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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Supermarket etiquette

161 replies

ASeriesOfTubes · 19/05/2023 23:55

You're in the vegetation section of Tescbury's, because tomatoes are on your shopping list. Someone else has them on their list too, though, and is already picking some out of the crate. Do you:
A) wait?
B) say to them "excuse me", then without waiting for a reaction reach in and start picking some for yourself, then get huffy when they suggest that keeping your mitts out until they finish picking theirs is unlikely to ruin your day?

Asking for a friend.

OP posts:
BodegaSushi · 20/05/2023 13:51

saltinesandcoffeecups · 20/05/2023 00:13

@ASeriesOfTubes Next time don’t take forever to choose your tomatoes!

I’m guessing B waited patiently for ages while you thumped and sniffed each perspective specimen and waited for divine intervention to confirm your choice before finally realizing they were losing precious time from their life they’d never get back.

Absolutely this is what went down. Otherwise they wouldn't have had to reach past. Avocados I understand needing a feel. But really? Tomatoes? Unless it's rotten or bruised I just grab and go.

BodegaSushi · 20/05/2023 13:57

RockItLikeRocketFuel · 20/05/2023 11:48

@TheKobayashiMaru So its not bad manners to block someone's access to tomatoes, or any other produce, while dithering about knowing someone is waiting?

No it isn't, if you're picking some for yourself. First come first served. And whether you're dithering over it or not is irrelevant. Yes, it's irritating when you're the one waiting, but you just have to suck it up and wait your turn.

Found Dithery McDitherface

DiscoDragon · 20/05/2023 14:28

I've always been a good little "wait your turn" person, I'm never treated with the same respect or courtesy myself though so don't bother any more. I'm short and a great deal of people just barge me out of the way or pretend that they haven't noticed me because I'm just too short to be noticeable. If someone is faffing about and not getting out of the way in a reasonable amount of time I just ask my much larger partner who has a Resting Angry Face to go and reach over/past the ditherer to get it for me!

LadyRos · 20/05/2023 14:42

People are too slow these days, if you want to be slow move to the side

Tallcurves · 20/05/2023 14:48

@ASeriesOfTubes

whats amazing is the people who say not time for ditherers use that as an excuse.

phoenixrosehere · 20/05/2023 14:51

I wait and do a quick scan to choose what looks good. If they lean away from the ones I want, I will say “excuse me”, grab them and be on my way.

AxolotlOnions · 20/05/2023 14:51

ASeriesOfTubes · 20/05/2023 09:52

It's a public space, I'd expect them to move to one side so I could get my tomatoes too.

If someone's already drying their hands under the only dryer, do you expect them to move aside so you can dry yours too?

Show quote history

If it's a drier that is designed for more than one person, yes. If you move one step to the left or right two people can pick up tomatoes, unless you go to a supermarket set up differently to all other supermarkets.

Would you grab a hand towel then stand in front of the dispenser blocking everyone else from getting one until your hands are dry? Or do you take one and move to the side so others can get some?

Marshmallowmountain · 20/05/2023 15:00

WhenTheBeeStings · 20/05/2023 00:02

I’m the idiot who does A then finds that someone else will muscle in front, or come from the other side, and do B.

Me too

PuppyPerson · 20/05/2023 15:03

I'm a B.
But more importantly, from this day forth, that bit of the supermarket will forever be The Vegetation Section. 🤣

Eurodiva · 20/05/2023 15:11

B every time…hate shopping and as long as you say excuse me it’s fine!

RudsyFarmer · 20/05/2023 15:23

Would go do something else and come back.

RMNofTikTok · 20/05/2023 15:26

C) smile and say hello then squeeze in and carry on with my shopping. You don't own the tomato's or exclusive rights to them until you have paid for them.

CabernetSauvignon · 20/05/2023 15:43

ASeriesOfTubes · 20/05/2023 09:52

It's a public space, I'd expect them to move to one side so I could get my tomatoes too.

If someone's already drying their hands under the only dryer, do you expect them to move aside so you can dry yours too?

Show quote history

Not comparable.

I don't think I've ever seen a veg container in a supermarket that is so small that two people can't comfortably reach into it at the same time if each of them stands slightly to the side. It wouldn't bother me in the least if someone else was trying to pick out tomatoes at the same time as me.

CabernetSauvignon · 20/05/2023 15:47

Do none of you ever speak to other shoppers as if they were , you know, human beings? Like politely saying, can I just grab a few… .

