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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who is Being Unreasonable?

38 replies

IAteAllTheTomatoes · 22/05/2023 20:46

Friends A, B, C are friends for years.

Friend A suggested going to a concert & loves the band, knows for year B & C don't.

Friends B says yes but only if we make a weekend of it - doesn't really like the band but want a long overdue catch up.

Friend C - really doesn't like the band but agrees to a catch up weekend.

Friend B has now cancelled & has an excuse which C considers reasonable but A is annoyed and thinks it's just a handy excuse not to go.

C really doesn't want to go if all 3 not going and suggests rescheduling.

A annoyed by this. A doesn't want to ask anyone else. A doesn't want the price of her ticket covered. A is just annoyed her friends won't want to go. B & C think A always gets her one way but A doesn't see it this way. There is a lot of bad feelings on all sides.

Any thoughts?

I tried to be unbiased but it's probably obvious who I am!

OP posts:
TimesRwo · 22/05/2023 20:52

I don’t think anyone is being unreasonable.

B&C only agreed to go as long as there are other plans. That got A’s hopes up.

B can no longer make it (although when it’s reasonable really depends on the reason), and C understandably is no longer excited about going. A is naturally disappointed.

How often do you all see this band / do things A wants but B&C don’t want? DH and I have very different interests in music but we still go to concerts together and manage to have a good time, even if it’s not our usual cup of tea. But if it was a very regular thing, I imagine we would both get fed up quite quickly.

minou123 · 22/05/2023 20:54

This is a tough one. I can see all sides.

I can understand why A is annoyed about it, but A can't be that surprised that B & C don't want to go, they've made it clear they don't like the band.

But then, B & C shouldn't have made plans. If they didn't like the band, they should have said no, and we'll make different plans for a catch up.

Can you share what B excuse ism

Original poster
IAteAllTheTomatoes · 22/05/2023 21:40

B is pregnant, just gone 3 months.
Will only be 4 by then, second child.

OP posts:
cocksstrideintheevening · 22/05/2023 21:41

Has anything been booked / payed for?

marshmallowmatcha · 22/05/2023 21:42

I think C is being a bit rubbish. Could go anyway and the 3 of you meet up again another time. It's like saying sorry A you're not enough on your own without B.

JandalsAlways · 22/05/2023 21:43

IAteAllTheTomatoes · 22/05/2023 21:40

B is pregnant, just gone 3 months.
Will only be 4 by then, second child.

I don't really understand why this would stop them from going?

Quartz2208 · 22/05/2023 21:43

It does sound like it is a handy excuse being 4 months pregnant doesn’t stop you doing to a concert

JandalsAlways · 22/05/2023 21:44

Will they be jumping out of planes, trampolining etc?

TeaKitten · 22/05/2023 21:44

C is the most unreasonable. A shouldn’t be surprised really considering nobody else likes the band. B&C are unreasonable for the ‘an always gets her way’ when they agreed to go and then ditched her knowing how dissapointing that would be. You are all a bit shit really.

marshmallowmatcha · 22/05/2023 21:44

To be honest though if this has all caused bad feelings perhaps it's for the best no one goes and A can go with someone else/ themselves if they want

marshmallowmatcha · 22/05/2023 21:45

Quartz2208 · 22/05/2023 21:43

It does sound like it is a handy excuse being 4 months pregnant doesn’t stop you doing to a concert

It can do. It depends on your pregnancy and symptoms.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 22/05/2023 21:45

I agree C is the most unreasonable here. She shouldn’t drop out just because B no longer going.

However I don’t really see why B can’t still go - unless it’s a mosh pit or something (seems unlikely).

MrsMikeDrop · 22/05/2023 21:46

I can see all sides, although I can see why A would be upset as they said they would go and now have both pulled out which is a bit shit. I think B & C need to cover A's cost. Likely that A will be annoyed for awhile as they clearly aren't very reliable.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 22/05/2023 21:46

I think it was probably a bad plan in the first place though if no one but A likes the band! But once the others committed it was unfair for C at least to drop out.

clpsmum · 22/05/2023 21:47

I think C is being unreasonable tbh. B has pulled out so even more reason for C to go. Shit to make plans then pull out. C knew she didn't like the band but agreed to it anyway so pretty rubbish to let A down just because B has

MuffinToSeeHere · 22/05/2023 21:48

No wonder A is feeling frustrated B could still attend at 4 months pregnant so it does seem like she's using it as an excuse and C had basically told her she's only worth spending time with if B is there.

