Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to wish dh would be a bit kinder about this?

51 replies

Damnspot · 17/05/2023 15:54

I've been signed off work for 3 weeks as I have an unstable fracture at the top of my arm. I can't drive. I'm usually really tough but this has thrown me and I'm really tired and basically just pottering around the house not doing very much at all. I'm sleeping sitting up on the sofa as recommended by the consultant which actually isn't too bad but obviously I'm not sleeping that well. Consultant told me yesterday that I had to really be careful as if it moves I'll need an operation- it's fine as long as I keep it in the sling.

Dh is fed up. He's having a shit time at work and is really stressed and I think he really resents me sitting at home getting paid for doing nothing (I work part time). The first thing he asks when he gets in is what have I done that day. I can tidy the kitchen, unload the dishwasher. I've done an online shop and out it away. I can do bits and pieces of tidying but can't use one arm obviously so can't fold etc.

He hasn't actually said anything other than ask what I've done and then stalk off. I asked him if he wanted to watch TV last night and he said no I have too much to do and then proceeded to huff about putting laundry away then sitting on his phone 😑

I have a teen dd who is getting lifts back from school from a friend, she's been brilliant and really helpful and kind.

Aibu to feel a bit sorry for myself and to wish dh could be kinder? I've also started to feel really really guilty as I know he's stressed at work (it's quite serious stress) and I can't be much practical help. I'm really trying to stay cheerful and positive but he seems resentful of that too.

OP posts:
wildfirewonder · 17/05/2023 15:56

I think you're being too generous towards him. He's being a bit of a moody cunt, I'd tell him straight.

You're properly injured with risk of needing surgery. He needs to buck his ideas up.

Original poster
Damnspot · 17/05/2023 15:58

wildfirewonder · 17/05/2023 15:56

I think you're being too generous towards him. He's being a bit of a moody cunt, I'd tell him straight.

You're properly injured with risk of needing surgery. He needs to buck his ideas up.

This made me lol. He definitely is being a moody cunt.

OP posts:
raincamepouringdown · 17/05/2023 16:00

I'd quietly ask him why he's being a total d*ck to someone he is supposed to love and care about. You have a serious injury ... which you're trying to take care of so you're not completely out of action for a lot longer if you end up needing surgery.

bluebeck · 17/05/2023 16:01

My XH was always an utter cunt if I were unwell.

One of the reasons he is an XH

MissMarplesGoddaughter · 17/05/2023 16:01

Your DH is not a kind man.

Ignore him, follow your consultant's instructions and concentrate on getting better

Fruitful82 · 17/05/2023 16:01

Were you asking how to lose weight whilst at home with a broken arm? Another thread.
op at home, broken arm and didn’t drive

Original poster
Damnspot · 17/05/2023 16:01

He's very good at just not saying anything at all. That way you can't accuse him of anything. He just sulks and goes quiet.

OP posts:
Fruitful82 · 17/05/2023 16:02

and she also had one daughter and had been signed off for 3 weeks

explains why you need easy food and had been living on toast. What a twat.

MammaTo · 17/05/2023 16:27

Ignore him and stop pandering to him.

fajitaaa · 17/05/2023 16:30

Oh he's being nasty. Upset because he has to get off his arse and do the hard graft. You aren't his maid. I'd be tempted to work out if you can leave him you're both going to get older and with that comes illness etc.

Softdough · 17/05/2023 16:35

Bloody hell OP I had emergency surgery 2 weeks ago my DH has been nothing but kind caring and helpful despite having a very senior and stressful job. I still feel guilty that he is having to do everything but he tells me this is what he signed up for. We've been together 20 years, through sickness and in health, I would feel really upset if he was behaving like that

DamnAndDashIt · 17/05/2023 16:37

He's being a shit. And I bet he wouldn't like his friends and family to know how he's acting.

MiniCooperLover · 17/05/2023 16:39

Basically he's annoyed he's having to 'do stuff' that he considers beneath him, next time he starts huffing tell him he's embarrassing himself by how little he seems to care for your pain and discomfort and it's really opened your eyes to a part of his personality you don't much like.

tattygrl · 17/05/2023 16:43

Tbh this would be inexcusable to me. Fine for him to feel tired at taking on a few extra tasks, we're all only human and feel fried after a day of work; but that's VERY different from the way he's behaving.

OP, what about if you took this opportunity to ask him why he's being like this, and if he fails to say anything in response, as why he won't respond? What are his good qualities? I really couldn't be with someone like this. One of my joys is looking after my partner when he's not well or injured, or tired, or even just as a treat. I love it when he looks after me, too. I couldn't be with someone as cold as this.

tattygrl · 17/05/2023 16:43

MiniCooperLover · 17/05/2023 16:39

Basically he's annoyed he's having to 'do stuff' that he considers beneath him, next time he starts huffing tell him he's embarrassing himself by how little he seems to care for your pain and discomfort and it's really opened your eyes to a part of his personality you don't much like.

This with bells on!!

BronwenFrideswide · 17/05/2023 16:44

Ask him straight out if he would like you to go against your Consultant's explicit instructions, mess the healing of your fracture up, require an operation to fix that and be out of action for even longer.

If he answers of course not then tell to stop being such a nasty, miserable arse.

jannier · 17/05/2023 16:53

Next time he asks the answer is board stiff following doctor's orders and not getting proper sleep but I guess it's better than the 6 months recovery plus physio you will need to drive me too if I don't listen and try to do housework etc.

He's a selfish moody git

ClementWeatherToday · 17/05/2023 16:54

He's very good at just not saying anything at all. That way you can't accuse him of anything. He just sulks and goes quiet.

You are describing a form of emotional abuse. From the way you've written it, I take it he does this regularly?

Inkblue · 17/05/2023 16:55

If he asks you again, you say you are following your consultant’s orders. Not that I think you should have to explain yourself to him. He’s a twat, I’m sorry to say.

vicaragechristmas · 17/05/2023 16:56

Bloody hell OP, when my mum broke her head of humerus, my dad took time off work, then arranged to work from home so he could take care of mum, did all the cooking (a challenge as not his particular skillset 😂) cleaning and housework, and still found time to help mum out of the house for a walk around the block to keep her active once she felt well enough. Your DH is not only a moody cunt, he’s a miserable unsupportive and unkind moody cunt. Sorry.

verdantverdure · 17/05/2023 17:00

I don't use the C word as a rule, but it's the word that floated into my head about the DH when I read the original post.

jannier · 17/05/2023 17:01

My cancer treatment lasted over a year my husband is self employed working 6 days a week normally from 7 to 6 but despite all the stress he attended every appointment, cooked, cleaned, and everything else. Stress is a poor excuse for being an arse hole

verdantverdure · 17/05/2023 17:04

Honestly, if you think about how someone who loves you and cares about you and wants the best for you would behave, it's not this, is it?

It might be worth looking at the Freedom Programme to see if he's in it.

You shouldn't be just a source of free domestic labour.

Daleksatemyshed · 17/05/2023 17:09

Frankly Op, who cares if he's having a shit time at work, you're having a much shittier time trying to cope with only having one functioning arm. He thinks as you're at home he shouldn't have to come home and do anything but that would lead to you having an injury for much longer. The fact his first question is not how are you doing but what have you done is a dead giveaway.
I'd have to tell him he's being totally unreasonable and his blatant lack of care was making me rethink the relationship, no one who loved you would be so unkind

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 17/05/2023 17:20

I think this situation shows how little he does normally if basic laundry and maybe a bit of cooking and clearing up are so beneath him .

Why does he resent you taking time to recover and following doctors orders?

Don't feel pressured into doing things that may risk surgery.