Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to wish dh would be a bit kinder about this?

51 replies

Damnspot · 17/05/2023 15:54

I've been signed off work for 3 weeks as I have an unstable fracture at the top of my arm. I can't drive. I'm usually really tough but this has thrown me and I'm really tired and basically just pottering around the house not doing very much at all. I'm sleeping sitting up on the sofa as recommended by the consultant which actually isn't too bad but obviously I'm not sleeping that well. Consultant told me yesterday that I had to really be careful as if it moves I'll need an operation- it's fine as long as I keep it in the sling.

Dh is fed up. He's having a shit time at work and is really stressed and I think he really resents me sitting at home getting paid for doing nothing (I work part time). The first thing he asks when he gets in is what have I done that day. I can tidy the kitchen, unload the dishwasher. I've done an online shop and out it away. I can do bits and pieces of tidying but can't use one arm obviously so can't fold etc.

He hasn't actually said anything other than ask what I've done and then stalk off. I asked him if he wanted to watch TV last night and he said no I have too much to do and then proceeded to huff about putting laundry away then sitting on his phone 😑

I have a teen dd who is getting lifts back from school from a friend, she's been brilliant and really helpful and kind.

Aibu to feel a bit sorry for myself and to wish dh could be kinder? I've also started to feel really really guilty as I know he's stressed at work (it's quite serious stress) and I can't be much practical help. I'm really trying to stay cheerful and positive but he seems resentful of that too.

OP posts:
Evaka · 17/05/2023 17:21

Hubby is failing you and making a tit of himself. I'd have that conversation rather than a pass agg 'I'm following consultant's orders'. He knows that and he needs to be pulled up on his behaviour. What's the point of living with someone if they can't step up when you're unwell?

I'm glad you can depend on your daughter.

spaghettimaretti · 17/05/2023 17:29

My ex did this. I had a serious op once and was recuperating at home. I think he gave me about 36 hours before making it all about him.

Stress or no stress, he’s being unreasonable.

Hope you get better soon OP and avoid surgery.

Jellycats4life · 17/05/2023 17:33

I’ve just commented on another thread with a huffy husband annoyed that his live-in housekeeper is sick 🙄 All these men need to get in the sea.

Dixiechickonhols · 17/05/2023 17:35

You are injured and in pain/sleep deprived.
I’d not engage. What have you been doing - recovering.

misskatamari · 17/05/2023 17:41

He'd be getting the fucking riot act here. Absolute arsehole! He can feel however he feels, I'm sure many of us would feel some lurking jealousy and resentment if we we're busy and stressed and were having to do more at home and our partner was getting to rest. We're human, we're unreasonable dicks sometimes. But we'd give our heads a wobble and realise that, even tho we might have moments of feeling those things, they are unreasonable and completely out of order to act on. He needs to get over himself. If he's finding things difficult he needs to speak up instead of behaving like a giant passive aggressive baby. I'm sorry you're dealing with this shit on top of your health issues OP. You're not being unreasonable in the slightest

endofthelinefinally · 17/05/2023 17:42

What a deeply unpleasant man.
I had an unstable collar bone fracture and 2 fractured ribs just at the start of a bank holiday weekend.
I had a sling and a large pashmina tied around my shoulder and chest from Friday to Tuesday. I also had to sleep sitting up, propped on a V shaped pillow and supported with pillows each side.
I couldn't even manage the toilet or shower on my own.
DH did everything. I mean everything.
You poor thing, you must be exhausted and in pain.
Your husband is a disgrace. I am so sorry.
Flowers

TheSoapyFrog · 17/05/2023 17:48

YANBU, he's a total wank stain. If I were you OP, I'd be very worried about the future should you become permanently disabled or seriously ill and bedridden, because I don't think you'll be able to rely on him.

Baystar · 17/05/2023 17:48

Tell him to strap one arm up, go to sleep sitting upright on the couch and just see how he gets on. He needs to get over himself and support you in your recovery.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 17/05/2023 17:58

bluebeck · 17/05/2023 16:01

My XH was always an utter cunt if I were unwell.

