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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to query petrol cost/donation?

56 replies

Mummyofdoggies · 17/05/2023 22:32

There is an event on 15 miles away, 2 days over the same weekend. Friend and I are due to go / taking children, but friend was already planning on driving. She has now offered to take both children and would be doing three round trips so total of 90 miles. No option of staying over. How much do people think is reasonable to give/offer as petrol money?

OP posts:
Original poster
Mummyofdoggies · 18/05/2023 07:25

I couldn't do the second day as working but would have happily done the two trips for both girls on the first day, but she offered to do all the trips before I saw her and had chance to offer.

Assuming the event still happens, I am going to suggest I do the first day, (for no petrol charge!), and she do the second day of one trip. It just felt like I would be paying the total cost effectively...

OP posts:
Beautiful3 · 18/05/2023 07:41

ISeeMisledPeople · Yesterday 22:47
"Hmrc allow 45p per mile. Costs have risen, so say £45. Given that she was going anyway, maybe half, rounded up"

I agree with this, pay half so between £20-£25.

JustMarriedBecca · 18/05/2023 07:47

Mummyofdoggies · 18/05/2023 07:25

I couldn't do the second day as working but would have happily done the two trips for both girls on the first day, but she offered to do all the trips before I saw her and had chance to offer.

Assuming the event still happens, I am going to suggest I do the first day, (for no petrol charge!), and she do the second day of one trip. It just felt like I would be paying the total cost effectively...

I'd have said "Thanks for the offer of driving both days but happy to share and do the first day as I can't do the second".

Lots of lift sharing going on at our school for lots of different things. One picks up, one drops off. One drives one week, one drives the other.

I'd be pissed off about perceived profiting. It's not about the money to keep the peace it's about the fact she isn't willing to share the trips with you and then wants petrol money.

Amby1 · 18/05/2023 07:57

I'd say £15 - £20 tops. The 45p a mile thing is a bit extreme if she's doing the journey already for her own child. £15 will more than cover the fuel cost in its entirety unless she is driving some ridiculous fuel guzzler.

Equalitea · 18/05/2023 08:01

She’s doing you and your DC a favour if you can’t do the second day. If she didn’t take her could your DC go? It sounds like she’s providing childcare too.

I would do the first day and ask if she’d do the second day. Obviously no petrol money either way. If she didn’t want to do that then you could pay what she wants, or find someone else to take DC?

Shade17 · 18/05/2023 08:03

I wouldn’t accept a penny for such a short journey that I was doing anyway.

lightbulbmomentsintown · 18/05/2023 08:08

If I'd offered my friend a lift and hasn't asked for petrol costs up front, I wouldn't be expecting any. I definitely wouldn't be sitting down with a calculator working out pennies per mile + wear and tear + time costs. Do friends really do that to each other? 😂

OP, it's nice of you to offer though. In that scenario, I'd say £20 is fair but as your friend has now suggested £30, I'd just give her that for the sake of keeping things happy. At least now you know that if she offers help/lifts in future that her expectations are quite high.

Chocolatelabradorsarethebest · 18/05/2023 08:13

I wouldn’t ask for a penny if it was me.

I’m so glad my friendships aren’t as transactional as half of MN’s

Original poster
Mummyofdoggies · 18/05/2023 08:13

@Equalitea no, no child care, just literally dropping off for required time

OP posts:
Badbudgeter · 18/05/2023 08:18

I think £30 sounds fair. Think of it as paying half to petrol and half for a treat for her to say thank you.

Otherwise offer to do the first day. Or drive your own child the first day and ask her to do the second and give £10 to cover that journey.

TreesandFish · 18/05/2023 08:19

But the second day would never be just one trip. The driver still needs to come back, with or without children

piedbeauty · 18/05/2023 08:38

That would cost me less than £12 petrol in my car. She's being a bit greedy.

You could say to her, look, if we're each going to be driving the kids around we can either pay each other £30 each time, or nothing, as it will all work out fairly over time. See what she says.

goingtotown · 18/05/2023 08:40

I paid a taxi fare £14 for a 3 mile journey yesterday.

