No friends, no partner. Is something wrong with me?

[Cuppa123]

I have lived all my life (50 years) in a quiet rural village. I have had two long relationships, the first resulted in lovely children, but it ended sadly, the second was going nowhere. I am sitting on my own on yet another Saturday night with not one person to talk to apart from my teenage children. Nowhere to go and feeling that there is really something wrong with me. I get on well with my colleagues from the two jobs I have, I am quiet but friendly, quite confident, I keep myself fit, but I have no one. I read advice on other similar posts about going out and joining clubs etc. I am a long standing member of two clubs (7 years in one club) and this has resulted in no friendships, just more people I know and like. I do like being on my own most of the time, but it is becoming increasingly harder to accept that this is it now and I am finding myself distressed at times. At work I hear people talking about going out with friends, holidays with partners etc and I am constantly jealous of others. If I take my children out for walks, I see families together. A neighbour asked me for a drink at our local bar (to get me out of the house he said) and I went, everyone who was there talked away to him, no one spoke to me - we live in the same estate, practically opposite each other. I am really starting to struggle with it now. I feel like crap when the weekend comes and it is getting worse. I tried online dating, but I just can't do it anymore. I'm sorry this is such a pity post, but I have no one to ask. What is wrong with me? What can I do?

Last time I moved, I made new friends pretty quickly through pub quizzes. But everything seems different here, & I'm not finding it so easy..

@LilacRain12 and @IsAnybody This is why I've opted for a direct cremation

I live rurally and clubs and groups are always looking for secretaries, chair etc.

If you are up to doing admin and contributing to organising things I would think you'd be welcome in lots of clubs if willing to do that.

I have no clue and would find it anxiety inducing.

You can say that again!

One thing I noticed in your post was you said "When I go out walking with my children I see families out together" but you were also out with your family! You're talking as if these people have something you don't. I have several friends your age who really wanted children but didn't. They would have seen you at the park with your children and felt sad they didn't have that.
Anyway, I do empathise. Loneliness is awful. Are you a quieter person like me? I've been in situations where someone talks to whoever I'm with and not me. I think some people feel a little uncomfortable with quiet/shy people. On a positive note it's nice that your neighbour wanted to hang out with you. That tells me you're likeable and good company.

The pub was an ideal time to ask questions. Even if a topic is really not that interesting to you. I adore cats and can take or leave dogs but in a hiking group I am in one woman had bought along her little dog, it was exceptionally well behaved. I asked her a couple of very general questions about pets. She was actually a bit of an over sharer, though no harm done. At the end of the walk she gave me a hug.

Going to the clubs isn't in itself enough to take friendships out of them - you need to engage with people when you are there. Introduce yourself to new members and get chatting to them - they will be actively looking to meet someone in that first session so that they are not alone. Send a message to the group or maybe a couple of those people that you "know and like" in advance and see if anyone wants to grab a drink or bite to eat before/after. Join the committee.

Same with work - if you want colleagues to be outside of work friends, you have to arrange to see them outside of work. Maybe start with inviting a few people to a payday lunchbreak out or after-work drink or pizza. If someone else organises after work events, make an effort to attend and chat to them about something other than work.

When they do talk about themselves, try and remember details. Remember their partner/children/dog's names/ details of various family events being discussed (ill parent, niece's wedding, son's going off to uni, dog with a broken leg etc...) and ask after their loved ones next time you see them. If you find out their birthday, remember it and give them a card/bring them a cupcake at lunchtime. Demonstrate that you care about making the aquaintance-ship more than a transactional thing because you happen to work for the same place or attend the same club.

I hate to say it but I agree a bit about the pub. Those situations are super awkward, but at least you can make some acquaintances. If you get the chance again, even "Hi, I'm Cuppa, I'm Martin's neighbour. How do you know Martin?" is a plave to start. But also, if you see those people and remember their names, if you see them say hi - is that Pam, Martin's friend? etc... I had a weird thing where I ended up going for a drink with a friend and all her work friends a few months ago. It was a bit odd but I'd driven 7 hours to spend time with her. But I asked them questions, was generally enthusiastic and it was actually quite fun. You may have to act more confident and social that you are, but it will get easier.