Page 14 | Why aren't parents correcting their DC?

Meili04 · 2023-05-18T11:46:24+00:00

I just saw the DM article about an 11 year old boy being tasered for brandishing a knife over a tantrum in burger king. The mum said they were too harsh. I've seen this in my DDs school their child is a little angel and can do no wrong. If my child is mean to another child I correct the behaviour , if they rude I do the same. My DC is a human being with faults and isn't perfect 100 percent of the time, no person is. Why can some parents see no fault in their child? Our responsibility as parents is to bring up DC to be functioning adults who thrive. Treating DC as mini deities does them no favours. I think parenting is becoming too gentle. AIBU?

Garethkeenansstapler · 19/05/2023 18:28

Come to think of it where did he get the ‘butter’ knife?

Nicknacky · 19/05/2023 18:29

Garethkeenansstapler · 19/05/2023 18:28

Come to think of it where did he get the ‘butter’ knife?

According to mum he found it while he was running about the park……

MakesMeFeelSad · 19/05/2023 18:30

Let's be real, he must have taken it out with him. What are the chances of him finding a knife at 11 at night after having a tantrum about a burger

adriftinadenofvipers · 19/05/2023 18:34

jannier · 19/05/2023 09:44

But why was he carrying a knife of any sort....burger king don't have knives so for some reason this child is in a place where he carries a knife ....all be it this time a butter knife but one in the eye wouldn't be good. Does he feel unsafe does he use it to intimidate? We do know that knife carrying escalates if he's in the mind set its a cool thing to do why is that? If his parents can't talk him down why?

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Exactly.

The mindset behind the post behind you is one of the reasons why knife culture has been allowed to escalate - because there's wringing of hands and gnashing of teeth, and multiple excuses!

If in a year or two, he kills someone with a knife, will you make excuses for him then? This is very likely to be the beginning of a life of crime.

Original poster

Meili04 · 19/05/2023 18:39

Deadringer · 19/05/2023 18:18

Even if it was a proper knife, I would expect that number of police officers to be capable of disarming a child without resorting to tasering him. Anyway let's hope he has learned his lesson.

How its not possible without risk of injury to yourself or the person.

OP posts:

EilonwyWithRedGoldHair · 19/05/2023 18:42

BodegaSushi · 19/05/2023 17:32

That’s your child though. Most people wouldn’t put up with that behaviour from a random person

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That's the sort of attitude we're fighting though, that we're his parents so we have to put up with the completely unacceptable and try sodding mindfulness to cope with it.

Anyway, point was it would be considered unacceptable for us to punch our ten year old in the face, so I don't see why it would be ok for someone trained in restraint etc and with protective gear to do so.

Nicknacky · 19/05/2023 18:45

EilonwyWithRedGoldHair · 19/05/2023 18:42

That's the sort of attitude we're fighting though, that we're his parents so we have to put up with the completely unacceptable and try sodding mindfulness to cope with it.

Anyway, point was it would be considered unacceptable for us to punch our ten year old in the face, so I don't see why it would be ok for someone trained in restraint etc and with protective gear to do so.

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Police Scotland now incorporate training how to punch into its annual officer safety training. Punching, when justified, is a valid method of officer safety. It doesn’t look pretty, but force never does.

Aaaaandbreathe · 19/05/2023 18:46

TakeInIroning · 19/05/2023 18:09

@Aaaaandbreathe

If there was no real risk, why did his mother call the police.

I guess she wouldn't have done that if he was waving a tube of glitter around.

What do you think could be the explanation for that it, if as you say, it could have been easily handled? Would you call the police to deal with your child if his behaviour wasn't a danger to others? Of course not and nor would she!

Apparently she called them because he had ran off and he has disabilities. I've no idea whether that's true or not, that's from written reports and I'm going by the video as it's the only thing I've seen with my own eyes.
There is something very wrong for a child to behave like that. Yes, of course I would think to contact the police if my child was endangering others. I've been fortunate enough this has never been a possibility it would happen with mine. If it did, I would call them to help. After seeing this I may not as I wouldn't want my child tasered. He was not trying to attack anyone. If he was and they tried to defuse the situation in accordance with his needs but he was still intent on attacking someone, yes I would see that as a last resort. That's not what happened and it's not helped anyone. Looked more like they couldn't be bothered dealing with him anymore because he was being a cheeky git so tasered to stop it.