Butthatsnotmyname · 18/05/2023 08:45

I drive, and I would be grateful for an offer of petrol money but there's no way I'd take any! She was going anyway, what a CF.

If it really saved me time & effort though I'd pay it. But if it doesn't bother you, just taue then yourself as it'll be cheaper.

HairyMcHairyFace · 18/05/2023 08:55

TreesandFish · 18/05/2023 08:19

But the second day would never be just one trip. The driver still needs to come back, with or without children

It's a drop-off, pick-up thing so on the first day the mum will do four journeys in total and on the second day only two.

SallyWD · 18/05/2023 08:59

My DH frequently shares lifts with a friend to a location 200 miles away. They use an online petrol calculator that tells you the cost of petrol for any journey. You put in the route and it calculates the cost based on today's petrol costs. There are loads of these online. Just Google. It's better than trying to guess and one party feeling like they're being ripped off.

prescribingmum · 18/05/2023 09:06

Chocolatelabradorsarethebest · 18/05/2023 08:13

I wouldn’t ask for a penny if it was me.

I’m so glad my friendships aren’t as transactional as half of MN’s

100% this. I happily do other parents a favour and they me with no expectation of anything in return. Will buy them a drink/coffee when we are out but I trust it to even itself out

In this case, I would take the children one day and other parent the next so that both get a break. It makes sense not to take both cars there

AnotherDayAnotherUsernameForMe · 18/05/2023 09:08

Badbudgeter · 18/05/2023 08:18

I think £30 sounds fair. Think of it as paying half to petrol and half for a treat for her to say thank you.

Otherwise offer to do the first day. Or drive your own child the first day and ask her to do the second and give £10 to cover that journey.

My car guzzles fuel and would do 90miles for just over £20. Surely if the mum wants petrol costs thats £10 each MAX for the 90miles not the 30miles?

My general attitude is we were going anyway, happy to take another kid. It all works out over time etc. I would rather drive my child both days, spend £20 on fuel and £10 on takeaway coffee than effectively pay someone to drive my child under the guise of a kind offer.

2chocolateoranges · 18/05/2023 09:13

£30 is a bit steep. For £40 my car gets 340miles!

id suggest you both do a day each and that way you are helping each other out.

Shade17 · 18/05/2023 09:46

My car guzzles fuel and would do 90miles for just over £20

That’s around 26mpg assuming it’s petrol based on current prices, hardly guzzling! Something thirsty would cost more than £50 to do 90 miles!

lovemelongtime · 18/05/2023 09:58

fajitaaa · 18/05/2023 07:12

You've asked and she's offered £30 so I'd turn her down and say that's ok it will only cost me £20 in my car so I'll take my children myself

This

Shinyandnew1 · 18/05/2023 10:14

It's a drop-off, pick-up thing so on the first day the mum will do four journeys in total and on the second day only two.

In that case would it make more sense to share the driving so the friend isn’t doing repeated journeys? Apologies if I’ve missed why this can’t happen.

GrainOfSalt · 18/05/2023 10:45

Confirm you'll send her the 15 quid (on the assumption the 30 was between you) if she queries it then question if the 90 miles could cost 60 quid. You don't pay her for her time or wear and tear, she is not a taxi, it is not a business

SofiaSoFar · 18/05/2023 15:49

Shade17 · 18/05/2023 09:46

My car guzzles fuel and would do 90miles for just over £20

That’s around 26mpg assuming it’s petrol based on current prices, hardly guzzling! Something thirsty would cost more than £50 to do 90 miles!

I think you're over egging that a bit. £50 to do 90 miles is around 12mpg.

You'd be hard pushed to find anything that would get down to 12mpg these days, unless driving like an absolute lunatic in something extremely bad on fuel.

Shade17 · 19/05/2023 07:57

SofiaSoFar · 18/05/2023 15:49

I think you're over egging that a bit. £50 to do 90 miles is around 12mpg.

You'd be hard pushed to find anything that would get down to 12mpg these days, unless driving like an absolute lunatic in something extremely bad on fuel.

Show quote history

I’m using a personal car as an example. A short mixed journey of maybe 15 miles as described by the OP returns approximately 12 mpg. Round town it’s more like 6-8 mpg. It turns huge quantities of super unleaded into noise!