how can I convince him I’m not lying

[moonmoon123]

please don’t say ‘you sound young’ or ‘immature’ I am only 20 and just asking for some opinions and advice.
my partner believes I look at other men/am interested in them etc. I hand on heart have zero interest to look at or think about anyone other then him and our daughter- I am so invested in my family and so in love- I want to spend the rest of my life with him. It’s starting to get to me the way he doesn’t believe me, no matter how much I reassure him he still won’t trust me. he thinks I want to look good for other men but I just want to look good for myself and him, self care is important to me. I don’t need validation from other men and he is more than enough for me. how can I prove how much I love him and only want him?
I haven’t had the best start in life and just want to be settle and content, have good jobs, have a nice home, holidays etc. This is all too much for me now, I feel too old for this shit

@moonmoon123 Please listen to all of the experienced woman in this thread who are warning you that this manchild does NOT really love you and his abusive nature will never get better.

There are so many red flags!

You will bend over backwards to prove your love and keep your family ticking along but NOTHING you do will ever be enough for him because he doesn't actually love you. He enjoys controlling you and manipulating you. It fills a need lacking inside of him. He looks down on you because he thinks you are weak and easy to push around.

He will control what you wear, who you talk to, your interactions with family and friends and then he will work on grinding down your confidence with name calling and emotional abuse that you'll get addicted to. You'll want to earn his approval and hate yourself for dancing to his tune. He will likely keep you pregnant and stuck in the house running after him. You'll be nothing and no one. You'll just be his little house slave and then he'll turn his eye to other woman and tell you it's your fault. You don't give him enough attention while you are working full time and running the house and kids with zero help from him.

One day, you'll be back here 10 years later a shadow of your old self and begging for advice on how to finally leave. Its an old story we all know well.

Please don't get sucked in. This isn't a healthy, loving relationship and if you have children with this wankstain it will only get worse AND you'll be teaching your kids that this unhealthy, abusive relationship is an example for them.

Let him go. Find yourself a man not a little boy. You'll bloom within a real relationship where you are treated as an equal and a true partner.

Oh you poor thing.

Echoing what everyone else has said.

This is not love, this is control. I know you don't want to hear this and I'm sure you're finding reasons in your head as to why we're all wrong and he's really a good guy, and how he is so loving to you it's just occasionally he does this.
There is no justification for this. People in a loving relationship don't behave like this. The affection and love is probably lovebombing it's designed to make you think he loves you so you don't consider leaving, but it's just another from of control.

There is no scenario where this ever gets better, you have 2 options stay or leave. I understand you wanted a perfect life for your child but please think about the example your setting for them in this relationship, I think you said it was a daughter you had, you'll be teaching her that this is an acceptable way for her future partner to behave, and as I hope your recognizing from all these replies, this is not normal at all.
What advice would you give to your daughter if she was in this situation? Would you be telling her to find ways to change or would you recognize this is his issue?

He is most likely cheating and looking around but projecting it onto you to take the limelight off him.

Its standard behavior for cheats to always accuse the innocent one.

^This. this is what happened to me - even down to the 10 years.

Eventually got rid of him and am now in a relationship - engaged actually - to a truly wonderful man who thinks I'm the most amazing woman he's ever met (he might be right there 😉😂, living in a fuck off house and got everything and more that I could ever need.

Don't waste any more time with this loser @moonmoon123 you will kick yourself for every wasted hour of your life that you won't ever get back once you are out of this mess.

You need to leave him.

One of the driving forces for me to leave my ex was that I knew that I would never travel anywhere with him, I'd never have a holiday, that he would always trash whatever idea i had, ruin whatever fun I was having, break any friendship

Leave this man @moonmoon123 to go on holiday, to feel the sun on your face, to laugh and giggle with friends and to feel loved utterly and completely.

Do the freedom programme https://www.freedomprogramme.co.uk/

What everyone else has said.

Tell us more about him. What does he do to show you he loves and cherishes you?

It would help you to take the Freedom Programme, OP.

Your are 20 OP. You might think you are in love and he is the only man on the planet, but believe me he is not. You will meet far more men who are far more worthy of your affection and won't keep questioning you. Get rid.

Sorry op but it's a form of coercive control he is using against you.
Either he trusts you or he doesn't.

I was in your shoes OP, I married him, thinking that would convince him how committed I was.

