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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Comments re young family buying house

96 replies

Vintagejazzing · 22/05/2023 15:11

My friend, who is single and doesn't have children, has just sold her late elderly mother's house.. The buyers are a couple with 2 young children. She has been taken aback by the number of neighbours who have made comments like 'Oh it's great a young family are moving in'. 'Oh that will be good for the area'. 'Ah that's good. I was hoping it would be a couple with kids'.
There is a good mix of age groups in the area, including couples with small children. These comments have upset her a bit a) because it's as if they're saying her mother as an elderly widow wouldn't have been their choice of neighbour and b) because as she herself is single with no children she wouldn't have been someone they wanted to buy the house.

AIBU to think she has a point?

OP posts:
MammaTo · 22/05/2023 15:50

Massively over reaching.

The neighbours probably mean it’s a family home that’s staying a family home for people to live in - not some underlying meaning.

wildfirewonder · 22/05/2023 15:55

They're just glad it's a family not a BTL landlord /Airbnb/2nd homeowner - they'd have been happy with a retiree or similar I'm sure.

wildfirewonder · 22/05/2023 15:57

But also 'family' = still a popular area.

mixedrecycling · 22/05/2023 16:03

I would be pleased about a young family because the sound of children during the day wouldn't annoy me, but loud music late into the evenings would. And a young family would be unlikely to be having late nights!

Mariposista · 22/05/2023 16:05

FWIW I would much rather have a sweet old lady or a quiet professional woman living next to me rather than a bunch of screaming children.

penniesmakeshillingsandshillingsmakepounds · 22/05/2023 16:08

Absolutely ridiculous to take offence at that. Give me strength.

Catspyjamas17 · 22/05/2023 16:16

I would probably say the same, as it's getting increasingly rare that a young family can afford a family home these days.

WomanStanleyWoman2 · 22/05/2023 16:17

Maybe whoever gives you strength could also give you some compassion? The OP’s friend has lost her mother, and has had to go through selling a house that probably held a lot of memories. Yes, she probably read more into light conversation than was meant, but if you don’t get a little bit of leeway to be a tad over-sensitive when you’re having to sell your dead mother’s home, when do you get a break?

penniesmakeshillingsandshillingsmakepounds · 22/05/2023 16:44

WomanStanleyWoman2 · 22/05/2023 16:17

Maybe whoever gives you strength could also give you some compassion? The OP’s friend has lost her mother, and has had to go through selling a house that probably held a lot of memories. Yes, she probably read more into light conversation than was meant, but if you don’t get a little bit of leeway to be a tad over-sensitive when you’re having to sell your dead mother’s home, when do you get a break?

Selling a house that holds a lot of memories has absolutely nothing to do with people saying..ahh great a young family is coming. That is no reflection on her Mother. Nor is it a refection on her as a single, childless woman. It means...Ohhh great, maybe my kids will have someone new to play with. Ohh great, young parents like me that I can relate to. Ohh fantastic, I wonder will we become friendly and carpool to school. Ohhhh great to see the wheel of life turn again, that lady who died next door brought up all her kids in this house and now the cycle is starting again. Ohhh great a young family will understand the noise of my lot during the day. I hope the new family will be very happy and make lots of new friends. The circle of life is forever turning.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 22/05/2023 16:51

Well I know what she means. There's a wholesome image of the "right Smile" kind of household - mother, father, two children (not too many or too few), as opposed to the "wrong Sad" kind of household (an old person, a gay couple with no children, a single mother with 3 autistic children, a woman with 5 dogs, a foreign couple who never leave the house).

None of us would like to know that our new neighbours are mildly disappointed in us before they've even met us.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 22/05/2023 16:54

It's like when they start every budget by saying "This is a budget for families." I always think "what, so fuck everyone else then?"

sixthvestibule · 22/05/2023 16:59

I understand it is a stock response, but I would find it shitty too. Like when I started my last job and my colleagues asked whether I had a family and said “That’s a shame” when I said I don’t. It doesn’t feel like just small talk, it’s thoughtless.