Arxx · 19/05/2023 18:49

I really don’t know why the whole attitude from parents has changed so much. The behaviour on the whole has also got so much worse as a separate issue but to have parents facilitating it just adds insult to injury. I have given up teaching because of it. Due to the attitude from parents we were having to sugarcoat everything so much that you’d be writing reports that could appear on paper like a child was doing great, when in reality they were launching things across a classroom and assaulting kids and staff. It just became so hard to keep going and I felt like I was lying to everyone and wasn’t allowed to ever tell the truth. As parents won’t take any responsibility, everything just becomes the teacher’s fault. It’s an impossible task

Nicknacky · 19/05/2023 18:55

Aaaaandbreathe · 19/05/2023 18:46

Apparently she called them because he had ran off and he has disabilities. I've no idea whether that's true or not, that's from written reports and I'm going by the video as it's the only thing I've seen with my own eyes.
There is something very wrong for a child to behave like that. Yes, of course I would think to contact the police if my child was endangering others. I've been fortunate enough this has never been a possibility it would happen with mine. If it did, I would call them to help. After seeing this I may not as I wouldn't want my child tasered. He was not trying to attack anyone. If he was and they tried to defuse the situation in accordance with his needs but he was still intent on attacking someone, yes I would see that as a last resort. That's not what happened and it's not helped anyone. Looked more like they couldn't be bothered dealing with him anymore because he was being a cheeky git so tasered to stop it.

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You don’t think police deal with cheeky kids every single day? It’s their bread and butter. And the officers know the scrutiny that comes after deploying taser, particularly to a child so is not a use of force used lightly.

it’s an instant referral to PIRC which is never a nice place to be, even when your actions are justified.

Original poster

Meili04 · 19/05/2023 19:02

Arxx · 19/05/2023 18:49

I really don’t know why the whole attitude from parents has changed so much. The behaviour on the whole has also got so much worse as a separate issue but to have parents facilitating it just adds insult to injury. I have given up teaching because of it. Due to the attitude from parents we were having to sugarcoat everything so much that you’d be writing reports that could appear on paper like a child was doing great, when in reality they were launching things across a classroom and assaulting kids and staff. It just became so hard to keep going and I felt like I was lying to everyone and wasn’t allowed to ever tell the truth. As parents won’t take any responsibility, everything just becomes the teacher’s fault. It’s an impossible task

I'm so sorry you have gone through that. I feel like the teachers are having to parent the kids. My daughters school did a PSHE lesson why the N word was bad as one of the 9/10 year old boys were saying it. They were drawing penises in the school toilets and urinating all over the bathroom so teacher was having to sort that out instead of teaching. I've had to pull her out and she's going to a different school.

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blackbeardsballsack · 19/05/2023 19:35

Some posters know nothing about the crimes that pre teens who have grown up without boundaries commit every day, and it shows. I wish some of you would come and work in child protection land for a week so that you could have your eyes opened to what some 11 and 12 year olds are capable of, and the teenagers and men that they inevitably grow up to be when they have been raised to feel immune from all consequences and to have no accountability. I am sure you would feel differently if one of these tiny little kids stabbed someone close to you. I am sure you would feel differently if, as an adult, they committed an awful crime. You would be harping on about all of the missed opportunities then.

Aaaaandbreathe · 19/05/2023 19:49

Nicknacky · 19/05/2023 18:55

You don’t think police deal with cheeky kids every single day? It’s their bread and butter. And the officers know the scrutiny that comes after deploying taser, particularly to a child so is not a use of force used lightly.

it’s an instant referral to PIRC which is never a nice place to be, even when your actions are justified.

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I understand that. But police are also human beings and make mistakes. I know a few officers irl, some are nice and some are absolute idiots who love the power.

I am absolutely not saying the boys behaviour was ok. If he was in arm span distance where they could potentially be hurt and they had already given him fair warning, then yes, it would have been reasonable.

