Condescending colleague . Is she BU?

[Cocolocobaby]

I am a qualified teacher of around 10
Years . My colleague is a TA of 7 years and has been doing teacher training over the past two years .

We work in an independent school and we share a class where we have a good 15 hours of cross over time . My college has worked in the school for 7 years and is seen As a leader . She has lots of experience and is good at what she does. I have been in my role a year . Have become part of the team and friendly with all expect with my co teacher . I have tried to be friendly but The only comments she makes are back handed . She will find any reason to ‘tell me off / put me down ‘.

I am quite laid back and I’m never ever rude to her but I’m starting to lose my patience with it and truthfully it upsets me . She isn’t like this with anyone else .

I would never ever pull rank and say - well as a qualified teacher. I never pull her up in her mistakes . I’d like to be friends. I am always friendly and polite to her but she acts like she is so above me . It almost pains her to look at me . I worry when she completes her training she will be even more insufferable.

I worry that if I complain to management they will dismiss my concerns as she only shows this side of her personality to me . Also ; she has worked their far longer than me . So why would they believe me ?
I feel I can’t give concrete examples of her rudeness but it’s clear she dislikes me . Maybe I’m being silly ….

Her comments …

‘ why aren’t all the windows open - it is essential there is an airflow !?’

It’s 12.02 - we will be late for lunch . I don’t tolerate lateness and it’s a poor example to the children .’

‘ Can you explain why you haven’t refilled the water cooler . Hydration is key to children’s development’.

‘ I expect you will sweep that mess up promptly?’

What’s sad is I know I go above and beyond . Come in on weekends , stay late and am good at my job. yet she only speaks at me to comment on the most silly things which will always be a put down . I don’t want to be drawn into misery . I hate confrontation .I don’t know how to solve this ? I am quite straight forward and don’t want this drama.
We are both early 30s .

I honestly am at my wits end . I am sat here on a Friday night seething ! I’m thinking the only option is leaving my role .

Ok. Let's say she (t2) isn't the assistant. Will dows need opening t2 can open them. Floor needs sweeping after an activity - t2 can be a helpful team member and sweep etc etc. No need to comment.

This is absolutely wrong. She is no position to question someone in a more senior/qualified role. Her manner is awful, she’s a passive aggressive bully.

Ask her to meet with you alone, preferably in YOUR classroom explain that you find her manner is passive aggressive and confrontational. She tries to humiliate you and undermine your authority.

”I need to point out certain behaviours that are making me feel uncomfortable”. I think that you may be harbouring some kind of resentment and I would like to clear this up.”

Good luck

She's a bitch! No matter what she'll find something to pick you up on, because she sees you're earning more and you're qualified and she's not.
Be polite but form back. I'd also diarise any nasty comments so you have them to hand if she complains that you're not allowing her to berate you.

Windows - I'd try something like 'feel free to open the windows if you'd like more open'
Time - I'd rather be 2 minutes late and complete the class learning thanks. If she retorts that time keeping us essential, tell her so is finishing things properly ... not really a comeback from that.
Sweeping - can you be mindful of undermining me in front of the children, rudeness isn't a quality and children shouldn't think it's ok to talk to colleagues in such a tone

She's a niggling manipulative bully, be polite but waspy back, but not rude, just a tone and retort that ensures she knows you won't accept such behaviour

I think these are good responses. She may be bullying you because she sees you as submissive in some way. It is important to be firm with her but remain professional. Sometimes a good hard stare and a short silence before responding works a treat as it shows you’re not happy with the way she has spoken to you. Make sure you’re not overly friendly or smiley when you respond so she knows you’re not impressed.

A classic response is to calmly and neutrally ask the person to repeat what they have just said. 'Could you repeat that please?'

Most people don't have the balls to say it again with the same snideness and will moderate a bit. You need to keep at it though.

She wants your position. She's going to be a qualified teacher soon and she wants to be the lead teacher in the classroom..and to have an assistant. You've come in to her plans late and you're a threat to where she saw herself.

I'm sure there are other jobs out there. If you want to remain in the school, maybe you can request to be moved up a few age groups (not citing her as a reason), because she won't be able to teach those classes.

I’m afraid new teacher/established TA situation is one I’ve seen many times over the years. Resentment, jealousy and a determination to undermine. I’d be very wary of what she is saying about you behind your back.

I’d get a third person involved - your line manager for example. Explain you’re concerned about the relationship affecting the students and you’d like to discuss it in a neutral way - that will rein her in. Calmly state your concerns always talking about the students and ask for a way forward. Make notes, email it to both of them.

Get it out in the open and find a way forward. Follow up if it doesn’t improve. That’s what you’d do with a classroom bully and she’s no different.

Could you say stuff like,

Im sorry. In my previous post i relied on my TA to open the windows and fill the water so I assumed you would do those tasks. If you see a job that needs doing, I'd like you to do it and be more proactive

Perhaps speak with the head and ask if she can be rotated elsewhere in September

NQT s and TAs can be full of themselves these days.Told to be assertive by parents.When i was a young teacher i was bullied by some older teachers and wouldnt say boo to a goose.Times change.Also the complete removal of many older teachers and the slavish worship of youth means a lot of younger teachers are up themselves bigtime