the knowledge he had cheated but looking back best thing he ever did in some ways as I would never have left.

kids have a calm house to come home to, I’ve decorated my house to my tastes in almost 30 odd years I have wasnt able to hang up a picture without him making a face about it to let me know he didn’t like it. I don’t have to cook every night if I don’t want to; I somehow have more money than I use to but same income; also like another poster said I can sleep unmolested; I make decisions without all the procrastinating he would go through love making decisive decisions :)

I do have the usual teenage angst and currently have an issue with my child and school but that would happen regardless of my relationship status.

I have zero plans (at this stage and possibly ever) to be in a relationship and am just enjoying the freedom of being the boss of my house, my mind and my decisions. It’s a great feeling.

I totally relate to this. It’s a pretty damning indictment of a lot of men’s behaviour in relationships, that simply being single can bring such unmitigated joy to women 😂 Also a bit sad to realise you’ve lived in serfdom for so much of your life, totally unnecessarily!

GoingSoloisAwesome · 23/05/2023 23:50

@TheTellTaleHeart absolutely I think I was lacking boundaries with massive people pleasing tendencies jumping in to be the fixer etc.

now that I have had the last few years to just be me it’s been refreshing and my bar has been set high as to what I am willing to accept going forwards.

Nat6999 · 24/05/2023 00:22

13 years since I left, had a partner for 5 years before he sadly passed away, been single for 8 years. Brought ds up on my own since he was 6, I can't imagine what my life would have been like had I stayed, frankly I don't think I would still be alive or sane.

Kaleidoscope101 · 24/05/2023 00:44

Gettingbysomehow · 23/05/2023 17:53

Got divorced when my ex left after 20 years. I was utterly devastated as I thought we'd be together forever.
He was shocked not to be awarded any money as I'd owned everything outright before we were married.
So being penniless he asked to come back. I said no because he'd said pre divorce he didn't love me any more.
5 years later I am very happy indeed. I decided to sell up and move to a place I always wanted to live. The house is much more suited to my needs. I have a great new job and 2 significant promotions.
Away from him I realised how selfish and uncaring he was all those years and how he watched me breaking my back in the garden and never offered to help. I was just a maid and a bank to him. He never cared about me. All our friends chose me. They said they had never liked him. Thst speaks volumes.
Thank God I found out eventually what he was really like. Its easy to kid yourself when you are in the thick of it. I'm finally really happy after all this time.

My story is similar to this (not the money aspect).
Stunned to find my ex had been cheating for the last 2 years of our 25 year relationship.
I was devestated and so scared to be on my own.
Worked hard on myself and ensuring that my children were ok (proud of the co parenting relationship we have).
Now have a smaller home but love it, independence, a new job I love and a confidence and strength I never knew I had.
I am sad that it happened but the man I loved isn't the same man I once knew and I'm glad not to be his second choice anymore.
I look at him now with fresh eyes and see him for what he is (selfish and moody) and am glad to be on my own.

Hawkins0001 · 24/05/2023 00:50

I wonder if a friend marriage is heading for a split

justjuggling · 24/05/2023 00:50

It was tough at first - financially, emotionally, practically, but now I feel contented and at peace. My life isn’t full of glamour or excitement and I don’t live in a huge house or go on multiple holidays a year but I wouldn’t trade the lack of drama or rollercoaster of emotions I experienced when married for anything. Me and my DDs have a lovely, settled and happy life together.

Thesharkradar · 24/05/2023 01:01

It’s a pretty damning indictment of a lot of men’s behaviour in relationships, that simply being single can bring such unmitigated joy to women 😂 Also a bit sad to realise you’ve lived in serfdom for so much of your life, totally unnecessarily!
💯
I remember a kind of 'schools out' feeling ... like you had strict parents but they've gone away on holiday for good and you can relax finally