He wasn't even in close enough distance to hurt anyone when they kept cornering him which is the point I'm trying to make. I might be wrong but I would hazard a guess in training it's to be used if there is no other option and/or physical threat. Being referred to PIRC won't be nice, neither will all the online hate this boy is getting or him being tasered. He needs to get help before he gets older and is a real danger. This wasn't the way to do it. If they'd had given fair warning I would get it. If he was in a position to hurt them I would get it. Neither of these things were true even if it was only a short video. That was the crucial point and the only bit that matters.

I do not see how it's helped anyone except people saying he got what he deserved because they'd do it to their own and he's a thug. Then people are saying that's why society is so bad these days. As far as I'm aware, lots of people millennium age upwards (downwards?) commit violent crimes despite corporal punishment being the default by parents at the time and before that, teachers plus parents. This isn't a boy who has ran out and slashed someone in the face, stabbed a teacher, shot a police officer. These are the youths you should be concerned about.

Realistically how do you think this has helped society? It's not going to change the behaviour without intervention. That boy will have his whole life tarnished by this video and these actions, but you're concerned about a referral or investigation which I'm guessing only is happening because there is good cause to do so? First step should always be help/support. After that if there is a danger to others then a different course of action needs taken. Lots of youths are bad because they've been taught that by parents. They're taught to hate authority, are neglected, unloved, live in poverty and there aren't enough support services. Some will never be helped but others will.

Compassion should be the starting point. Does everyone not treat their children with compassion and that's why they've turned out well and not having meltdowns with knives? I was going to say ND children excluded but he is so further proof he needs help. If he'd lunged at an officer, even at his size with a butter knife and them with stab proof vests, I wouldn't be questioning this.

Aaaaandbreathe · 19/05/2023 20:04

Arxx · 19/05/2023 18:49

I really don’t know why the whole attitude from parents has changed so much. The behaviour on the whole has also got so much worse as a separate issue but to have parents facilitating it just adds insult to injury. I have given up teaching because of it. Due to the attitude from parents we were having to sugarcoat everything so much that you’d be writing reports that could appear on paper like a child was doing great, when in reality they were launching things across a classroom and assaulting kids and staff. It just became so hard to keep going and I felt like I was lying to everyone and wasn’t allowed to ever tell the truth. As parents won’t take any responsibility, everything just becomes the teacher’s fault. It’s an impossible task

Very sorry to hear that. Strangely enough it bothers me that all I get are things sugar coated! None of my children have behavioural issues but they're not all as great at every subject as reports would have me believe. You feel as if you had to lie and I've felt I've been lied to, which doesn't help me help my child at all.

Original poster

Meili04 · 19/05/2023 20:25

Aaaaandbreathe · 19/05/2023 19:49

I understand that. But police are also human beings and make mistakes. I know a few officers irl, some are nice and some are absolute idiots who love the power.

I am absolutely not saying the boys behaviour was ok. If he was in arm span distance where they could potentially be hurt and they had already given him fair warning, then yes, it would have been reasonable.

He wasn't even in close enough distance to hurt anyone when they kept cornering him which is the point I'm trying to make. I might be wrong but I would hazard a guess in training it's to be used if there is no other option and/or physical threat. Being referred to PIRC won't be nice, neither will all the online hate this boy is getting or him being tasered. He needs to get help before he gets older and is a real danger. This wasn't the way to do it. If they'd had given fair warning I would get it. If he was in a position to hurt them I would get it. Neither of these things were true even if it was only a short video. That was the crucial point and the only bit that matters.

I do not see how it's helped anyone except people saying he got what he deserved because they'd do it to their own and he's a thug. Then people are saying that's why society is so bad these days. As far as I'm aware, lots of people millennium age upwards (downwards?) commit violent crimes despite corporal punishment being the default by parents at the time and before that, teachers plus parents. This isn't a boy who has ran out and slashed someone in the face, stabbed a teacher, shot a police officer. These are the youths you should be concerned about.

