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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Asking date (affair) for second chance?

28 replies

Iknowitsbad · 21/05/2023 00:50

Ive decided I think I want to have an affair. I know I’m gonna get slaughtered for this. But it’s what I am genuinely considering. There’s no way out of my marriage and kids. I don’t want to go into it either. But just know this is my only bit of escape from it all, and that’s why I want the affair.

so I met this amazing guy, he is absolutely stunning, successful, very rich, nice car, my dream man in terms of looks and life. But he’s so kind and just like a real old school gentleman too, just gives me really good and genuine vibes. It’s actually almost sad how great he is , I can’t help but look at my husband who tells me I’m worthless and picks fights with me daily and wonder where I went so wrong :( i just am filled with regret.

I still can’t believe how it happened, but we swapped numbers and over about 5 days we texted. He lives 35 mins away from me but Is in the area for work sometimes. He came to see me and we went on a date, just a walk and an ice cream with my dog, but it was really sweet and romantic. We got on really well and he kissed me during and at the end of our date.. we planned to see eachother on the Sunday, two days later ..

but then , I don’t hear from him. And I am so confused and sad , which I know is crazy. I’ve been with my hubby ten years and I’m in love with this man I’ve met once and known for a week 🥲

but anyways I text him and asked what was up and why the ghost. He replied saying that he doesn’t think I’m ready. I’m too shut down and he doesn’t think it can work.

AIBU to ask him to give me another chance ? I was quite nervous on our date at the beginning and I am holding back a little because, it is an affair and he doesn’t know that. I know what I am doing is selfish , but for the first time in my life, I wanna do something for me. So should I take this chance with affair guy? Or shall I go back to the misery that is my daily life and forget it all?

OP posts:
saltandpepper86 · 21/05/2023 00:53

You need to leave your husband. No such thing as you can't. This lovely guy doesn't deserve to unwittingly date a married woman either.

RonObvious · 21/05/2023 00:55

He’s not such a lovely guy if he was ghosting you. I’d give him a wide berth.

Aquamarine1029 · 21/05/2023 00:56

Get ahold of yourself, stop seeing or communicating with this man, and end your marriage. There is no reason why you can't get divorced and start over properly. From the sound of it, your children will much better of, as well.

Tellmeimcrazy · 21/05/2023 00:57

He is playing you.

Inkypot · 21/05/2023 00:57

Ah Saturday nights on MN...
obviously leave the marriage and don't drag the other person into a situation they've asked for no part in. Simples.

JupiterFortified · 21/05/2023 01:06

“There’s no way out of my marriage”.

There is a way out. You’re just choosing not to leave.

Don’t waste your one life being unhappy. Get a divorce.

SargentSagittarius · 21/05/2023 01:06

But he’s so kind and just like a real old school gentleman too, just gives me really good and genuine vibes.

I’ll play along for the deletion message and assume this is real….

Shame he can’t say the same ^^ about you…

Wat2do222 · 21/05/2023 01:06

I have a friend that was in a similar situation. It never ends well, she ended up being caught out and had to explain to her kids what had happened, that conversation haunts her to this day years later.

Your husband and life may be miserable but your kids have not had the choice to be in the middle of this situation.

Unless I am missing something - is your husband is violent or unstable? What are the reasons that pursuing an affair and not ending your marriage is preferable?

Mars27 · 21/05/2023 01:15

"There’s no way out of my marriage and kids."

I understand wanting out of your marriage but out of your kids too? Charming.

Children are not toys that you suddenly decide that you don't want want them anymore. Absolutely selfish 🤮

LadyJ2023 · 21/05/2023 01:19

Wow what a nasty lady you are. Regardless of what husband you have to do the dirty like that. You've already cheated by kissing and meeting the guy. And poor poor kids if this ever comes out how you've wrecked the marriage get the guts to leave it first!!!

AllIeveknewonlyou · 21/05/2023 01:21

He doesn't know that you're married?

This isn't fair on anyone, you need to work out your current situation. I can completely understand getting caught up in the fantasy but if your husband is shouting at you that's no way to live, nor is an affair.

