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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask him to turn off the tracker?

69 replies

Newlywedded · 19/05/2023 07:04

My husband and his friends are connected on the 360 app. This started when they went on holiday together a few years ago and needed to be able to find each other easily. But it’s stayed and they are all constantly looking at where each other is. I feel like they know our every move- which isn’t particularly exciting to be honest.
aibu to ask my husband to turn the app off when we go on holiday together? I figure they do not need to know his every movement at any time not at least when we’re on holiday together just the two of us. Or am I being unreasonable to interfere with friendships?

OP posts:
SunnySaturdayMorning · 19/05/2023 08:16

He's not a child he shouldn't need to worry about peer pressure and should be able to drop out of the app without an issue.... If he can't that's an issue itself.

@PimpMyFridge There’s no peer pressure here Confused Sounds like there’s going to be pressure from his wife though.

CuriouslyDifferent · 19/05/2023 08:21

We have f&f switched on.

We all have a safe word - “Tuesday?”

it means - i need help urgently.

with that and f&f, we can usually guarantee someone will get to the other person in minutes. We’ve used with the kids about a dozen times - times where someone creepy has been harassing them, or a boyfriend has overstepped a boundary.

do i care that anyone can see if I’m in this town, that town, this spot, that spot. No.

Im happy to lose my location privacy, for the safety of others. I just find it funny when someone asks ‘why were you in….’ They usually get “stalking me again?” Rather than an answer.

Whimsocal · 19/05/2023 08:23

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Luckydip1 · 19/05/2023 08:29

Isn't this what kids use Snapchat for so they can see where their mates are? Nothing wrong with this.

ShimmeringShirts · 19/05/2023 08:35

I don’t see what the issue is, it’s not even your phone being tracked. If you’re not keen on that kind of thing then don’t use it but I don’t think it’s ok to tell your DP he can’t do the same, he could be the same as thousands of others and feel reassured that someone can see where he is.

Deathbyfluffy · 19/05/2023 08:42

handydandynotebook · 19/05/2023 08:04

If you get burgled while you're on holiday your insurance company won't be impressed

What’s the difference between the obligatory holiday selfies and this?
Nothing - and in todays culture it’s the done thing to rub everyone’s face in the fact you can afford a holiday, so it’ll be seen by a lot more than just a few friends!

PimpMyFridge · 19/05/2023 08:46

SunnySaturdayMorning · 19/05/2023 08:16

He's not a child he shouldn't need to worry about peer pressure and should be able to drop out of the app without an issue.... If he can't that's an issue itself.

@PimpMyFridge There’s no peer pressure here Confused Sounds like there’s going to be pressure from his wife though.

I didn't say there was peer pressure.
I said if there was i.e. he was staying in the group app because he didn't feel he could leave, that would be a problem.

Mummyoflittledragon · 19/05/2023 08:50

Yanbu
It becomes intrusive when his friends ask why he is somewhere when they don’t have plans to meet up. Dd is 14. Dh and I all have a tracking system together. I mainly use it to find out where they are for convenience eg getting food ready, tracking where dd’s bus is to collect her etc.

2chocolateoranges · 19/05/2023 08:55

My friend and her teens all have this so they know where each other is. Friend and I went a walk one night and popped into local pub for a Glass of wine and her dd phoned in hysterics because we were in pub, she didn’t want her mum to drink and that she was to get home immediately. This was a 13 yr old. Friend drank up and we went home. Totally spoiled the evening and I’ve actually stopped going out with this friend as it’s put me off. I don’t want tracked while we are out!

I would insist it was turned off while on holiday.

TomatoSandwiches · 19/05/2023 09:02

No, it's not normal imo op, total invasion of privacy. If your DH wants to use it when he is alone fine but I would hope he would respect how you feel and turn it off when on holiday.

peachescariad · 19/05/2023 09:03

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Agree

determinedtomakethiswork · 19/05/2023 09:29

SunnySaturdayMorning · 19/05/2023 07:04

YABU. This is between him and his friends, nothing to do with you.

Of course, it's to do with her! They now know where she is all the time.

cocksstrideintheevening · 19/05/2023 09:56

2chocolateoranges · 19/05/2023 08:55

My friend and her teens all have this so they know where each other is. Friend and I went a walk one night and popped into local pub for a Glass of wine and her dd phoned in hysterics because we were in pub, she didn’t want her mum to drink and that she was to get home immediately. This was a 13 yr old. Friend drank up and we went home. Totally spoiled the evening and I’ve actually stopped going out with this friend as it’s put me off. I don’t want tracked while we are out!

