To want DH to tell me in advance if he's coming home early?

[ThePartyArtist]

DH has got home from work an hour early the last few nights. Obviously great but I'd appreciate notice because then I could cook for the whole family in one sitting at 5.15, rather than son at 5 and DH and me at 6.15. Without notice, I'm obviously preparing for 2 sittings. He doesn't get why I'm asking for notice! He says I should just eat with DS but then I still have to think about leaving his, only to find that was actually unnecessary as he's home shortly after we eat.

I have never been in to all that “ keeping my man fed and watered “ shit. Sod that. Maybe as you have cooked for the kids he can do the second sitting. If he’s home early he won’t be tired. As long as my children get food I’m ok with my DH fending for himself frankly. Same goes for laundry. His mother thinks I do all his washing and ironing- I’ve told her that is just a story she’s telling herself but she can’t get her head round the fact that 2 people work full time in responsible jobs but the woman isn’t running around doing everything for some overgrown baby man . DH isn’t like that but in her head he’ll always be one of the menz

If as a family the OP prioritised family meal times they’d eat all together when her DH came in as standard rather than this whole staggered affair.

I don’t think you’re winning any equality prizes with the you doing all your shit plus all the DC shit while the man “fends for himself”

Your way isn’t the only way and the fact some families have different divisions of labour in which one partner does all or most of the cooking doesn’t make it into the “woman running around doing everything for some overgrown baby man”

YABU for having two sittings in the first place.
Just eat together - as a pp said, it isn't like he isn't getting in until 8.30 or something.

Even if he were needing to eat a lot later, I still don't understand why you've be cooking twice, surely he just warms it through when he gets home.

However, on the question you asked, yes, YABU to expect you dh to need to make an appointment to walk in to his own home.

He's not in from work particularly late so why are you cooking two meals a night?

Cook for 6.15 and everyone can eat together. If he's home later than that he can heat it up.

Like PP we also don't have two sitings of dinner. Everyone eats together.

Yes agree, that would be the ideal. Maybe OP has some obscure reason for usually serving 2 meals an hour apart, do her kids have to get up super early and have to be in bed by 6pm or something?! 😅

We eat around 6pm and honestly I'd love to feed everyone an hour earlier because bedtime is always a mad rush... But I still prefer it that way than feeding people in dribs and drabs and never sitting up at the table together.

OP does your DH see absolutely no value in sitting down with you and the kids for the evening meal...? Mine would quite frankly happily grab a sandwich or a pizza on the run if left to himself, but he thankfully respects that it's important to me that we sit up together when possible, so that's mostly what happens.

We eat at 515. Dh gets in between 550 and 630. He reheats his.

6:15 isn't too late for children to eat. Give them a snack to tide them over if they need it.

YABU. It’s just something extra for him to think about. Either cook for everyone all at once (I really can’t see why you’d do 2 settings anyway since they are so close together) or eat at your planers time anyway.

That sounds a faff. Why not all eat at 6.30pm?

To be fair it’s not hard to send a quick text when you leave work.

my twins were in bed by 6.30 at the latest when they were about 2-7 yo as they got up stupidly early (and yes i tried adjusting bed times etc) so they’d be falling asleep in their dinner if I waited for their dad to be home. So sometimes it’s not about that.

Any thoughts OP on the vast majority suggesting you all eat together?

I don't really see this as a situation that requires sittings, it's three people's dinner. Pick a time he's usually home by, and do dinner for that time.

DC get a snack if they can't wait. It's good to eat together as they get older especially.

If he's not home he can warm it up when he is. If he doesn't want to warm it up maybe he can ring you when he's heading back.

Everybody happy.

Why are you having two sittings of dinner anyway? Surely 6.15 is early enough that your son could eat then too.

Cant you just tell him to text you if he leaves early as you’d like to eat together.

Jesus wept

If the eating together is what is important to you then start all having dinner at 6:15 when your husband is home.

No way would I want to eat my dinner at 5.15. That’s really early for an adult. So would have 2 sittings anyway no matter what time DH turned up

I love DP, it’s his house, he can come home whenever he wants.

But that doesn’t mean my brain is going to like it 😂

Sometimes I need that extra bit of time to shift from work/kids into ‘happy to talk to others’ and I can be quite irritated if he arrives home early because my mind isn’t yet ready to receive him and his day/dramas.

YABU to cook twice. But YANBU to say ‘hey next time you’re leaving early if you give me a heads up I’ll cook tea for us all together’.

This really is a case of both of you creating a problem thst shouldn't even exist.

It's not like he's often late or early.

Just eat at 6.30pm. Done. Problem disappears with no great cost or inconvenience.

This is what I did. He just turns up early though which throws dinner plans.

If dinner is at say, 6.15 which his the time he is usually home by therefore the time you usually eat all together, and he walks in at 5.15 without calling to warn you, then hand him a potato peeler and go and get in the bath.

I'm not sure this is throwing dinner plans, it's just two adults and a child living in a house and needing to eat at some point.

He doesn’t need to be giving you notice of when he comes homes. You also don’t need to cook twice, you can leave him something to reheat or he can make his own dinner. I would not be eating dinner at 5pm anyway, most grown ups eat later.

A bit of both to be honest.

YABU because why should he give notice that he's coming back to his own home.
YANBU because it's extra work for you.

Best option , he knows the dinner plans in advance.
If he is late home then he can sort his own dinner or reheat what you made earlier. If he's unexpectedly early then he might have to go and make his own while you and DS eat what you've already made for the two of you.