Was I racist?

[Imaginationcreation]

I’m asking if aibu, because if so then of course I will apologise and educate myself further.

I live in a house share and have done for around 3 years. Around 3 months ago, lovely tenant moved in to replace someone else and we get on fine, in fact I’d say we were sort of becoming friends. She is of Indian descent ( I believe this is relevant).

HM (housemate) likes to cook with lots of spices, and makes delicious food (has cooked for us all) and uses a lot of strong garlic, turmeric and other spices.

The issue is is that the smell of this cooking is so overwhelming that it’s started to get into the furniture and onto mine and other HM’s clothes. For example, I used to keep my coat in the hallway on a peg but it now smells so strongly of cooking and these spices from the kitchen and someone even commented at work. It seems for some reason to linger for days. I would feel the same about any cooking smell etc such as bacon or whatever If that was lingering on.

Anyway, the other day I went to make a coffee in the morning before work and again when I got into the car I noticed that my handbag even smelt of cooking/food and these spices - so next time when my HM was cooking, I did go in and open a window to sort of air it out and she asked what I was doing, and I explained I was just trying to air out the cooking smell as it lasts a few days usually.

Now my offhand stupid comment has upset my HM and she messaged me later on to say this was food from her culture and she thinks that I was racist by trying to air it out and make her feel uncomfortable for cooking it and she has even messaged the landlord and accused me of racism.

I just feel beyond upset as that wasn’t my intention, and I don’t know how to proceed as she has blocked me on everything and is actively avoiding me in the house now. I just work in a professional role and really don’t want my things to smell of any food at all or for others to notice.

So was I racist to mention the cooking smell? And if so, how do I re-educate myself and apologise without seeming insincere?

YABU for thinking that you need to reeducate yourself.
She has a right to be offended.
You have a right to say you don’t like everything you own to stink.

I think this is really difficult. I had a colleague once (teacher) that tried to insinuate that a child was being neglected because their clothes smelled of Indian food (the child was Asian) which I thought was quite an insulting thing to say, so I can understand why your housemate is sensitive about it. No particular advice but your explanation does not sound unreasonable and I hope you can manage to sort it out.

Luckily she didn't say that everything she owned stank, otherwise that would be really out of order.

Your housemate is being oversensitive. It's not racist to dislike the smell of strong spices, especially when it permeates your belongings.

It's not racist to open a window because a smell lingers.

It’s an incredibly tough situation I agree because she is offended but ultimately I don’t want to go to work smelling of food whether this be spices or bacon or anything.

This 👆
I would hate my clothes to smell of any cooking, just like I would hate them to smell of smoke. You have a right to open the window, and when she asked you why you were truthful.

I don't think you were racist, but opening the windows, rather than speaking to her first to ask if she minds, was at the least impolite (I say this as someone who cooks spicy food, and whose husband annoys me by switching on the extractor rather than asking me to do so. Perhaps I'm too easily offended too, for that matter ).

The world has gone mad now really, it's racist to open a window to air a kitchen whilst cooking a curry.

I'm Indian and I air my kitchen/ house to stop it smelling of cooking. Not at all racist

I hate the smell of a "traditional" English Sunday dinner/Christmas dinner. I have been known to have to go stand in the back garden on a freezing cold xmas day because the stink is doing my head in.
I am English.
It's not racist to dislike certain food smells.

Not racist at all.

If you live in a shared space then it's unreasonable to do anything that constantly intrudes on other people's senses (anything that smells strong, noisy, looks messy etc).

For gods sake have we really come to this . Stop the crap about educating yourself . You aren't a nasty person , people make mistakes . No one wants their clothes stinking of anything whether that be spices or smoke or fox poo.

Your housemate sounds like a dick - she actually told the landlord you were racist for that comment? Madness! And I say that as someone of S Asian descent.

You don’t need to “educate yourself” 🤔

You have done nothing wrong. My mum is Asian and I hate it when she is cooking as she opens every door and window in the house, as she is paranoid about everything smelling of curry.

Your flat mate sounds rude and selfish to me. Not you.

No, you were not racist. You just don't want cooking smells lingering. We sometimes come in our home and can smell last night's dinner and straight away it's a candle on, window open. Not spices but just food smells.

I would not beat myself up about it. Certainly don't prostrate yourself begging her forgiveness. Sharing a space is about compromise, she wants it all her own way. I wouldn't want to be around her, too much like hard work.

Shame on her calling that racism. It cheapens the words and the deeds of real racism.

Should always have windows open when cooking. No you're not being racist, we cook a lot of spicy food and know the smell is strong so just open the windows, like we do when cooking fish, well anything really, so the smell isn't overpowering. Does anyone really cook without windows open? X

She's being ridiculous and obviously has no sense of smell. I often cook carribean food and have all the windows open in the kitchen and door closed.
I had neighbours that lived on deep fat fried food and you could smell it through the walls in my old home.

Ethnic minority woman here. No it was not racist

Well..I'm of Indian descent, I leave my suit jacket/other clothes in the car when I visit relatives, I know the smell will permeate and I don't like it
It's not racist, your flatmate should be more mindful of her cooking and effects
I found a window/door to garden helps and I also burn a candle near the cooker which helps eliminate the odours
I get the same thing if I eat in a café where the cooking is in an enclosed area. I hope you can work it out 🙏

Not at all racist. Some food smells linger - fish for instance. You wouldn't want your clothes to smell of fish, nor of bacon, or curry.

She's being over sensitive. Hopefully she'll realise.

I would probably have spoken to her first, rather than just opening the windows which I can see coming across as a bit passive aggressive. But no way is it racist. I used to work in a college that had an amazing community cafe in it. A few days a week parents made amazing curries, but I lost count of the number of staff and student complaints about the smell and their clothes smelling. They were all from the same background. They were furious about the lack of ventilation. Strong smelling foods need a window open/a good extractor fan. That’s not racist.

It's actually the oil that creates the smell. Spicy foods cooked in oil - especially deep fried - do leave traces on furnishings and clothes. It is the same with bacon. People often reuse oil over and over again and keep a deep frying pan that doesn't get washed, only wiped.

The thing is, food and smells are very evocative for many people. Strongly smelling foods mean familiarity, home, culture, family and by objecting to the smell, people think you are being hostile to those very personal aspects too.

I love spices in food and cherish many of my lovely Indian/Pakistani mother-in-law's recipes, but if I come across the smell of fried food that has gone stale on someone's coat when I'm out, I feel nauseated. Whether it's bacon, chips, samosas or anything else, it's nasty.

My husband makes the best pakoras in the world, but will only cook them rarely, with the back door and windows wide open, no matter the weather.

Especially if someone is sharing a house, if they want to deep fry, they need to ventilate the kitchen, use an extractor and keep doors to the rest of the house closed.

It's not racist.

To be fair it sounds like she'd have accused the OP of being racist anyway if she'd have spoken to her