Condescending colleague . Is she BU?

[Cocolocobaby]

I am a qualified teacher of around 10
Years . My colleague is a TA of 7 years and has been doing teacher training over the past two years .

We work in an independent school and we share a class where we have a good 15 hours of cross over time . My college has worked in the school for 7 years and is seen As a leader . She has lots of experience and is good at what she does. I have been in my role a year . Have become part of the team and friendly with all expect with my co teacher . I have tried to be friendly but The only comments she makes are back handed . She will find any reason to ‘tell me off / put me down ‘.

I am quite laid back and I’m never ever rude to her but I’m starting to lose my patience with it and truthfully it upsets me . She isn’t like this with anyone else .

I would never ever pull rank and say - well as a qualified teacher. I never pull her up in her mistakes . I’d like to be friends. I am always friendly and polite to her but she acts like she is so above me . It almost pains her to look at me . I worry when she completes her training she will be even more insufferable.

I worry that if I complain to management they will dismiss my concerns as she only shows this side of her personality to me . Also ; she has worked their far longer than me . So why would they believe me ?
I feel I can’t give concrete examples of her rudeness but it’s clear she dislikes me . Maybe I’m being silly ….

Her comments …

‘ why aren’t all the windows open - it is essential there is an airflow !?’

It’s 12.02 - we will be late for lunch . I don’t tolerate lateness and it’s a poor example to the children .’

‘ Can you explain why you haven’t refilled the water cooler . Hydration is key to children’s development’.

‘ I expect you will sweep that mess up promptly?’

What’s sad is I know I go above and beyond . Come in on weekends , stay late and am good at my job. yet she only speaks at me to comment on the most silly things which will always be a put down . I don’t want to be drawn into misery . I hate confrontation .I don’t know how to solve this ? I am quite straight forward and don’t want this drama.
We are both early 30s .

I honestly am at my wits end . I am sat here on a Friday night seething ! I’m thinking the only option is leaving my role .

I would speak to her about it. I know that’s difficult but do it as an end of year review. Be assertive!

She is an absolute witch, op! I don’t know what the answer is. Mean people like her seem to be able to zoom in on the nicest person to harass her or him, and pit everyone against the person. What can we do? I’d like to know too.

If I'm reading the OP's posts right she is not the line manager of this person and they are being treated as job shares (I think?) even though one is qualified and one unqualified.

So OP can't exactly call this woman in for an end of year review.

She really does phrase everything like Mary Poppins. She acts much older than 30s. Like 60s. I think it is an attempt to appear mature and superior .

SLT adore her as she has been doing the work of a teacher for minimum wage for years ! She has worked her way into their inner circle . She is ‘so very respected ‘. That is why I find it infuriating because she is actually so very unkind yet acts as if she is a role model to all!!

i have a feeling that if I tried to talk to her there would be floods of tears to management and complaints about me !!! Difficult !

You are right . We are essentially equals
so I can’t do an end of year review. We will be clad sharing next year and she will be qualified so I’m worrying she will turn into a complete power mad crazy lady !!!!!!

In all my years I have never been one to think a TA is below a teacher . I see it alot and cringe . I see us as educators. Some TAs have been educating for 20
years and are bossed around by novice newly qualified teachers ! I have never been this way .

Bloody hell, sympathies, I can picture exactly the type.

There is very little you can do because she will DARVO you and - because she has groomed everyone around her with her amenability, which SLT take advantage of by getting her to work for buttons - everyone will take her side.

I would do my very best to put in boundaries with her in a grey rock kind of a style rather than give her the gift of a reaction.

This situation sounds very hard on you and you have my sympathies. I resigned rather than carry on.

Respect should be earned imho, and this TA hasn’t earned the deference you are giving her.

I would be handing in my notice.

@diggitdiggit is right. You're going to need to play a long game, much as she deserves a good verbal slapping. Horrible woman.

Yes, it’s rude of her. She’s treating you like somebody incompetent. I think I’d mention her tone: “You’re being very brusque with me.” Then leave it at that. If it continues, raise it with your line manager. Part of being an effective team worker is to know how to ask people to do things in ways which don’t piss them off or patronise them so she needs to learn.

So, you’re Jobsharing with this person who is doing teacher training, rather than her being a TA?

To be honest, if it’s a private school and she’s friends with the SLT, I’d be looking to move on.

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She is insecure because you're qualified and she isn't.

You only think she has a great relationship with the school and I can almost guarantee that you arent the first and won't be the last colleague that she can't get on with. SMT will know already.

The thing is, she is desperate to elevate her own professional status and is acting unprofessionally in her attempt to do so.

I actually job share an early years teaching role too and we work as a team. We have eachother's backs. Often when you work in a school where staff are ready to stick the knife in their colleagues, it's due to the culture of the school and the only way to handle it is to leave.

Years ago, on my NQT year, I had a TA who criticised my every mistake behind my back. She told people I didn't do any work, even though I was one of the last to leave every evening. She had been put into my class because she had completely turned on another teaching colleague in the team. She was friends with SMT but I reported her anyway and they were fully aware. The culture of the school was toxic and they solved the problem by promoting her to head honcho TA and taking her out of class. I just left the school.

Don't let her undermine your confidence because that's all she wants to do. She is asserting her authority because she is jealous that you are the qualified one in the dynamic and she does not like it.