Realistically how do you think this has helped society? It's not going to change the behaviour without intervention. That boy will have his whole life tarnished by this video and these actions, but you're concerned about a referral or investigation which I'm guessing only is happening because there is good cause to do so? First step should always be help/support. After that if there is a danger to others then a different course of action needs taken. Lots of youths are bad because they've been taught that by parents. They're taught to hate authority, are neglected, unloved, live in poverty and there aren't enough support services. Some will never be helped but others will.

Compassion should be the starting point. Does everyone not treat their children with compassion and that's why they've turned out well and not having meltdowns with knives? I was going to say ND children excluded but he is so further proof he needs help. If he'd lunged at an officer, even at his size with a butter knife and them with stab proof vests, I wouldn't be questioning this.

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If an unsuspecting member of the other public stumbled upon this scene , do you think the boy would be calm? The polices job is to protect the public above protecting his feelings. He filmed the video and uploaded it himself.

People with severe LD and problems with managing emotions don't know how to upload a video to tiktok. They would struggle to film and hold the knife and threaten at the same time. Sequencing tasks is very difficult in people with severe LD. That boy is much more able than his mother is making out.

OP posts:

Original poster

Meili04 · 19/05/2023 20:28

Can I also say there's no approved techniques to disarm someone with sharps. It's basically self defence , breakaway and do whatever you can do within reasonable force, they are that dangerous. If it was a blunt weapon its much easier to restrain.

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Aaaaandbreathe · 19/05/2023 21:09

Meili04 · 19/05/2023 20:25

If an unsuspecting member of the other public stumbled upon this scene , do you think the boy would be calm? The polices job is to protect the public above protecting his feelings. He filmed the video and uploaded it himself.

People with severe LD and problems with managing emotions don't know how to upload a video to tiktok. They would struggle to film and hold the knife and threaten at the same time. Sequencing tasks is very difficult in people with severe LD. That boy is much more able than his mother is making out.

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If an unsuspecting member of the public was there and at risk then I would agree with the action being taken but they weren't so that's a moot point. Actions should be on the basis of the actual circumstances, not pretend ones.

And you clearly don't know anyone one with disabilities. I have a 20 year old with disabilities. She doesn't understand money, isn't legally allowed her own bank account without me being the named person (isn't even allowed her name on the card!), can't make a simple meal (unless you count a pot noodle or a sandwich), can't go anywhere herself because she has no sense of direction so no buses or even taxis without me sorting it, getting her in and having another adult with capacity at the other end who will then supervise. Is so vulnerable, my 8 year old is better at understanding a situation than she does.

But she can hold a conversation, has friends and even a boyfriend (also with disabilities) AND....knows how to upload a tiktok video!

Feel free to complain to the bank my DD can't have control of her own account because she can upload a ticktok video. Tell my DD she's not really got LD because of that. Tell the medical professionals who diagnosed her with ASD and LD that they're wrong, she knows about tiktok and how to upload videos.

I am sorry, I have had a full rant there and it's not your fault. It's ignorance which is also not your fault, it would be better to learn about these things though before condemning a child and accusing them of not really having LD.

jannier · 19/05/2023 21:29

I do wonder if the general population are aware of how many sexual assaults are committed by children in schools people seem very blinded to the extent assaults in general are committed by children not in gangs.

Aaaaandbreathe · 19/05/2023 21:29

Meili04 · 19/05/2023 20:25

If an unsuspecting member of the other public stumbled upon this scene , do you think the boy would be calm? The polices job is to protect the public above protecting his feelings. He filmed the video and uploaded it himself.

People with severe LD and problems with managing emotions don't know how to upload a video to tiktok. They would struggle to film and hold the knife and threaten at the same time. Sequencing tasks is very difficult in people with severe LD. That boy is much more able than his mother is making out.

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The video I watched also wasn't filmed by him.

Nicknacky · 19/05/2023 21:36

Aaaaandbreathe · 19/05/2023 21:29

The video I watched also wasn't filmed by him.

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The Daily Mail had the tik tok that he was recording.

Original poster

Meili04 · 19/05/2023 22:02

Aaaaandbreathe · 19/05/2023 21:09

If an unsuspecting member of the public was there and at risk then I would agree with the action being taken but they weren't so that's a moot point. Actions should be on the basis of the actual circumstances, not pretend ones.

