DH driving kids short distances without seatbelts on

[SeatbeltProblems]

Name changed as I'm very active on one of the other boards, with lots of outing information.

DH today, not for the first time, has driven our kids (7 & 4) a short distance (a few hundred metres) without their seatbelts on. Both kids can put their own belts on, but our 4 year struggles to reach around her car seat to get the plug, so it takes her a while. If we're in a rush we do it for her, but she's a stubborn 4 year old who likes doing things for herself, so if we're not in a rush we let her do it.

We live in a village with very quiet roads, my husband is driving the kids to the farmhouse behind our house. He's travelling on proper roads, not dirt tracks etc. he's driving about 20mph approx. 600m. He gets in his seat, he says, without realising the 4 year old hadn't got her belt on. 6 year old told him, he said 'we're almost there', and kept driving.

My view is: why risk it? This wasn't a one-off misunderstanding, he's done it before. He's choosing to drive the kids without their seatbelts on, and if something was to happen, they could be seriously injured or worse. How crappy a parent do you have to be, to not spend 5 seconds putting the belt on.

His view is: short distance, quiet rural roads, no risk.

AIBU? Am I going out of mind, or is he being stupid and irresponsible with our kids? He's laughing it off saying I'm being daft and he's really got me questioning myself.

But the part about "no risk" isn't true though is it.

Of course they should have seatbelts on. Maybe if your DH won’t see sense re danger on a short, slow journey you could argue it from the point of view of being consistent with his mr safety approach on longer ones, and how it’s easier to have a blanket rule or else next time you hit traffic on the motorway the 4YO could undo their belt as daddy says it’s ok when going slow…

And a high back booster is a totally normal and safe choice of car seat for a 4YO, as long as the seatbelt is done up of course!

I'm sure there will be safety videos online about children 'loose' in the car that you could show him. You are definitely not being unreasonable or over-reacting.

Country roads make no difference. We were in a super quiet area of the Highlands, no cars for miles, and were hit head on by another driver who was only going a few hundred yards. He didn't have a seatbelt on for that reason. We did, but we still suffered minor injuries and bruises that took weeks to disappear. He had concussion, I think. He was at fault and admitted it at the scene and to his insurer. Didn't take the pain away though, or the hassle of getting another car once we were home and recovered. I dread to think what might have happened if we didn't have belts or had kids in the car.

Point is, you just never know.

If he’s usually Mr Safety, I’d just take the angle that it’s important that putting on a seatbelt becomes automatic behaviour.

That way, nobody has to argue or save face over whether 600m or 20mph makes a difference.

Sometimes, I park and realise I need to straighten up a metre. I get back in my car and without thinking, on goes the seatbelt. For a METRE. That’s what he wants to instil in the kids, if he’s Mr Safety.

I see it with all the teens I give lifts to, for my two. Most it’s automatic behaviour, but some - it’s not. Does he want his teen one day to be one of the latter?

IME kids need consistency with rules like this. If you are allowing an exception for short trips be prepared for kids to prepare lots of other exceptions of the top of their head (often with no notice or nonsensical).

A young relative of mine fell out a car just a short distance down the road from the family home in the days before back seat belts were made a legal requirement.

To not make kids wear them now is absolutely shocking, never mind laugh it off. I'd never let the kids go with him again.

It's getting ridiculous, we're having this argument a few minutes at a time each time he comes back to load more equipment then drive off again.

I told him about the importance of consistency (thanks to those who recommended that approach), and he said but the car seat is isofix so it's locked in place. I said, well good, then the car seat will be nice and secure if you have an accident, our 4 year old will be through the wind screen, but at the least the car seat will be safe.

He's driven off again (both kids now safely strapped in) and I'm not going to discuss it with him til he's back properly, he's tired, hot and flustered moving all this equipment so I won't get a sensible response from him til he's finished.

