To want DH to tell me in advance if he's coming home early?

[ThePartyArtist]

DH has got home from work an hour early the last few nights. Obviously great but I'd appreciate notice because then I could cook for the whole family in one sitting at 5.15, rather than son at 5 and DH and me at 6.15. Without notice, I'm obviously preparing for 2 sittings. He doesn't get why I'm asking for notice! He says I should just eat with DS but then I still have to think about leaving his, only to find that was actually unnecessary as he's home shortly after we eat.

Not unreasonable.

Really wouldn't take him more than a couple of seconds to leave you a voice note saying "hi babe gonna be home at 5 instead of 6 today".

Only common courtesy, isn't it?

Even if she does only cook once and leave DH's to warm up later, it still makes sense for him to say if he'll be home early so they can eat together...? Rather than him turning up literally 15 minutes after she and the kids have eaten.

If my husband asked me to do that I'd laugh, equally, I cook once, you can warm your own dinner or cook yourself.

All eat together is surely the answer.
Why does DC have to eat at 17.00 ?

I had to check the calendar to make sure it was 2023.

Well, it depends doesn't it? If she's a stay at home mum and the child is old enough, then why wouldn't she cook dinner?

Why? Did you think there would be only robots cooking dinner every day? The reality is both men and women cook dinner for their wife/husband and children every day.

This is what i meant.

YABU as you are cooking twice when you really don't need to.

Can he not just bung it in the microwave either way? Sounds like a drama over nothing.

Depends how much notice he has that he will be home early, I’ve had jobs where until five minutes to 5pm I couldn’t tell you if my 5pm meeting was going forward or not and so literally wouldn’t know if I’d be home at 6pm or 7pm until 5pm.

It’s not a case of ‘cooking her husband’s dinner’ , it’s cooking a meal for everyone.
Only on Mumsnet do I hear of families where everyone cooks for themselves and does their own washing. It’s so mean spirited. I don’t understand why people bother being in a family if this is how they operate. Maybe the OP doesn’t currently work outside the home. Maybe they divide labour in a way which suits them

You eat with the kid, he can cook his own

Just eat at quarter past 6.

Firstly I'd only expect someone to text if they're going to be late and know they'd be missing dinner, and secondly I would like to be able to turn up at my own house without notice so I'd find it quite annoying to have to say if I'm going to be early each time.

It’s strange isn’t it? Like the opposite of communal living. Reminds me of kitchen mates in Uni housing- not a family.

My DH does cook his own meal after I've cooked and I find that annoying as well!! 🤣
(Because he leaves the kitchen in a state and uses 78 pans and utensils for a meal for 1)

And maybe those awful 'mean spirited' non-families operate in a way that suits them? Or is that only OK if they're doing it in a way you can personally comprehend?🤔

Just serve it at 5.20 or 5.30 or something. That way if he’s home he can eat with you and if not he can warm it up when he gets in. I don’t get the issue.

This is such a non event.

So you’d just eaten, then he comes in 15mins later and reheats his, so you don’t physically eat at the same time?

I honestly can’t even understand why it warrants thinking much about.

It all depends on whether you value family mealtimes or not. If you don't see the point in the whole family sitting up and eating together in the evening, then I guess it is a "non event".

Another who doesn't understand why you don't all eat at around 6.30 so you can eat together as a family most nights. We like eating together and chatting about our day, have done since DC weaned. If someone is late then they can reheat their portion.

I appreciate your DC might be used to eating earlier but you can change that (if very young, push back 10 minutes a day etc. give a small snack late afternoon).

I would find it annoying to be asked exactly when I'm getting home every night. I can see that you'd like to eat with him, but you need to find a way of working that doesn't involve policing his ETA. Better to find a compromise, e.g. you eat when you want to eat, and he heats his meal up as and when he gets in.

Why not? Depends on the circumstances doesn't it. DH cooks for us 99 days out of 100.

He gets home earlier, he loves cooking, I hate cooking. I do other household tasks for both of us in exchange.

OP, cook for all 3 of you and if he's there he's there, if he's not then he re-heats.

But if family mealtime was valued they would all be eating together at 6.15 as standard

Depends if it’s a regular thing and how much notice you want