Why? If a stranger in a supermarket asked me if they could take the produce which is clearly on display waiting to be taken, I'd think they were bonkers.

Floofydawg · 20/05/2023 16:07

I have been known to swoop in to get the last of an item off the shelf when someone was dithering over whether they wanted it. So B for me.

TheKobayashiMaru · 20/05/2023 16:11

Tallcurves · 20/05/2023 11:41

@TheKobayashiMaru

i didnt say that did I.
They could also be being rude and insonsiderate , but given they were there first the second person should wait.

Two wrongs don't make a right.

PS you might want to ask your self why you dilberately ask questions like that.

Does if make you feel good?

Well, yes you did. You said if you can't wait, you're rude. I put forward a different perspective on the situation.

PS you might want to ask your self why you dilberately ask questions like that.

Does if make you feel good?

Nothing 'good' about it. Just a different view. Can you not accept views different from your own?

TheKobayashiMaru · 20/05/2023 16:12

BodegaSushi · 20/05/2023 13:57

Found Dithery McDitherface

Show quote history

Totally

powerrangers · 20/05/2023 16:15

Yfory · 20/05/2023 00:05

A. Just wait your turn. A minute or so wont harm you.
Change the scenario to using the public loos. Do you wait your turn or do you insist on sharing a cubicle thats already occupied? 😂
Someone else got there first, be patient!

Or it could be more like using the next cubical or waiting for the first cubicle to be free even though there are other cubicles.

It's just not a great analogy. Cubicles and vege troughs are nothing like each other.

TheKobayashiMaru · 20/05/2023 16:16

RockItLikeRocketFuel · 20/05/2023 11:48

@TheKobayashiMaru So its not bad manners to block someone's access to tomatoes, or any other produce, while dithering about knowing someone is waiting?

No it isn't, if you're picking some for yourself. First come first served. And whether you're dithering over it or not is irrelevant. Yes, it's irritating when you're the one waiting, but you just have to suck it up and wait your turn.

No I don't. I say 'Excuse me please, I'm in a hurry' flash a smile, grab the tomatoes (I feel no need to examine each one individually) and say 'Thank you' then leave.

You may have time to dither and faff when shopping, I don't.

powerrangers · 20/05/2023 16:20

@PocketBattleship Why do you, the person who got there later, get to decide what's an appropriate amount of time?
Why do you as the first person to get there, get to determine that it's a one person activity? If my getting tomatoes does not stop you getting tomatoes and the only issue you have is that you don't like sharing space then that's on you I'm afraid

springtome · 20/05/2023 16:22

If the crate is big enough to reach in quickly to grab what I want then B but if not then always A.

LadyOfTheCanyon · 20/05/2023 16:23

I work in retail and can confirm that there are far more ditherers than decisive people out there.

What should happen is this:
1/ Make a decision about what you want to buy
2/ Take to appropriate till
3/ Pay.
4/ Leave swiftly.

What does happen though is usually:
1/ Pick up several tomatoes, put them back in the wrong place, drop some, squash some beyond even the dreams of passata., leave some in random places round the shop to be discovered two days later.

2/ Find a member of staff and ask penetrating questions about how much tomatoes are when the price is clearly and repeatedly advertised next to them.

3/ Ask member of staff which tomatoes they think are the best thing to buy, given that tomatoes are identical. This is sometimes bookended by irrelevant anecdotes about tomatoes, and sometimes potatoes.

4/ Take to till

5/ Lose ability to locate purse/ decide that there's something they've forgotten and set off at great haste back to the vegetation section, probably to repeat points 1-3 again with another unsuspecting member of staff. Return, forgot where they put purse. Forget how to use contactless. Repeatedly ask if we take Amex. Insist on paying the whole amount in shrapnel.

6/ Upon completion of sale, produce a 10p off coupon and then insist on seeing a supervisor as I now cannot do anything about it.

The upshot of all this is that so am an absolute DREAM customer.

Floofydawg · 20/05/2023 16:25

OMG @LadyOfTheCanyon how have you not killed someone?!

ItsBritneyBitchhhh · 20/05/2023 16:25

Nsky62 · 19/05/2023 23:57

Excuse me i need tomatoes, the end

Literally😂 I’m standing waiting around for the person to pick what they like. I’ll take my tomatoes and go thanks

LadyOfTheCanyon · 20/05/2023 16:27

@Floofydawg

I do have very dark thoughts sometimes about pushing these people headfirst into a chest freezer.