One of the reasons he is an XH

This for me too.

Couldn‘t bear it for me to be resting or out of action in any way. Because he saw me as a resource to be got the most out of.

user1471556818 · 17/05/2023 17:58

I think you can tell a lot about a person by watching how they respond to a situation
Sadly he is letting you down big style
Try not to take on board his behaviour and focus on your recovery
And you have raised a nice child

Everynightisday · 17/05/2023 18:14

This is my shitty dh. I could be dead and he would still expect full service- dinner, cle, wash.. basically I have to all of it without a single 5 mins break.

GracePalmer33 · 17/05/2023 18:22

Straight up ask him what is wrong with him and why he's being like this. And tell him that he needs to stop quizzing you about what you've done "all day".

BMW6 · 17/05/2023 18:29

Everynightisday · 17/05/2023 18:14

This is my shitty dh. I could be dead and he would still expect full service- dinner, cle, wash.. basically I have to all of it without a single 5 mins break.

Sorry but why the fuck are you still with it?

Original poster
Damnspot · 17/05/2023 19:04

Well he's returned from work and been as nice as pie 👀 helpful,.made me a tea and toast.

OP posts:
Fruitful82 · 17/05/2023 19:06

Damnspot · 17/05/2023 19:04

Well he's returned from work and been as nice as pie 👀 helpful,.made me a tea and toast.

although on your other thread, which is entirely about fact you are trying to avoid toast…..

op, you need to raise your standards. To come home and not be a “moody cunt” and make his wife a cup of tea… is not being as “nice as pie”

Original poster
Damnspot · 17/05/2023 19:37

He's being nice this evening. Well, more pleasant. He's been a miserable cunt up until now though.

OP posts:
OrbandSpectacle · 17/05/2023 19:41

Couldn‘t bear it for me to be resting or out of action in any way. Because he saw me as a resource to be got the most out of.

I notice this a lot on theads here. Seems a lot of men feel women must be mined for the benefit of men.

OrbandSpectacle · 17/05/2023 19:43

You need more than tea and toast in order to heal.

IMustDoMoreExercise · 17/05/2023 19:46

Hopefully he has read this thread.

gamerchick · 17/05/2023 19:51

He needs to make you a proper meal.

I'd be telling him that you're paying attention to his behaviour while you're incapacitated. It tells you a lot about a person how they behave when they have to step up.

Original poster
Damnspot · 17/05/2023 19:52

OrbandSpectacle · 17/05/2023 19:43

You need more than tea and toast in order to heal.

He's made pasta and salad.

I am not letting him off the hook quite yet

OP posts:
PrancerandDancer · 17/05/2023 20:06

Sorry he's being a dick. I broke my wrist before Christmas and its miserable. You really do have to be careful at first. If my DH tried any of this sulking I'd be so disappointed. What happened to sickness and in health. He's going to have to suck it up.

Nice to hear your lovely DD is being kind and helpful though. People definitely show their true colours when something like this happens.

Hope you heal quicky and the pain is not too bad. 💐

Original poster
Damnspot · 17/05/2023 20:11

I have a feeling dd has said something to him...

OP posts:
TomatoSandwiches · 17/05/2023 20:17

I can't believe he has been asking you what you've got done as soon as he gets in rather than check you are feeling OK?!

I do hope your DD said something to him, but it's a bit pathetic that your DH had to be shamed by effectively a child.

I hope you are OK op.

Goldbar · 17/05/2023 20:25

Do you have other DC as well as your lovely DD?

If not, I'm struggling to see how much there can be to do that warrants him huffing and puffing about you being out of action if there are no younger children in the house.

This is assuming that he usually does his share and your DD is being extra-helpful.

Of course, if he usually leaves most of the grunt work to you, then that would explain why he's annoyed at having to take it on.