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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DP keeps telling me I'm wrong. Am I in the wrong?

44 replies

atitagain1000 · 21/05/2023 09:11

Not sure why I'm posting really or what I'm looking for. I sometimes can't work out if I have done something wrong in these situations.

Baby was up all night last night. I was up with DC for hours. I have had 2 hours sleep.
This morning DP slept in, but at 8.15 I went in the bedroom and asked if I could have a sleep for an hour and for DP to go downstairs and look after DC.

DP is really annoyed saying that because I had a lie in yesterday, it's now DP's turn to have one and I've taken this away.

DP does have a lie in most mornings but I think completely forgets this.
The difference with this morning is just because I've been up all night whereas the night before, DC was only awake 20-30 mins in the night.
We've ended up arguing and I feel like shit really.

OP posts:
NannyOggsWhiskyStash · 21/05/2023 09:13

He's taking the piss, you need to have a chat with him.

Soggydog · 21/05/2023 09:13

You are wrong, but only in that you should have woken him earlier than that to take over and get some sleep. Incredibly selfish of him. Whoever does the nightshift gets the lie in and the one who has had a more decent amount of sleep takes over.

Ragwort · 21/05/2023 09:14

No you are not in the wrong, your DP sounds useless. But I suppose in hindsight it might have been better to have waited for your DP to get up and then made it clear you were going back to bed for a proper rest and DP could have the DC all day.

ChaToilLeam · 21/05/2023 09:14

He’s a selfish git.

TrueScrumptious · 21/05/2023 09:15

8:15 is a lie-in. He is completely in the wrong.

Crispymandm · 21/05/2023 09:15

In my eyes 8:15 is a lie in, and he is completely in the wrong. No wonder you feel like shit, hope you get some rest, sleep deprivation is awful.

VioletPickles · 21/05/2023 09:16

who Did the nightshift yesterday and what time did he /she get up?

Original poster
atitagain1000 · 21/05/2023 09:40

VioletPickles · 21/05/2023 09:16

who Did the nightshift yesterday and what time did he /she get up?

DP did the night shift the day before. Baby was awake for around 20-30 mins. And I had the lie in until 9.
I never usually have a lie in as I get up in the morning with DC at 6am.
But it's just with the baby being up all night last night. I felt sick this morning because I was so tired. And we are going to an event today so we're out which is why I wanted a sleep for an hour.
I haven't been able to sleep because we argued so it's all been a waste really.

OP posts:
takealettermsjones · 21/05/2023 09:42

I don't think 'turns' really work when baby is young enough that sleep is so variable. There has to be some flexibility. He's being an arse imo; you only asked for an hour.

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 21/05/2023 09:46

Hes in the wrong. You have to flex and adapt when you have a baby. Taking turns is dair if everything else is equal...but it cant be fair if one of you has had say 16 hours sleep over the weekend and the other has had 8

Cakeorchocolate · 21/05/2023 09:46

DP is BU. And a selfish idiot.

EasterBreak · 21/05/2023 09:53

No OP you should be fine on 2 hours sleep and should not expect support from a partner. You should just be able to cope. (Sarcasm!) Of course YANBU.

nutbrownhare15 · 21/05/2023 10:14

Who gets the lie on should be who had the least sleep aka you. He sounds super selfish and needs a reality check.

nutbrownhare15 · 21/05/2023 10:15

Oh and adult sleep cycles are around 1.5 hours so your lie ins need to be at least that long

NoSquirrels · 21/05/2023 10:23

DP does have a lie in most mornings but I think completely forgets this.

So you’re always up at 6am, when the baby wakes, and he gets up when? Who usually does night wakings during the week and at weekends?

NoSquirrels · 21/05/2023 10:27

DP is really annoyed saying that because I had a lie in yesterday, it's now DP's turn to have one and I've taken this away.

A lot depends on what ‘really annoyed’ looks and sounds like, because this could be one of those general annoyances of life with a baby that we all feel pissed off about, especially if we were expecting a lie in but then everyone is over it half an hour later, or it could be he’s a selfish git and needs a reality check and things being more hands on from him generally.

THisbackwithavengeance · 21/05/2023 10:48

What the fuck is the obsession with lying in?

He's a lazy inconsiderate selfish cunt. 8.15 is a lie in as others have pointed out.

You can't function on 2 hours sleep. He needs to get up and take the baby and you get your head down.

However if he refuses, can your mum or another relative take the baby for the afternoon?

UnshakenNeedsStirring · 21/05/2023 11:12

Hope you dont plan on having any more children with this POS

Original poster
atitagain1000 · 21/05/2023 11:15

NoSquirrels · 21/05/2023 10:27

DP is really annoyed saying that because I had a lie in yesterday, it's now DP's turn to have one and I've taken this away.

A lot depends on what ‘really annoyed’ looks and sounds like, because this could be one of those general annoyances of life with a baby that we all feel pissed off about, especially if we were expecting a lie in but then everyone is over it half an hour later, or it could be he’s a selfish git and needs a reality check and things being more hands on from him generally.

Really annoyed looks like telling me I'm wrong, stomping around the house saying 'all I wanted was a lie in and I don't even get that! I don't even get that, just one lie in where I'm not interrupted! Do you not see you're in the wrong?'

DP sleeps in most mornings until 9am. We take turns doing the night feeds.

OP posts:
OhComeOnFFS · 21/05/2023 11:16

He sleeps until 9 am most mornings?! Does he work from home?

bussteward · 21/05/2023 11:19

takealettermsjones · 21/05/2023 09:42

I don't think 'turns' really work when baby is young enough that sleep is so variable. There has to be some flexibility. He's being an arse imo; you only asked for an hour.

Yep. Whoever hasn’t had any sleep needs to get some sleep. Lie-ins work when they’re sleeping better but you’re knackered from parenting.

AtrociousCircumstance · 21/05/2023 11:20

So depressing. Another woman with a selfish manchild jerk bag partner.

Sorry Op. Just spell it out like he’s an idiot (which he is): ‘you get a lie in most days. This is supposed to be an equal partnership. And you are a selfish malicious prick’

OnlyFannys · 21/05/2023 11:28

He wants a nice lie in at the expense of you being utterly exhausted? Lovely

Sarahtm35 · 21/05/2023 11:45

What does he do for work? Do you have work on Monday? If he has a really intense important job that’s always full on and mentally draining and you’re not working, then maybe I’d sympathise a teeny tiny bit as it’s probably his only day off.
but for any other reason, then yes he’s being unfair and selfish.
my husband never did the ‘night shift’ but He had a really intense working life that Only allowed him 1 day off a week and I wasn’t going to jeopardise his ability to work hard by expecting him to be up several times a night on his only day of rest. He did however help with the babies during the day and let me nap etc.

bussteward · 21/05/2023 11:49

He sleeps till NINE when you’re up at SIX and he’s whinging about an 8.15 wake-up and stomping his feet like a toddler? Tell me, what are his good points?

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