To correct them everytime over DDs name?

[AllInAName]

For this thread lets say DDs name is Elizabeth (it’s not but it works for the example).

She is Elizabeth, no Liz, Lizzie, Beth, Eliza, just Elizabeth. I personally like all the shortenings of her name and would have no issues if she wanted to use one. ExH uses a shortened version of his name and day to day I use a completely different name to my given name but my parents refer to me by my given name so DD is around people who use shortened names/different names and knows she can to but says it’s not her.

Teachers and TAs at school have always been fine with it and call her Elizabeth but I’ve noticed that NHS staff and other outside of school shorten it. DD has medical condition that requires regular physiotherapy and also orthopedics input.

Both her physio and consultant use different shortenings of her name, one calls her Beth and the other Eliza for example. I wouldn’t normally complain as generally they’re doing their best but DD doesn’t like it and both have commented that DD can be unco-operative with them and I just think if they used her preferred name she’d co-operate better. It’s also happened in other NHS settings such as the GP and also at activity clubs and similar – actually school and Brownies are the only place DDs name doesn’t get shortened to Liz/Lizzie/Beth/Eliza and she is known only as Elizabeth.

I do correct them everytime and have repeatedly said “She doesn’t like to be called anything but Elizabeth”, and I use Elizabeth when talking about DD but they still slip back.

I don’t want to make an official complaint or anything as it’s such a minor thing. I have checked on DDs medical records that theres no known as name in her records (there is in mine and ExH says in his to) so it’s not like they’re reading the notes.

Is there anything else I can do other than correct them everytime?

For context DD is 8, but quite shy so wouldn’t correct them herself

NHS staff should be taught to use preferred name, and I'm sure there used to be a query for preferred name on the paperwork \ computer system. Next time you are there ask one of the receptionist s to check for you.

Sometimes when I see a patient I would look back at previous session notes and if name was wrong there I could continue the error. Really bad form if you have to repeatedly tell them... Can't think of anything useful you could do. Name sticker?

I couldn't lose sleep over this in a medical setting. Her proper name is used in school and other social settings, the places that count most.

If they aren’t responding to your corrections you need to write to the head of dept - say staff are forgetting despite reminders so pls can they add it to her notes. You can be assertive without being OTT.

Correct them every time they call your child by a name other than the correct name. Ask what the problem is with using your child’s actual name.

By all means tell them every time but I do think you need to ensure you're daughter knows it's not appropriate to be in-cooperative if they get it wrong

Your

Ask for something to be written in the notes e.g. known as Elizabeth only. Responds poorly to other names. It may well be that some notes are written about her using the wrong name and this has led to confusion.

I would also tell them if they comment that she's not cooperative: "are you using her full name? She really prefers it and might respond better."

I get this sometimes with my daughter, who uses a the less convenient shortening of her name. If someone calls her “Liz”, I’d say - “oh, it’s Elizabeth. She won’t know who you mean if you call her Liz; we call her Betty at home if we shorten it”. And that doesn’t sound as accusatory somehow, I reckon.

I know you say she wouldn't correct them herself but maybe now is the time for her to learn how as she may go through her life with this issue in work etc. My name is Rebecca so I have spent years with people randomly shortening it to Becky, Becks, Becca etc. I'm used to it and don't mind but will still introduce myself as Rebecca.

On the other side of the coin....I once met a family members new baby and had only seen the name written on a text before going. It was Esme, which I would pronounce Es-may. While cooing over the baby I called her Es-may and her 10 year old sister sneered loudly "Es-MAY! Who is Es-MAY? Its Es-Mee", laughed at me and walked out of the room mocking how I had said it. Mum simply smiled and continued the conversation. Not a mistake I will make again. I'm sure mum and sister were just sick of people mispronouncing it but, seeing as it was the first time I had met baby, I would have expected it just politely told to me. But maybe this is another way to go and they wouldn't make the mistake again.

Would she be happy to wear a sticker with her full name on, for these appointments?

To be honest if it’s friends and family I’d correct them but it’s always harder with other people. You never know if they know an Elizabeth and they call them Liz or Beth etc and it’s just a habit. I completely understand where you’re coming from but I think there’s bigger things in life to stress over. We shorten DD’s name but she doesn’t like others using it so will correct them herself. Ultimately it’s going to be up to your DD what people call her so this might be a good thing for her to experience early on.