And you clearly don't know anyone one with disabilities. I have a 20 year old with disabilities. She doesn't understand money, isn't legally allowed her own bank account without me being the named person (isn't even allowed her name on the card!), can't make a simple meal (unless you count a pot noodle or a sandwich), can't go anywhere herself because she has no sense of direction so no buses or even taxis without me sorting it, getting her in and having another adult with capacity at the other end who will then supervise. Is so vulnerable, my 8 year old is better at understanding a situation than she does.

But she can hold a conversation, has friends and even a boyfriend (also with disabilities) AND....knows how to upload a tiktok video!

Feel free to complain to the bank my DD can't have control of her own account because she can upload a ticktok video. Tell my DD she's not really got LD because of that. Tell the medical professionals who diagnosed her with ASD and LD that they're wrong, she knows about tiktok and how to upload videos.

I am sorry, I have had a full rant there and it's not your fault. It's ignorance which is also not your fault, it would be better to learn about these things though before condemning a child and accusing them of not really having LD.

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Again sure but as you will know people with LD vary with capacity. Just because someone has a LD does not mean they lack capacity to know right from wrong. Someone with severe LD who lacks capacity around violence etc wouldn't know how to sequence this much , film a live stream on tiktok while brandishing a knife and yelling abuse.

OP posts:

BashfulClam · 19/05/2023 22:04

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 18/05/2023 13:30

Did they tell him to put it down first? That would seem the key question.

They shouldn’t got straight in with a taser unless he was threatening someone with it and they assessed there was no time for a warning.

As with everything the exact circumstances matter

He was asked several times to put it down (bodycam footage) he replied ‘why should i?’

Original poster

Meili04 · 19/05/2023 22:04

Aaaaandbreathe · 19/05/2023 21:09

If an unsuspecting member of the public was there and at risk then I would agree with the action being taken but they weren't so that's a moot point. Actions should be on the basis of the actual circumstances, not pretend ones.

And you clearly don't know anyone one with disabilities. I have a 20 year old with disabilities. She doesn't understand money, isn't legally allowed her own bank account without me being the named person (isn't even allowed her name on the card!), can't make a simple meal (unless you count a pot noodle or a sandwich), can't go anywhere herself because she has no sense of direction so no buses or even taxis without me sorting it, getting her in and having another adult with capacity at the other end who will then supervise. Is so vulnerable, my 8 year old is better at understanding a situation than she does.

But she can hold a conversation, has friends and even a boyfriend (also with disabilities) AND....knows how to upload a tiktok video!

Feel free to complain to the bank my DD can't have control of her own account because she can upload a ticktok video. Tell my DD she's not really got LD because of that. Tell the medical professionals who diagnosed her with ASD and LD that they're wrong, she knows about tiktok and how to upload videos.

I am sorry, I have had a full rant there and it's not your fault. It's ignorance which is also not your fault, it would be better to learn about these things though before condemning a child and accusing them of not really having LD.

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LD is on a spectrum , live streaming a tik tok on its own fine. Live streaming, yelling and waving a knife doesnt scream PMLD or severe LD to me.

OP posts:

Sudokufail · 19/05/2023 22:06

junglejane66 · 18/05/2023 13:36

He probably won't do it again

This.

wildinthecountry · 19/05/2023 22:08

Arxx · 19/05/2023 18:49

I really don’t know why the whole attitude from parents has changed so much. The behaviour on the whole has also got so much worse as a separate issue but to have parents facilitating it just adds insult to injury. I have given up teaching because of it. Due to the attitude from parents we were having to sugarcoat everything so much that you’d be writing reports that could appear on paper like a child was doing great, when in reality they were launching things across a classroom and assaulting kids and staff. It just became so hard to keep going and I felt like I was lying to everyone and wasn’t allowed to ever tell the truth. As parents won’t take any responsibility, everything just becomes the teacher’s fault. It’s an impossible task

You're not kidding , it seems parents nowadays seem to think the world and his wife should put up with their badly behaved kids because well they are children .