To ask what your live looks like after divorce

[Lockeddownagain]

I'm trapped at the minute due to financial issues
But I wanted to ask what is your life like after you got divorced
I need postive stories

So much better. I'm enjoying life again, I can breathe. I love being in my own home now. I'm closer to my children, and have more leisure time. At my age I'll probably stay single now, and that is more than OK.

5 yr marriage when I was 20, no kids. I was not financially dependent (quite the opposite).

When I finally opened my eyes and got fed up with his abuse, in a fit of (righteous) anger I kicked him out. Enough was enough and the words were out of my mouth before I realized it. The immediate feeling when the door shut behind him was absolute, unmitigated joy. I was actually giddy with relief. In the immediate aftermath there were also feelings of sadness (death of the dream) and fear (he threatened to sue me for alimony). But after a month or two passed things settled into feelings of peace, calm, and contentment. I was my own boss at last! I went on a whirl of redecorating and rearranging. I bought what I wanted when I wanted it, no more worries about whether or not I should because of the price I'd have to pay at home. I'd say I was a different woman, but that's not strictly true. Because I did eventually go into counseling until I was once again the woman I was before I met and married him. And I discovered that she was a pretty great person, not the 'pathetic fool' he'd convinced me I was. And I learnt how to recognize shitty men and avoid them like the plague.

I met and married DH a few years later. We just celebrated our 38th anniversary. We've raised two fine sons and are now retired. You know what...Life IS Good!!

@Lockeddownagain Just keep envisioning your true life, not the one you're living now. Envision it and work towards it. You'll get there, I promise.

I was 35 when i left, and i left with only my clothes, and other personal belongings. I was terrified about how I'd survive and felt as though I'd jumped off a cliff and honestly did not know what was at the bottom or how I'd land (or survive).

Fast forward 7 years, and that feeling of not knowing how I'll land is still there... I'm not a high earner, don't own my own home, but i do work and i keep going and manage just fine, albeit with a frugal lifestyle.

For me, leaving meant leaving a beautiful home that was owned outright (he bought it, I never went after a penny - i just wanted out and didn't have the stomach for further pain, we didn't have kids and neither leaving without a penny nor the not having kids are things i regret), and moving into a flat as someone else's lodger. Literally starting again, with bugger all.

I'm divorced now and happy.

I've got hobbies i love, no longer someone's lodger and instead I'm renting my own place, and have started my own business on the side of my day job, selling artwork.

I'll never be a high earner. One day perhaps I'll own my own place - that's a goal...

There's no drama, no drugs, no violent temper, no verbal abuse, no cruel behaviour, no moodiness, no disappearing acts, no nonsense to deal with. Just peace, a clean and tidy home that doesn't get trashed, and a life that feels buzzing with creativity and possibilities.

Leaving was one of the scariest things I've done, but also probably the best decision I've ever made... I gave myself a second chance at a happy life and with that, I'm determined to crack on and make the most of it. I won't be making a cock up of this second chance I was almost too frightened to take.

Everyone's situation is obviously different, but i think one thing that's pretty much the same for all of us who leave a bad situation is that feeling in the pit of your stomach that screams louder and louder that's it time to go; it doesn't let up until we do. Good luck OP x

My exH left me for a younger, slimmer, woman after 25yrs together, most of that time married.

13yrs on, they are married and happy, I am single and happy. We co parented well after the first few rocky years when he seemed to forget he was a parent 🤷🏼‍♀️. Frankly I am VERY happy that she came along - I'm not sure that I would have been brave enough to take the step of ending the relationship- it wasn't THAT bad and I did love him - but we are both happier now.

It's great.

If I don't feel well (long term health condition) and the hoovering doesn't get done, I don't get walloped for not hoovering. (Other household chores also included as it was beneath him to do "women's work")

12 years since me and my ex split (my decision, had fallen out of love due to being treated like a servant and me and my DS never being prioritised). Best decision I ever made but that doesn't mean it was easy. Thought I'd struggle financially but it was how my DS struggled to cope with the situation that floored me.

However - me and my ex co parented much better than we had ever parented, I never slagged off my ex to my DS and eventually (when he was a teenager) he realised for himself what a dick his dad is. That is really sad but he would have been a dick even if we were still together.

I love being free - never had a partner and honestly my independence and confidence has just grown massively. I can please myself what I do, where I go, how i decorate (that's a big one!) and I can have the whole bed to myself without his snoring.

So it can be tough, even if it's your decision, but it's honestly so much better than being in an unhappy relationship.

I got divorced almost 20 years ago.

There were some tough times but the positives -

I moved back to my home town, bought a house, passed my driving test, did an undergraduate degree, did postgraduate, established a career, volunteered, mentored, became debt free (aside from mortgage!). Travelled to 3 new continents (I’d never been out of Europe before), met the love of my life, got a dog (wasn’t allowed pets), tackled some mental health issues/had therapy.

Forgot to add, had children and remarried and reconnected with old friends!

I remember a kind of 'schools out' feeling ... like you had strict parents but they've gone away on holiday for good and you can relax finally

Yes! I can totally relate! I have sometimes had dreams (nightmares?) where we are still married, and the sense of relief when I wake up in my own home is immense!

This is such an uplifting and illuminating thread. It’s amazing to see all you women going on to have happy, fulfilling lives full of friendships, autonomy and creativity. It’s a shame there isn’t a bigger conversation in society as a whole as to why all these things are drained from women, so often, in relationships. Some of these men aren’t “bad men” just socialised to expect “caretaking” once in a relationship. Likewise women are socialised to quickly relinquish their ambitions and interests to make room for the men in their lives. It doesn’t make either party happy in the long run. It’s a shame society conditions and grooms young minds into accepting and expecting these unhealthy norms. It’s such a big conversation, and anyone who bleats on about women already having achieved equality, particularly if they’re male, should take a look at this thread.

Whilst I’m venting I’ll add- the constant here in all these stories is money. Women are trapped in relationships with the threat of poverty dangled over their heads like the sword of Damocles, same as they have since the year dot! Not a damn thing’s changed. It’s just more subtle and covert. Meanwhile girls are primed to believe they need Botox, ££££££s worth of beauty products etc or they’re just not good enough, whilst boys are encouraged to achieve in their future careers so they have the ££££££ and the cycle continues. And if they don’t catch you with that, the maternity & childcare situation will make damn sure you’re on your knees and suitably dependant.

Separated just over a year ago after 23 years together, not divorced yet on paper though.

I don't think I have had a single day of not being happy I made the decision to leave. In particular I love going to bed and waking up without a man there. I love that I don't have to cook meat for him (I am veggie), I love that I don't find his pubes in the shower tray when I go to have a shower, I love that I get to plan my own holidays, I love that I don't have to think of what to get him for his birthday/christmas/fathers day, I don't have to be in touch with in-laws... the list goes on.

It has honestly been so much easier than I could have ever imagined. I have so much more time and money too and I have realised after our marriage that he was very financially controlling.

Financially it wasn't an easy step but I just ripped the plaster off and started again. Life was so much easier without this black weight holding down my thoughts every morning. Then it just got better until it felt like I was me again, then more weeks and I actively enjoyed life again.

Getting things done was easier, decisions all easier. I had thought I'd be sad, that I'd dwell but I was busy and free.