Was I racist?

[Imaginationcreation]

I’m asking if aibu, because if so then of course I will apologise and educate myself further.

I live in a house share and have done for around 3 years. Around 3 months ago, lovely tenant moved in to replace someone else and we get on fine, in fact I’d say we were sort of becoming friends. She is of Indian descent ( I believe this is relevant).

HM (housemate) likes to cook with lots of spices, and makes delicious food (has cooked for us all) and uses a lot of strong garlic, turmeric and other spices.

The issue is is that the smell of this cooking is so overwhelming that it’s started to get into the furniture and onto mine and other HM’s clothes. For example, I used to keep my coat in the hallway on a peg but it now smells so strongly of cooking and these spices from the kitchen and someone even commented at work. It seems for some reason to linger for days. I would feel the same about any cooking smell etc such as bacon or whatever If that was lingering on.

Anyway, the other day I went to make a coffee in the morning before work and again when I got into the car I noticed that my handbag even smelt of cooking/food and these spices - so next time when my HM was cooking, I did go in and open a window to sort of air it out and she asked what I was doing, and I explained I was just trying to air out the cooking smell as it lasts a few days usually.

Now my offhand stupid comment has upset my HM and she messaged me later on to say this was food from her culture and she thinks that I was racist by trying to air it out and make her feel uncomfortable for cooking it and she has even messaged the landlord and accused me of racism.

I just feel beyond upset as that wasn’t my intention, and I don’t know how to proceed as she has blocked me on everything and is actively avoiding me in the house now. I just work in a professional role and really don’t want my things to smell of any food at all or for others to notice.

So was I racist to mention the cooking smell? And if so, how do I re-educate myself and apologise without seeming insincere?

To give her the benefit of the doubt, she’s probably just a bit shocked / embarrassed. She’ll likely cool off.

You know you aren’t being unreasonable. So be firm. Do not apologise. There need to be some ground rules about opening the window and turning on the blower when she’s cooking and leaving it airing after.

@Redebs thinking back the smell was unmistakably oily. That must have been it. Never thought about the oil but you are so right.

Absolutely not.

My DF makes fish and liver/onions. If I go in I ask to open window as I can't stand the smell.

If I make a fry up at home I open the windows in fact I do if I make Sunday lunch, curry, bolegnese anything. I don't like my house to smell of any food regardless what it is.

You didn't insult her cooking and don't need to keep up this stuff about educating yourself and apologising.

She lives in a shared house. There's nothing wrong with her food but if it smells strongly of anything, be that fried fish, onion, spices, bacon, bbq, then she needs to mitigate that so other household members' clothes and the furnishings do not smell of it. Opening a window when cooking would be a basic courtesy.

Think this through. What here could be racist about not wanting other people's cooking smells to permeate when this can be prevented?

It isn't racist to open a window. Nor does it mean that you don't appreciate the food of her culture. I often have a window open to help clear or minimise cooking aroma and I don't cook that much spicy food. I am not of Indian heritage, if that matters to anyone.

I think she is being a bit hypersensitive here. I wonder if with hindsight it would have been better to just say you were opening the window to let in some fresh air? Though I am sure that some of the professionally offended could find fault with that too.

No racist at all.
Your HM is over sensitive.
She's weaponising this against you. Tell her you are sorry that you have offended her you didn't mean to and then stop pandering to her ice cold treatment.

She definitely took it the wrong way, though it can happen. I also believe it's common knowledge that some spices and food can get into things so she shouldn't be surprised that the house needs airing out. I'd go as far as saying she should've actually agreed with you.

However it depends on the relationship you have with her and her perception of where you were coming from.

You weren't racist at all because it isn't only Indian food that can do this but because she's perceived you as coming from that angle, I'd try to explain this to her in the way you've done here. It's then up to her to understand or not and you both can laugh it off and move on.

Don't apologise. Tell her that her cooking is excellent and it's nothing personal but the smells were getting into your belongings and all she needs to do is open the window and put the fan on. She might have felt embarrassed, especially because you opened the window yourself instead of asking her to (which would have been more tactful) but she has gone too far in escalating this to your LL so you don't owe her an apology.

I cannot understand how this is racist and I'm so sorry that you've been made to feel like this.
Everyone has a right to open a window.

So many of my Indian friends complain that when they visit their parents they have to keep their coats upstairs. Many homes have regular kitchens and a small "spice" kitchen (curry making)

Ergo these actions do not make you a racist

I don't believe you were being racist.

However, I have heard the smell of South Asian cooking being used by actual racists in the past as one of the reasons they don't want to live alongside S. Asian people. So she may be quite sensitive about this because of the way it has been weaponised historically.

I cook my culture's foods with very strong spices which have very strong smells. I always need to move the coat hanger into a different room otherwise, everything will be covered in overwhelming smells. Your housemate is being oversensitive. Not sure what you can do for someone who will be offended anyway.

I wonder what your landlord will say. I hope it's something like "well I hope you're airing out the building when something strong smelling has been cooking".

She's being over sensitive.

It's so much easier when you limit how close you get to other cultures and ideologies etc, especially in this day and age where people are just looking to make accusations.

You're not being racist to want to have the windows open when someone is cooking. That's just common sense.