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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to query petrol cost/donation?

56 replies

Mummyofdoggies · 17/05/2023 22:32

There is an event on 15 miles away, 2 days over the same weekend. Friend and I are due to go / taking children, but friend was already planning on driving. She has now offered to take both children and would be doing three round trips so total of 90 miles. No option of staying over. How much do people think is reasonable to give/offer as petrol money?

OP posts:
cadburyegg · 17/05/2023 22:38

I'd suggest around £10-£15

Badbudgeter · 17/05/2023 22:43

Would your friend take money? I wouldn’t for the same favour but I’d expect reciprocity somewhere down the line. Around £40 seems about right if they would prefer money. Ask though “can I give you some cash towards petrol”

Chocs, a bottle of whatever she drinks and an invitation to her child would be plan b

ISeeMisledPeople · 17/05/2023 22:47

Hmrc allow 45p per mile. Costs have risen, so say £45. Given that she was going anyway, maybe half, rounded up. £25?

Original poster
Mummyofdoggies · 17/05/2023 23:02

So trying to be impartial may have worded that slightly wrongly in that it is more the children that are friends....originally we were each going to take/collect our own child.

These kind of things are going to keep happening so for me I figured lifts would even out over time, and if she offered petrol, I would more than likely have declined or said to buy a coffee at some point type/or drink for child if out somewhere kind of thing. But I did offer to contribute to petrol, probably thinking she would approach it in the same way as me, but still would have happily paid something......she's suggested £30 which feels a but steep to me. She was going anyway and £30 is half a tank of petrol in my car which would get me a lot more than 90 miles....

OP posts:
SofiaSoFar · 17/05/2023 23:11

I'd say £30 is OTT for a 90 mile journey.

Thats 20 litres at £1.50 per litre. Most cars would easily do 170+ miles on that.

So even being very reasonable and covering more than half the fuel costs, £15 would be fair.

OnTheBoardwalk · 17/05/2023 23:14

Ah I love these threads. You can always tell the people who drive and the ones that don’t!

people who drive always go for the HMRC allowance which is fair. The people who don’t always say give her 50p and she should be thankful for my company and the door to door service she’s giving me and my child

randomuser2019 · 17/05/2023 23:17

This reply has been withdrawn

Removed at poster's request due to privacy concerns.

CuriousGeorge80 · 17/05/2023 23:17

Definitely shouldn’t be more than £20. Honestly for that I would do the driving myself, but I’m pretty petty 😂

cadburyegg · 17/05/2023 23:18

OnTheBoardwalk · 17/05/2023 23:14

Ah I love these threads. You can always tell the people who drive and the ones that don’t!

people who drive always go for the HMRC allowance which is fair. The people who don’t always say give her 50p and she should be thankful for my company and the door to door service she’s giving me and my child

I've had a full driving licence for 18 years 👍 the HMRC rate of 45p a mile would be appropriate if the driver was making the journey solely for the OP's child.

OnTheBoardwalk · 17/05/2023 23:20

Sorry just seen you could drive in your own car. Do the 3 round trips yourself for your child them you don’t have to pay her anything

Crinkle77 · 17/05/2023 23:22

OnTheBoardwalk · 17/05/2023 23:14

Ah I love these threads. You can always tell the people who drive and the ones that don’t!

people who drive always go for the HMRC allowance which is fair. The people who don’t always say give her 50p and she should be thankful for my company and the door to door service she’s giving me and my child

Errrmmm not true. I don't drive and would suggest half the petrol cost. I also lift share with someone from my work and give her far more than what was suggested on the website because for me the most important thing is the time saved not having to get public transport and the convenience. Don't tar is all with the same brush.

oviraptor21 · 17/05/2023 23:24

Somewhere between work expenses (25p per mile) and electric car charging for me (less than 5p per mile).

TheChosenTwo · 17/05/2023 23:25

I was going to suggest £30.
No idea how many miles that would buy me in reality, I just fill my car up when it’s empty and drive it until it needs filling up again,
really don’t pay attention to it.
But I would consider that a fair contribution to the fuel costs and the fact that it’s saving you the time and effort. that alone would be gold standard favour territory for me!
Oh, and I’d never take petrol from anyone for doing this sort of thing myself if I was going anyway but we’re all different and have different circumstances.