H34th · 22/05/2023 21:48

Are you C?

I would've gone at 4m pregnant; and def gone if I were C, knowing it's important to A.

Blueskysunflower · 22/05/2023 21:49

A is unreasonable for ever asking two people who obviously don’t like the band to go with her in the first place. I wouldn’t even enjoy going in A’s position knowing B and C didn’t really want to be there. But being dumped by both friends is hurtful and them having said yes she is reasonable to be upset B and C baled out.

B might or might not be unreasonable, pregnancy is different for everyone. It’s not necessarily a good excuse, but it might be if she’s struggling. But given B wasn’t that fussed in the first place they should have said no at the time.

C should be able to foresee that pulling out because B won’t be there is hardly going to make A feel like a valued friend. At the same time it’s not the get together she signed up for.

Basically everyone involved has a reasonable point but everyone involved is also a bit unreasonable. There is no clear cut answer.

Overthebow · 22/05/2023 21:49

I’d be a bit upset of my friend cancelled a weekend away because they are 4 months pregnant, being pregnant doesn’t stop you doing things and 4 months isn’t that far along. Unless of course there’s big pregnancy complications or HG of course.

Kreftla · 22/05/2023 21:49

I don’t think A is unreasonable at all. They suggested it, nobody had to agree, but then B said yes (on their terms), then C agreed. B obviously has a serious issue with the pregnancy if they can’t go away for a night or two (so A is a bit unreasonable with this point), but C sounds like they don’t really like A or want to spend time with them. I’d be upset if I was A.

TeenLifeMum · 22/05/2023 21:51

B and C are annoying an flakey.

Kreftla · 22/05/2023 21:52

Blueskysunflower · 22/05/2023 21:49

A is unreasonable for ever asking two people who obviously don’t like the band to go with her in the first place. I wouldn’t even enjoy going in A’s position knowing B and C didn’t really want to be there. But being dumped by both friends is hurtful and them having said yes she is reasonable to be upset B and C baled out.

B might or might not be unreasonable, pregnancy is different for everyone. It’s not necessarily a good excuse, but it might be if she’s struggling. But given B wasn’t that fussed in the first place they should have said no at the time.

C should be able to foresee that pulling out because B won’t be there is hardly going to make A feel like a valued friend. At the same time it’s not the get together she signed up for.

Basically everyone involved has a reasonable point but everyone involved is also a bit unreasonable. There is no clear cut answer.

Why would A be unreasonable to ask? I’ve been to bands that I’m not overly keen on, but fancied a night out and a catch up. They could have just said no. I think it’s more unreasonable to say ‘yes I’ll go, but only if we do this and this’. It’s not a crime to ask someone on a night out - you don’t have to agree.

JandalsAlways · 22/05/2023 22:03

Kreftla · 22/05/2023 21:52

Why would A be unreasonable to ask? I’ve been to bands that I’m not overly keen on, but fancied a night out and a catch up. They could have just said no. I think it’s more unreasonable to say ‘yes I’ll go, but only if we do this and this’. It’s not a crime to ask someone on a night out - you don’t have to agree.

Show quote history

Totally agree

drpet49 · 22/05/2023 22:07

marshmallowmatcha · 22/05/2023 21:42

I think C is being a bit rubbish. Could go anyway and the 3 of you meet up again another time. It's like saying sorry A you're not enough on your own without B.

I completely agree. C is most unreasonable and a bit shit

Original poster
IAteAllTheTomatoes · 22/05/2023 22:14

Ah, it had started so well!!

B has no complications wth her pregnancy but in fairness, it is a standing concert. I don't know if she's being unreasonable but she has made her decision anyway.

Yes, I'm C. I said no originally but allowed myself to be talked around which is completely my own fault & I regret it.

I haven't cancelled yet but as much as I want to, I think it would be kind of lousy of me to do so. I know that A is unlikely to put herself out for me or B which I think is probably the bigger issue. She does have a lot of good points but is a little self centered & has cancelled herself in the past.

I guess the right thing to do is go because I said I would. Thanks for the help.

OP posts: