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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Comments re young family buying house

96 replies

Vintagejazzing · 22/05/2023 15:11

My friend, who is single and doesn't have children, has just sold her late elderly mother's house.. The buyers are a couple with 2 young children. She has been taken aback by the number of neighbours who have made comments like 'Oh it's great a young family are moving in'. 'Oh that will be good for the area'. 'Ah that's good. I was hoping it would be a couple with kids'.
There is a good mix of age groups in the area, including couples with small children. These comments have upset her a bit a) because it's as if they're saying her mother as an elderly widow wouldn't have been their choice of neighbour and b) because as she herself is single with no children she wouldn't have been someone they wanted to buy the house.

AIBU to think she has a point?

OP posts:
allthewoes · 22/05/2023 18:05

If it's any consolation, I'd be thinking "oh no, not a family with noisy annoying kids moving in!" Give me childless neighbour any day.

CaptainMyCaptain · 22/05/2023 18:08

LaLaLouella · 22/05/2023 15:16

Oh it's just general conversation, not to be taken personally.

People like children in the neighbourhood- it keeps the schools and parks open and gives the impression of an ongoing community!

This. Keeping the local school open is an .issue in some areas

Paradise404 · 22/05/2023 18:14

I get that she's feeling raw and sensitive - but they probably just mean 'not a landlord'.
Also 'family areas' are more desirable because people will pay through the nose for a good school. So having young families move in, objectively makes the area better.

Original poster
Vintagejazzing · 22/05/2023 18:14

FatAgainItsLettuceTime · 22/05/2023 17:46

A positive about someone else isn't a negative about her.

So the opinion that having a young family will be nice doesn't directly equate to a feeling that an old single person would be horrible.

Just like if someone else had long blonde hair and she has short black hair, it wouldn't mean they hate her hair if they like the blonde's.

Some people seem to be capable of taking offence to any and every comment. Is she like that in general?

No she absolutely isn't. Which is why I realise these comments were a bit upsetting for her. She wasn't making a big deal about it, just remarked on it to me with a bit of a shrugged shoulder and sounded a bit dejected.

OP posts:
WomanStanleyWoman2 · 22/05/2023 18:17

a family with lots of older teens who might be a bit noisy with drum kits and loads of teenage mates hanging out on the street.

I’m afraid young children have a nasty habit of growing into teenagers. I say this as someone who has seen next door’s cute little twins grow up into feral teens who spend most of their time trying to kill each other, judging by the yelling and loud thuds against the wall.

Minimalme · 22/05/2023 18:27

Your friend is probably feeling that it was a family home, and more importantly her family's home.

She may well be feeling as though her family has been negated by people's comments, even though they won't be saying that at all.

Try and help your friend unpick why the comments have hurt her. She could also be feeling sensitive that she doesn't have kids and if she decided to move into the house, the neighbours might have rejected her because she doesn't have kids.

She just needs some extra love and care atm.

Dacadactyl · 22/05/2023 18:30

Glad I don't know your friend! She sounds totally dramatic and OTT 🙄

BonjourPetitPois · 22/05/2023 18:43

redavocado · 22/05/2023 15:19

We had comments like this when we bought our house and it was primarily that neighbours didn't want another BTL or HMO. It has nothing to do with our age or the fact we had kids.

This. When we bought our house we had the same comments, and think the neighbours were just pleased it was no longer going to be a BTL, which up to then had been sublet by the tenant as an AirB&B 😬

Schroedingersimmigrant · 22/05/2023 18:47

It's great young family will make the happy home of one family their happy home so the happiness continues.
That's often what people mean to say.
Plus the BTL stuff above

Pencilsaremylife · 22/05/2023 19:15

We sold my MIL’s house recently it was bought by a family with 2 young teens. My husband was delighted. It was his family home growing up and his mum had stayed in it rattling around. We didn’t want to live in it ourselves so another family was the best perfect purchaser. It’s a big house in a rural location no near neighbours, 2 new kids for the local school.
My own mum still lives in our old family home, I hope a family buys it when the time comes to sell it and have happy times there.

Original poster
Vintagejazzing · 22/05/2023 21:02

Dacadactyl · 22/05/2023 18:30

Glad I don't know your friend! She sounds totally dramatic and OTT 🙄

Glad I don't know you. You sound totally lacking in imagination, empathy or compassion.

OP posts:
Original poster
Vintagejazzing · 22/05/2023 21:04

Pencilsaremylife · 22/05/2023 19:15

We sold my MIL’s house recently it was bought by a family with 2 young teens. My husband was delighted. It was his family home growing up and his mum had stayed in it rattling around. We didn’t want to live in it ourselves so another family was the best perfect purchaser. It’s a big house in a rural location no near neighbours, 2 new kids for the local school.
My own mum still lives in our old family home, I hope a family buys it when the time comes to sell it and have happy times there.

I think that's what niggling at my friend though. Why wouldn't you be glad that a retired couple, single person, childless couple bought it and had happy times there?

OP posts:
ladykale · 22/05/2023 21:06

Dartmoorcheffy · 22/05/2023 15:19

Well at least she isn't being given a hard time for selling to an Indian family like I was when I sold my mums house after she died. The neighbours (all white British Middle class) showed their true colours then.

Which area?

heyitsthistle · 22/05/2023 21:08

It's nice that a young family can afford to buy a home, too.

Wonderingifitstimetogo · 22/05/2023 21:12

Dacadactyl · 22/05/2023 18:30

Glad I don't know your friend! She sounds totally dramatic and OTT 🙄

The friends mum has died and she's going through the and task of selling her home and choosing which possessions to keep and which to throw away. Have you not got enough empathy to see this is probably misdirected grief from someone whose going through a tough time?

TheYearOfSmallThings · 22/05/2023 21:18

I think that's what niggling at my friend though. Why wouldn't you be glad that a retired couple, single person, childless couple bought it and had happy times there?

Because the traditional family unit is given an elevated social status, and people probably don't question that as much as they should. Other households are seen as "lesser", regardless of the reality.

Pencilsaremylife · 22/05/2023 21:28

@Vintagejazzing i would be especially happy if a family bought it as when I lived there with my siblings there were us 3 girls, next door one side there were another 3 girls and on the other side of us 2 girls and we had great times. All nice family sized homes with fabulous big gardens, the size you rarely get now. As all of us girls were similar age it ended up just couples in them. Now next door to my mum is a couple with a son and on the other side a couple with a new baby I know that my mum also thinks it would be nice if a family moved into her house next. I know anyone could be happy there though, my grandchildren love the garden when visiting great-grandma and it would be nice to have kids running around all the time ( my mum has someone in to do her garden and says it’s a bit of a waste just for her)

2bazookas · 22/05/2023 21:30

They just mean. they're glad it's been bought by owner occupiers of a stable kind likely to stay for years, unlikely to have wild all night parties.

Relieved it's not a buy to let (new tenants every year) or worse, Air BNB.

WomanStanleyWoman2 · 22/05/2023 21:37

The attitude to the idea of renters in a street in this thread is far more offensive than anything OP’s mother’s neighbours said!

JudgeRudy · 22/05/2023 21:42

Vintagejazzing · 22/05/2023 15:11

My friend, who is single and doesn't have children, has just sold her late elderly mother's house.. The buyers are a couple with 2 young children. She has been taken aback by the number of neighbours who have made comments like 'Oh it's great a young family are moving in'. 'Oh that will be good for the area'. 'Ah that's good. I was hoping it would be a couple with kids'.
There is a good mix of age groups in the area, including couples with small children. These comments have upset her a bit a) because it's as if they're saying her mother as an elderly widow wouldn't have been their choice of neighbour and b) because as she herself is single with no children she wouldn't have been someone they wanted to buy the house.

AIBU to think she has a point?

I think the neighbours would have likely said something pleasant about almost any household....so a lovely young couple, a respectable middle-aged couple, a professional man etc.
Or maybe they are pleased to have 'a bit of life' in the street. Is it do bad to express a preference? I think it's odd that your friend is so bothered by these comments.

Original poster
Vintagejazzing · 22/05/2023 21:43

Pencilsaremylife · 22/05/2023 21:28

@Vintagejazzing i would be especially happy if a family bought it as when I lived there with my siblings there were us 3 girls, next door one side there were another 3 girls and on the other side of us 2 girls and we had great times. All nice family sized homes with fabulous big gardens, the size you rarely get now. As all of us girls were similar age it ended up just couples in them. Now next door to my mum is a couple with a son and on the other side a couple with a new baby I know that my mum also thinks it would be nice if a family moved into her house next. I know anyone could be happy there though, my grandchildren love the garden when visiting great-grandma and it would be nice to have kids running around all the time ( my mum has someone in to do her garden and says it’s a bit of a waste just for her)

I grew up in a house with a lovely unmarried woman next door who taught us to love books, had a vast library of children's books and gave us a wonderful gift of reading that has stood to us for the rest of our lives.
Across the road were a retired couple who used to organise a sports day in their garden every Summer for the kids on the road complete with cups and medals. The wife also made amazing birthday and Christmas cakes for us.
Wonderful memories. Everyone can contribute to a happy community and to great memories for those who grew up on a road.

OP posts:
Miscellaneousme · 22/05/2023 21:53

They probably just mean “thank god it’s not another air bnb”

GneissGuysFinishLast · 22/05/2023 22:06

FirstnameSuesecondnamePerb · 22/05/2023 17:59

It's just chit chat. Tbf we sold pil family home to a young family, we felt it was nice for it to be a family home again.

Yes, similar happened when we bought our current house. Elderly man going into a care home; home was being sold by their (older adult) children. Children specifically wanted a family to move in because it was the home they were brought up in (although they had been living away from that home for 40+ years) and they wanted more children to be brought up in the home too.
Again, very mixed street - one side of us is an elderly single lady, other side is a family with teenagers, pretty much every house is either elderly adults (original residents, been there for their whole adult life) or families (second owners, bought homes off of original owners)

If either of the houses near us come up for sale I’d be delighted if another family
move in; simply because I’m also a young family.

GneissGuysFinishLast · 22/05/2023 22:11

WomanStanleyWoman2 · 22/05/2023 21:37

The attitude to the idea of renters in a street in this thread is far more offensive than anything OP’s mother’s neighbours said!

I don’t think the issue is with renters, I think the issue is with the landlords who own the properties that the renters live in.

I don’t care if renters move in but I’d be a bit concerned as to if a landlord bought a property next to mine as there could be less stability with tenants, they could use it as a HMO, etc. - however, once long term tenants moved in, I wouldn’t care.

Blossomtoes · 22/05/2023 22:13

I was delighted when a young family bought my parents’ house. They would have been too.