Why is it not appropriate? It’s not a simple mistake like a mispronunciation. It’s quite a conscious choice to refer to someone as ‘Beth’ when you’ve only ever heard them and their parent say Elizabeth and all the paperwork says the same?

If I was called Jane and someone insisted on calling me Sarah instead i wouldn’t be cooperative either until they could give me a little respect and use my name.

@Sissynova because I would want to teach my 8 year old to speak up if they didn't like it. I understand she is shy and may not be keen to do so but I think the staff may pay more attention if she said it herself and it is a good lesson to learn to be politely assertive.

I'm completely with her. I hate my name being shortened by anyone but my sister who has done it all my life and is literally the only person I wouldn't ask to use my full name. Any interaction should use the name she gives not a version someone else wants to use. Continually getting someone's name wrong actually devalues them and in a health care setting it is arrogant and belittling. It's not a trivial thing at all. I would formally complain.

My Son is a name like Thomas and for years I shortened it to Tom until he finally admitted when he was about 8 that he really didn't like being called Tom. From then on I've never used it and and I've corrected others. Now at 13 he feels comfortable telling people not to shorten his name. One of his teachers even commented on it at a parents evening how she kept calling him Tom so he approached her at the end of class and mentioned it. She was so happy he'd felt confident enough to correct her.
That time will come with your daughter but for now I would correct everyone, every time. Some people say let it go but I don't see why she should be called a name she doesn't want to be called.

Yes do it - a smile takes the sting out but you can be concise, firm and unapologetic.

Imagine they are getting her pronouns wrong and act accordingly.
They can't just give your daughter a new name, shortened version or not.
They need to ask for her preferred name and use it every time, especially for a name like Elizabeth which has so many nick names, how dare they just pick one, like her whole name is too much effort or not good enough.
My god daughter is Isobelle, she doesn't mind being called Belle or Issy but they seem to have a hierarchy and only closer people get to call her Belle, it's her name she can choose.
My niece is Amelia and goes by Ami, Mela, Mia, Mils, if she insisted to be called her full name we would respect that, they are nicknames, I wouldn't expect anyone in a formal setting to just pick one and hope it's acceptable.
I've got a short name that's a diminutive of a couple of other longer names, can only be shortened one way which only family and close friends would call me, some idiots think it's funny to call me the long versions which of course I never ever answer to as they're not my name.

I know the name is not actually Elizabeth but for any name with multiple options for a nickname it's rude for anyone to presume one let alone in a formal setting, especially where your daughter might be more vulnerable such as a medical appointment or hospital.
Correct them every time.
Teach your daughter polite but firm ways of correcting people.
So rude.

Thanks everyone will send an email to the consultant secretary and make sure it's on her notes as preferred name as Elizabeth and will chat to physio. Thanks

I have a 'posh' aunt by marriage who named her child Daniella-Marie and insisted on her not being called 'Danny'. Had to be said in full. She always used the name in full when addressing the child in company. Also insisted on 'talking proper' - no dropping aitches or terminal 'g' on -ing words, etc. The family she married into was no-airs-and-graces London. Our side of the family took extra delight in saying 'Wotcher, Danny. 'Ow are yer doin'?' She's still Danny to us 50 years on. And that's what she calls herself on the phone, actually. Names changed.

It IS pronounced Es-MAY. That's what the é signifies.

If they spelled it without the é they've just made up a name that sounds a little bit like a real name.

Like if someone called their son Roobert.

You were correct. Even if you weren't, that child needed a talking-to about rudeness.

I have a colleague who is Christopher and dislikes Chris.

I know this because the first time I met him (I knew his name already from an email) I asked him which he preferred.

If I hear another colleague refer to him (in his absence) as Chris I do tactfully say "actually he told me he prefers Christopher" kind of in a "you weren't to know so I'm just letting you know now" sort of a way. I think it's nice to help people in that way if you can, it saves the person themselves having to have the awkward conversation, or put up with it.

I think at 8 she needs to start correcting people herself.

She's the one who actually cares about it - you say you don't. So step back and let her stand up for herself. It shouldn't be a big deal and she can be polite about it ("oh, can you call me Elizabeth please").

I have a name that can be shortened in different ways and one of those is my preference (think Elizabeth/Ellie). Some people - who don't know me well - have tried to shorten it to another version (eg Lizzie). I find it very over-familiar and have been correcting people since I was primary school age.

If she really wants to be called a certain thing she's going to have to get used to telling people and not relying on her mum to do so.

Absolute non-problem. Good heavens.