SargentSagittarius · 21/05/2023 01:22

Stop taking it so seriously people, FGS.

ohnonowwhat · 21/05/2023 01:38

Does he know you're married? If so, he's not a nice guy he's a pig. Doesn't matter anyway, he's clearly not into you - that's a 'let you down' gently response. Make a fool of yourself begging if you like, he might pity shag you if you're lucky but you won't hear from him again. Karmic really, there's never an excuse for cheating.

PeloMom · 21/05/2023 01:48

I won’t judge you about wanting an affair- that’s something you have to live with if you’re caught and your kids find out. However, the affair partner should be fully aware that it’s just an affair and you’re married and he should be consenting to the arrangement. You have no right to lead on someone who may be looking to create a family or a meaningful relationship and waste their time.

Deathbyfluffy · 21/05/2023 01:53

Wow. Have some self respect and don’t be another cheating statistic - dress it up how you want, but you’re a cheat.

Have the decency to spare your husband the years he’ll waste while you’re shagging someone else on the side and divorce him first, so he can move on and find someone worth his time.

Original poster
Iknowitsbad · 06/06/2023 20:16

Well I messaged him. We have had a few dates since. The chemistry is there but I actually met someone else 🙈 haha mumsnet honestly it is funny. My friends understand so I guess that’s what counts.

OP posts:
Cardsagainsthumanity · 06/06/2023 20:31

Yep, your friends validating your shitty choices - nice.
well done OP. You sound a treat.

Original poster
Iknowitsbad · 06/06/2023 23:15

Haha step on my shoes and then u can tell me what to do. My husband deserves this. And I deserve to have fun too. So that’s what I’m doing. Trust me I earnt it. And I’ll keep cheating til he finds out and we finally spilt up (hopefully)

OP posts:
quirkysitcom · 06/06/2023 23:21

Got to love a wind up post on MN, though this one's pretty poorly constructed.
A bit too pantomime villain level but hey ho.

Original poster
Iknowitsbad · 06/06/2023 23:51

No actually. Just none of u are willing to accept maybe this is the only solution. What about if I told u thatb tried to leave? That I’m stuck in a foreign country without permission to take my children back home? Haha, like I said, don’t judge until u know the whole pic

OP posts:
quirkysitcom · 07/06/2023 00:13

Ah so a drip feed.
None of the last minute info makes any of it ok. But by the way you're laughing about it no I don't think it's really real.
Cheating on a husband I can't leave hahahaha what a laugh... Sure Jan.

Original poster
Iknowitsbad · 08/06/2023 12:02

soubds like half of u are so miserable in your own marriages 🙈 otherwise why so bloody angry? Get off ya high horses. What I can personally recommend is finding yourself a hot intellectual man (I found myself a doctor -also married and unhappy) and now we both have fun. :) loving it

OP posts:
Moooooooooooooooooo · 08/06/2023 12:44

Tellmeimcrazy · 21/05/2023 00:57

He is playing you.

This ^^ BIG TIME. Run. Fast.

ReachForTheMars · 08/06/2023 13:08

Iknowitsbad · 06/06/2023 23:51

No actually. Just none of u are willing to accept maybe this is the only solution. What about if I told u thatb tried to leave? That I’m stuck in a foreign country without permission to take my children back home? Haha, like I said, don’t judge until u know the whole pic

Not just about you though is it.

Have you told the affair partners you're in a marriage and it's likely to get messy? Of so, do you think its sexy that they just want sex? Because no offence, a lot of men arent fussy who they have sex with if they are single and its on offer.

Waiting to get found out so another man can basically dump your husband os pathetic and unempowering and smacks of you not being ready to step out of your helpless mode and into a confident woman. Dont engineer situations so you can passively be a passenger in your own life.

Because your plan to get found out will enable your husband to manipulate your kids and may result in them wanting to live with him because he puts on a sad face and blames mummy.

tennesseewhiskey1 · 08/06/2023 13:16

Is it school holidays yet?!?! my kids are still in schooolllll :( . I envy you OP - the time you must have.... urgh. I have so much washing to do as well.