GlitteryUnicornSparkles · 17/05/2023 23:26

Obviously there will be varying factors with cost such as car size / engine size, fuel type and fuel efficiency of the vehicle but I went on holiday with a friend last august and it was just over 130 miles each way (so just over 260 miles total). My friend made sure her tank was full before we left, on arriving home we filled the tank back up to full and split the cost of the total amount used, it came to around £27 each and petrol was slightly higher then than it is now (Nissan Duke).

I work 14 miles away from home so have a daily commute of 28 miles there and back. A full tank of fuel costs me around £48 at current prices and lasts me around 10 days (280 ish miles give or take a few). I drive a Mazda 2.

Based on this £30 seems steep and would likely cover the full cost of fuel if not more than. I agree with the poster that said £10-£15.

Goldenboysmum · 17/05/2023 23:26

How is it 3 trips? If its 2 days, surely its there and back on day 1 and the same on day 2?

Anyway I work just under 20 miles from home, if I was doing a return journey 5 days a week £30 is more than enough

Original poster
Mummyofdoggies · 17/05/2023 23:28

@Goldenboysmum Only 3 trips because both children are being dropped off by an organisor near home on the second day :)

OP posts:
Southlandssue · 17/05/2023 23:30

I have been driving for 27 years and would never ask anyone for petrol money for a journey I was doing anyway.

A bottle of wine (or non alcoholic equivalent) would be nice if it was a one off but if it will even out over time then probably wouldn’t expect anything. Does she know you are happy to do the same in future, maybe she thinks you might not reciprocate but if you do, I guess she can pay up next time.

Shinyandnew1 · 17/05/2023 23:31

Why don’t you share the lifts?

UsingChangeofName · 18/05/2023 00:14

Ah I love these threads. You can always tell the people who drive and the ones that don’t!

people who drive always go for the HMRC allowance which is fair. The people who don’t always say give her 50p and she should be thankful for my company and the door to door service she’s giving me and my child

Nope. I drive and I wouldn't accept a penny for those trips. I'm going anyway and it doesn't cost anymore because there is a 2nd child in the car.
I wouldn't have thought to offer, tbh. Apart from anything else, there is no way she is spending £30, for petrol even if she is making the OP pay for all the fuel. She can't claim 'mileage' from a friend, or 'use her car for hire or reward' so the business mileage argument doesn't carry weight. The other parent will have a car whether or not this lift offer is accepted. No-one can seriously suggest they charge a friend for 'wear and tear', or other associated car owning costs, for giving their dc's friend a lift somewhere they were going anyway, surely ? Hmm

As pp have said, it would be nice if there were some offer of help from you at some point, but I still wouldn't be keeping count.

Have I missed why you don't take turns ?

Equalitea · 18/05/2023 06:59

I think the options would be, give her what she’s asked for or take the child yourself.

maddening · 18/05/2023 07:03

Put the trip in rac calculator and work out petrol cost and split that in 2, then maybe add on paking and a drink as she is doing you a favour.

RedRobin100 · 18/05/2023 07:08

closer to £20 sounds more appropriate

however in this case I’d probs just give her 30 to keep peace and not let that happen again - maybe just fome
to an agreement that you’ll take turns

Soontobe60 · 18/05/2023 07:08

Mummyofdoggies · 17/05/2023 23:02

So trying to be impartial may have worded that slightly wrongly in that it is more the children that are friends....originally we were each going to take/collect our own child.

These kind of things are going to keep happening so for me I figured lifts would even out over time, and if she offered petrol, I would more than likely have declined or said to buy a coffee at some point type/or drink for child if out somewhere kind of thing. But I did offer to contribute to petrol, probably thinking she would approach it in the same way as me, but still would have happily paid something......she's suggested £30 which feels a but steep to me. She was going anyway and £30 is half a tank of petrol in my car which would get me a lot more than 90 miles....

It’s not just the cost of the fuel, it’s the wear and tear on the car. Plus the convenience to you who wont need to spend that time ferrying your child around. £30 sounds a bargain to me!

TerfIngOnTheBeach · 18/05/2023 07:09

cadburyegg · 17/05/2023 23:18

I've had a full driving licence for 18 years 👍 the HMRC rate of 45p a mile would be appropriate if the driver was making the journey solely for the OP's child.

Show quote history

I agree, at the HMRC rate, the OP is picking up all the cost of fuel and wear and tear on the vehicle.

Driver, and car owner 38 years.

Personally, I prefer the take turns at driving and no money exchanges hands. What could be fairer?

fajitaaa · 18/05/2023 07:12

You've asked and she's offered £30 so I'd turn her down and say that's ok it will only cost me £20 in my car so I'll take my children myself