I would insist it was turned off while on holiday.

Unless there is a massive back story that is fucking odd.

SeulementUneFois · 19/05/2023 09:57

2chocolateoranges · 19/05/2023 08:55

My friend and her teens all have this so they know where each other is. Friend and I went a walk one night and popped into local pub for a Glass of wine and her dd phoned in hysterics because we were in pub, she didn’t want her mum to drink and that she was to get home immediately. This was a 13 yr old. Friend drank up and we went home. Totally spoiled the evening and I’ve actually stopped going out with this friend as it’s put me off. I don’t want tracked while we are out!

I would insist it was turned off while on holiday.

That sounds so uncomfortable....presume her DD has some MH issues??

notacooldad · 19/05/2023 10:03

*We have f&f switched on.

We all have a safe word - “Tuesday?”it means - i need help urgently*.

with that and f&f, we can usually guarantee someone will get to the other person in minutes. We’ve used with the kids about a dozen times - times where someone creepy has been harassing them, or a boyfriend has overstepped a boundary.

do i care that anyone can see if I’m in this town, that town, this spot, that spot. No

Im happy to lose my location privacy, for the safety of others. I just find it funny when someone asks ‘why were you in….’ They usually get “stalking me again?” Rather than an answer.
That's no where near similar to Op's situation.
I wouldn't want a bunch of clowns saying they're going to turn up to see us because they knew we're nearby.

2chocolateoranges · 19/05/2023 10:16

cocksstrideintheevening · 19/05/2023 09:56

Unless there is a massive back story that is fucking odd.

Show quote history

Friend had recently separated from her partner and dd was struggling that but still feel it’s a massive intrusion on her mums life. Friends dd was glued to her mums side apart from at school.

GrumpyInsomniac · 19/05/2023 10:19

@Deathbyfluffy posting holiday selfies while still on holiday is practically an invitation to burglars. I don’t post anything until we’re safely back home, rather than advertising our absence.

Flowerblooms · 19/05/2023 10:26

I only have 360 with my child, I would feel uncomfortable having it with family members let alone friends. Yanbu

Luredbyapomegranate · 19/05/2023 10:29

Totally reasonable.

He doesn’t need to get why you don’t want it- lots of people don’t like being tracked. You can’t ask him not to do in in the rest of his life, but when you too are on holiday - fair enough

user1492757084 · 19/05/2023 10:46

To not be tracked is a totally reasonable request.

You don't have to want to go on holiday with a tracker.

Your partner is not going on hiliday with a generic girl, he is holidaying with YOU and should care about what you will tolerate.

It seems that his mates have been unusual in still tracking each other - very weird and inappropriate.

Frabbits · 19/05/2023 11:40

Using a tracking app with friends - and actively checking it - it's fucking weird and given most people spend a lot of time with partners if your partner has it active that means, by extension, that people will know where you are as well.

I would absolutely insist that DH turns it off, that would be a complete hard line in the sand for me.

RightWhereYouLeftMe · 19/05/2023 12:06

Newlywedded · 19/05/2023 07:22

I know they check it because we’ve been at my brothers house before in another town and he’s had a message telling him he’s really near a friend of a friends house and why is he there.

recently we went to another city for a party and he turned it off to save battery and so one of the friends messaged me to ask if we were on our way home yet.

so I would just like a couple weeks where no one knows what we’re up to - even though it’s not even going to be exciting. It’s just to know that we’re alone without his friends being any part of it.

That is really weird. Why do they spend their time looking at this?

SunnySaturdayMorning · 19/05/2023 12:08

It’s most likely they have family on their Life360 too and just notice the friends’ movements when they’re on there for their family as they all come up together.

RightWhereYouLeftMe · 19/05/2023 12:12

recently we went to another city for a party and he turned it off to save battery and so one of the friends messaged me to ask if we were on our way home yet.

This gets weirder the more I think about it. I can't think of a scenario where I'd message a friend's partner to check whether they were heading home yet. Why would he need this information? Why would he care?

CurlewKate · 19/05/2023 13:27

I think it's perfectly fine to get him to turn it off when you're on holiday. I'd be quite relaxed at other times- presumably you're not always together?