I do think consistency is the key approach, I'm sure he'll listen to that. Apart from this one absurd, life threatening madness, he really is dad of the year so I'm sure I can talk sense into him if I get the facts and arguments right.

Regardless of how safe and risk free he might consider the roads to be, it's important to consolidate wearing a seatbelt as a non negotiable habit, it needs to be an automatic pavlovian response to getting in the car. An that's what he is robbing them of with his equivocation.

You might like to look up the statistics on where accidents occur and show your DH. Whilst fatalities occur mostly commonly in high speed collisions (motorways and A roads, particularly rural A roads) the majority of incidents occur close to the drivers home. I looked this up recently for other reasons. I can't remember the actual figures and dont have time to search just now sorry but it was something like a third of collisions occur within a mile of home, and another large percentage within 5 miles. They are less likely to be fatal, but that doesn't mean insignificant. I was hit by a driver a few minutes into a journey from his home and am still undergoing corrective surgery nearly 5 years later. For the few seconds it takes to put a seatbelt on why take additional risks?

If you want your kids to do this when they are older then say nothing

What if the police happen to be passing by and see the kids aren't strapped in?

It's absolutely stupid and irresponsible.

Why are the kids going with him each time? There is no way kids would be driven in my car without a seat-belt nor would I let them go into a car with someone who does not make sure their belts are on. No way would they be going to and fro bring machinery up the road.

They're going with him because they want to, and because he wants them to, and because they're now strapped in their car seats properly. I'm angry he did it, but he's not doing it now, and I'm not going to drag our kids kicking & screaming from the car, that would be upsetting for them and an overreaction from me as they are now both safe. The farm has ponies and a new litter of puppies the kids want to see, they're not helping move the machinery.

I will discuss it with DH when he's finished and we can talk properly.

I'd report her to the police for that without hesitation. What a very stupid woman she is, I'm not suprised you're upset by it.

My dad once had an eye operation. The chap in the bed opposite was there, eyes bandaged up, because he'd had an accident on his own driveway with no seatbelt on. (I didn't know the details - maybe wrong direction gear into a wall).

I'm sure I read most accidents happen within 100m of your home.
He is totally irresponsible.

rural roads have the highest fatality rate (…having done drivers awareness, twice,sorry) he might be doing 20 but that doesn’t make a jot of difference to the person hooning down the road doing 70 who might run into him,does it?

And if the worse did happen and he had a crash ,get him to think how that would feel.

Am I related to you? :) I was less than 200m from my house when the door catch failed and I fell out of the car and rolled down the road. I was also involved in a collision less than a mile from my house which left me needing my head stapled shut. Strangely I am absolutely obsessive about seatbelts.

4yo should still be rear facing, the law in this country is silly lax, which, when you’ve got seats tested to something silly like 30mph- so both cars in a collision doing half that, then you have to take responsibility for how safe they are. There are a fair few seats which offer rear facing until 5/6 years old.

your DP is being an idiot, I wouldn’t tolerate that.

If anyone spots them, they may inform police. He faces a fine of £500 for driving an unsecured child.

Thank you all for the advice. We discussed it calmly and I came at it from the consistency angle and he agreed it was important for them to never question if a seatbelt is needed. He's still quibbling a bit about 'no risk' but I think he's just trying to be right about something, even though he knows he's not. I've stressed strongly that it can't happen again, and I'm confident he's listened. Although I was also confident the first time it happened, so I'll be monitoring closely.

He is being stupid and irresponsible plus breaking the law. It is unsafe for them to be in the car without seat belts. End of.

My Aunty is in her 70s now and was a passenger in a car before seat belts were fitted in passenger seats. The car she was in was stationary at a set of lights. Another car hit them and she went straight through the windscreen. She was literally millimetres from being dead due to the slit in her throat. She lost her sight in one eye and then, in later life, developed MS.

Please don't risk it. It isn't worth it.

This is a really insightful point! Taking this onboard myself @allotment