It didn't. I managed to stick it out for another 6 months before I realised that his insecurities and abuse (because that's what it is, constantly accusing you) were out of my control. There was nothing I could do so I left.

That is what you should do. Leave him. There is nothing and I say this kindly, nothing at all that you can do to change his behaviour.

Everything you have written rings warning alarm bells.

This is NOT a healthy relationship you are in.

My ex was like this. He would think every man that talked to me fancied me. He always used the line "I trust you, I just don't trust them". Eventually I went out less, then stopped going out just so he wouldn't be jealous or think I was dressing up for the benefit of other men.

Walking away from that relationship was the best decision I ever made.

It is irrelevant how you feel about him. He does not trust you and does not respect you.

Personally I would walk away and tell him he needs to sort out his ridiculous jealousy issues before you can have a relationship.

My first boyfriend was like this .At first it was flattering . Then it became suffocating and controlling. Trust me it did not end well . 🚩 🚩

I think you just need to be clear and say he will push you away if he can't trust you.

It's no life to live if you become scared to even glance at a male or worry if your outfit or makeup is going to upset him.

It will drain you eventually. I know this because I was even accused of having sex in the office because my elbows were red. Ditched him after 8 years of it.

I hope you can read the messages here, and have a think about why the first thing other women point out is that he is really messing with your mind.

The really most important point for you to get is that he really would not stay around if he genuinely thought you were interested in other men. It just suits him to keep you anxious and on the back foot, thinking you need to appease him. You do not need to appears him or any other person.

Ask yourself why you are letting him do this to you, instead of setting your standards of how you want to be treated a lot higher than this? Would you ever do that to someone? To a friend, a sibling, daughter or anyone you loved. Or even anyone at all?

Expect someone to respect you and treat you as you as the decent human being that you are, in the way you would treat anyone, especially anyone you loved.

Why do you love him OP? What does he have that other (decent) men don’t?

This!
It's a huge red flag. However much you are in love with him please know that it will only get worse as he is trying to control you by making you think about how to please him all the time. Live your life for you, not for him and do things that please you. Your partner should be happy for you and trust you, not be deliberately making you unhappy like this.

It doesn't matter how many hoops you jump through or how high you jump he is always going to want you to go one step further. You will never be able to prove what he wants you to prove because he doesn't want to believe you. I know this isn't what you want to hear but you can't prove it to him because it will never be proof enough. Leave him, there are better relationships out there that will make you happy, you deserve that

The problem is your partner is an immature controlling bastard.

Nothing else.

I got dressed up to the nines for my Xmas party - DH probably hasn’t seen me like that for months.

’you look fab - have a great night’ is all he said and left me out paracetamol and a pint of water.

This is just a question for you to think about OP, what would happen if you just stopped? Stopped reassuring him, stopped trying to 'prove' you're trustworthy and just said 'stop accusing me of things I haven't done, I'm not listening to it' and walked away?

You don't need to answer here but how does the idea of that make you feel? Do you feel fear when you think about his potential reaction? Whether that's fear of something explosive or 'just' the sinking feeling in your gut because you know there will be an atmosphere, if you're afraid of his reaction that tells you there's something badly wrong here.

And if that's the case the advice to do the Freedom Programme is the best advice you will get because it will confirm whether there is abuse in your relationship or not. Don't be blinded by love, approach this with your head rather than your heart and have a proper, critical look at his behaviour, because recognising abuse is the first step to being free of it

It’s not your job to heal what is clearly his own wound. He should seek some therapy.

I've had a few friends in this situation (both male and female) and it ALWAYS ends badly.

These people are typically insecure and manipulative. There is absolutely nothing you can do -they need to address their issues (which mostly they don't admit to).

You can't fix an issue you don't have!

Do you REALLY want to be with someone who thinks you are a liar?

What everyone else has wisely said.

And also, his constant manipulation, accusations, control and foul temper (which will all increase) will kill your libido stone dead.

Which he will of course use against you and offer it as evidence that you are now, in fact, sleeping with other men because ‘you ain’t interested in me’. So you’ll sleep with him to keep him happy and all of that my lovely is abuse.

#beenthere

I lived with a man who used to come home early from work to try and ‘catch’ me 🙄 you’ll get tired of it soon. It starts with ‘but I love him’ and then after a while you’ll have enough and it will become boring and repetitive