Goldbar · 22/05/2023 17:10

There are some reasons why I'd prefer a family with young children over single professionals (potential playmates for my children, less likely to complain about reasonable play noise in the garden, likely to decorate for Halloween etc.). That said, the nicest couple on our street are a retired childfree couple who love any excuse for a party, decorate for every occasion and always seem to have a "little something" for our DC. So it would depend really. I'd prefer someone who actively wants to be part of the community over someone who just uses the place as a dormitory, but really I wouldn't care unless they were engaging in antisocial behaviour.

Dilemma19 · 22/05/2023 17:15

penniesmakeshillingsandshillingsmakepounds · 22/05/2023 16:08

Absolutely ridiculous to take offence at that. Give me strength.

I have to agree. Why must every single thing now be an issue.

WonderingWanda · 22/05/2023 17:17

I can see why she is feeling a bit sensitive. However when people say this I think they mean that a young family will fit in with the existing community. Hopefully, they won't be antisocial with noise because they will have young kids going to bed early, they will stay for a long time and be stable neighnours. Far better than a young single male for example who might be having parties all night or revving a sports car, or a group of renters who might have loads of vehicles and visitors taking up spaces, or a family with lots of older teens who might be a bit noisy with drum kits and loads of teenage mates hanging out on the street. Huge generalisations I know but what I mean is the last thing that people are saying is that the young family are better for the area than the elderly people who live there.

Teapot13 · 22/05/2023 17:19

I don’t know. When we (white, heterosexual couple with blue-eyed children) moved into an area, a new neighbor said, “it’s so nice to see a family move in.” Later I realized — there were several Asian families in the street. The neighbor meant a white family.

FrownedUpon · 22/05/2023 17:19

Secondwindplease · 22/05/2023 15:29

I’d take an older person over a young family any day. But then again I’d probably take a crack den over screaming toddlers.

Same. I hate living next door to screaming kids in the garden. Give me an elderly couple any day.

NotQuiteUsual · 22/05/2023 17:27

They just mean that it's nice that the house will be full of life, after the grief of her mothers passing.

I think people also will assume that it will be the same house your friend grew up in, so it's nice another family will do the same.

Minimalme · 22/05/2023 17:34

What it means is the house is in an area where no one on MN lives. It is well-known that 97% of MN actively dislike every child other than their own.

Original poster
Vintagejazzing · 22/05/2023 17:35

Dilemma19 · 22/05/2023 17:15

I have to agree. Why must every single thing now be an issue.

Show quote history

It's not an' issue'. She's just feeling sad, tired and stressed at the moment and these comments are making her feel a bit down. I've probably said them to people in the past just as a knee jerk response but I'll think a bit more carefully in the future.

OP posts:
Krabappel · 22/05/2023 17:40

People with children will prefer families with children to live nearby.

Older people might like children so it's not all monotonous and the same demographic.

Maybe they don't care and are just making talk.

Seriously, how did she manage to take this personally? It doesn't mean people hate singles it's just more exciting to have a family with children move in

FatAgainItsLettuceTime · 22/05/2023 17:46

A positive about someone else isn't a negative about her.

So the opinion that having a young family will be nice doesn't directly equate to a feeling that an old single person would be horrible.

Just like if someone else had long blonde hair and she has short black hair, it wouldn't mean they hate her hair if they like the blonde's.

Some people seem to be capable of taking offence to any and every comment. Is she like that in general?

quietnightmare · 22/05/2023 17:47

It's just what people say. Secretly they are probably thinking they hope it's not a family with kids because it comes with the risk that they will have their kids screaming in the garden, kicking balls over fences, drawing penis's on the floor in chalk in the street (lol) etc and then could turn into asbo teens 🤣

Firstmonthfree · 22/05/2023 17:50

It’s just a passing remark, they have to say something and they probably don’t want her to feel bad by saying it was a shame because her mother was so quiet and therefore the perfect neighbour

FirstnameSuesecondnamePerb · 22/05/2023 17:59

It's just chit chat. Tbf we sold pil family home to a young family, we felt it was nice for it to be a family home again.