You can either call her out on it or act like it is water off a ducks back and doesn't bother you in the slightest, while you look for another job.

People and their egos!

I agree. Her manner is quite forthright, but not impolite or unreasonable. The first 3 things she's picking you up on goings you presumably should have done ie open windows, finish on time, keep water cooler filled.
The 'order' to sweep is unnecessary.....unless of course you have a habit of regularly leaving things.
I'd be rehearsing a few responses for when she gives unnecessary instruction or questions you ....eg 'Why do you ask?' or '"Don't panic TA, I'll A, B and C. I dont want you getting anxious again".

Thanks all for replies.
@Sundaysundaebananasplit she is desperate to elevate her own professional status and is acting unprofessionally in her attempt to do so.
And I agree when you say - I can almost guarantee that you arent the first and won't be the last colleague that she can't get on with. SMT will know already.

@Shinyandnew1 - I think it is time to move on !

@diggitdiggit - I just looked up DARVO! You are right.

thanks all !

Yes it is impolite. The wording is designed to make OP feel like she is being berated. In my work set up, which is similar to OP's, if someone doesn't open the window, the other one does it! If one teacher doesn't fill the water cooler, the other teacher will say something like 'can you fill the water cooler when you get a chance please?'. 'Oh gosh, it's getting a bit late for lunch, we better get a move on!'

Just like two normal, adult people working together and talking to eachother.

Far out! You are physic

The clue is in the title - teacher's assistant. It just doesn't work unless the assistant lets the teacher run the class and understands their role is to assist. In our school, the assistants often end up with more responsibility and power than ideal because of teachers being out for various reasons. Difficult to switch it off though.

I don't think that's what the OP is describing, though. It sounds like a job share between two teachers - one qualified and one unqualified.

You don't need to be a qualified teacher to teach in an independent school.

So the colleague is NOT the op's assistant.

I totally get this. I've been teaching 24 years and I've worked with similar people I've found these type of responses work well for me (I'm not the confrontational type)..
Re windows "you're right, I don't mind if you want to open them"
Re lateness"yes, we are a couple of minutes late but don't worry it's all ok"
Re water"absolutely, it's so important, I'm fine if you want to fill it up"
Re mess"oh, I'd totally forgotten about that. Don't worry about that, I can sort that out later"
Basically not letting them see it's getting to you.

But also saying that you're giving them permission to do it.

And doing it with a smile 😊

Well yes, maybe she is being 'berated' which might be appropriate. Without more details it's impossible to say. If the windows/water are shared/no-ones responsibility, then yes it's rude to expect OP go do those tasks, but if OP is being picked up for lots of minor mistakes it might be that well, she's made lots of minor mistakes.
Would I mention them all? Maybe not, but I'd definitely mention the windows. I used to deliver a specific training session and would 'tag team' with a co-educator. It's really irritating when we're not finished because someone has run over.

I'd guess too that the reason it's OP who sees this behaviour is because she's with her all day.

We don't have to like our colleagues or be friends with them. I'd say it's 2 people with apposite styles who don't like each other much but as it stands neither have crossed any boundaries or been unfair

Sharing a classroom can be challenging but you have to be more assertive. YOU are the teacher, not her. So put her in her place!

the water cooler, going to lunch etc - have a response ready each time. Or assign her the task of keeping the water refilled. I don’t see why that should be the teacher’s responsibility if you have an assistant in the room.

Have you assigned her specific students to work with, or gone through your expectations with her? Are there any behavioral concerns with the students? What are her expectations?

I’d absolutely feedback to someone higher up if she is overstepping and undermining you. That’s not going to make for a harmonious classroom environment.

i’d suggest sitting down with her and talk her through your expectations of what you expect from her. Ask her how she is finding working with you. Communication is really key with situations like this.

if she continues to be difficult and rude, you can follow up with SLT. But firstly try your best to resolve it between the two of you.

Good luck and I hope you get it sorted. A good TA can be an absolutely godsend, so it’s really best to try and find a way forwards that works for both of you, if you can.

Aside from the other advice you've been given I'll just add that she's a colleague and your relationship is a professional one. It doesn't matter that you're not mates. It does matter that you both treat each other with respect. You just need to find some strategies for dealing with her comments when she's trying to boss you around and pointing out what hasn't been done. If you are working as a team, why is she telling you you haven't done something unless you're constantly not doing it?

‘why aren’t all the windows open - it is essential there is an airflow !?’

There’s enough windows open in my classroom thank you.

It’s 12.02 - we will be late for lunch . I don’t tolerate lateness and it’s a poor example to the children .’

I’m aware of the time thank you…

’Can you explain why you haven’t refilled the water cooler . Hydration is key to children’s development’.

As you should be aware, tasks like this are the TAs responsibility so I can focus on teaching the class (and if that’s not been set out, do it now!)

I expect you will sweep that mess up promptly?’

As above….

I think you need set out responsibilities to her that as a TA and let her know that if she spots things that need doing it’s her role to crack on and do them, because she’s there to support you, as the teacher.

If you're too scared to call out her bossy rudeness, then you have three choices

Suck it up

Leave

Possibly - ask to be moved to another class so you don't have to work with her (unlikely to happen)

Bear in mind that once she is qualified, her attitude will get worse