For not wanting pregnant woman around for my miscarriage?

[TheTinWoman]

I understand things aren't always ideal, but is it wrong that I'm struggling with this? My stepmum who I share house with, and who knows I'm having a miscarriage, has invited round her daughter to stay, who is visibly pregnant.

I'm bedridden atm, but when I can get up, it's hard to face her, on top of all the pain I'm in. I don't mean to be a megabitch. AIBU?

If you can afford it, yes i think going to a hotel for a few days is a good idea. Take a lot of towels to sit on and pain killers, comfy blanket ect.

Go to a decent one and have room service.

How is it insensitive for a daughter to visit her mum in her house?!

I'm so sorry you're going through this OP💐

I'm not sure from your post if you feel comfortable explaining your feelings to your stepmum. If you are, I'm sure she would understand and help you navigate this.

If it's too upsetting to explain to your situation to people you aren't very close with, would a white lie be helpful? You could just say 'Sending my love but I'm ill with a bug/ norovirus/ coronavirus so I'm going to largely be in my room'.

That way you will get peace and your SIL will probably not want to get ill and will leave you to it.

Sending you love.

*and a white lie about being ill will help avoid any awkwardness around your SIL/ she won't feel like you're avoiding her deliberately

Because she's fucking pregnant and the op is miscarrying in another part of the house. What's tripping you up there?

Because it's currently upsetting the other person who lives there and she matters too?

She's part of the family though. Yes ideally she would have stayed away but they are family.

But all her daughter is doing is being. As long as she's not deliberately doing it to upset OP I don't see she's done anything wrong. It's not ideal no. But it's family.

I obviously can't speculate about other families but in mine we try to be quite mindful of each others feelings, but maybe we're just weird.

She might not know about the miscarriage. I'm not saying she shouldn't have maybe been asked to meet up elsewhere. Just that it's going to be tricky in a family situation.

I mean the daughter might not know.

Anyway only OP knows if it wad meant with malaice or not.

Again, if you are still reading the thread OP, I am very sorry for what you are going through.

I'm thinking more that it might not be straight forward to just rearrange the visit and you could argue why should they miss out on seeing each other if they don't get many opportunities?

But she doesn't have to be just being in the Ops house whilst she's miscarrying.

Deliberate or otherwise, it's insensitive of the SM to invite a pregnant women into the home to stay when her SD is losing her baby. Her being there is upsetting OP, whose home it is too.

They're likely to talk about her pregnancy, the baby, plans surrounding the baby, the future with the baby. I'm as tough as old boots but I'd have fallen apart if I'd have had to listen to talk about babies when mine had just died, especially when I was still bleeding from the loss of them and my pregnancy hormones were all over the place.

It is tricky, and at some point it will likely be necessary for OP to be in her step sister's company. But right now, whilst she's literally miscarrying? Perfectly understandable that's she finds it so difficult.

Agree with all the ones saying YANBU to feel vulnerable and upset, but YWBVU to expect your stepmum to not have her own daughter over.

It is a bad experience, but - not to the OP, to some of the other commentators - if a loss of a pregnancy is one of the most horrendous things that can happen to a person, those commentators have either a distorted sense of hyperbole or a terrible unawareness of what actually most horrendous things can happen in a life.

I am sorry for your loss. If you can afford it, I would vote for a nice hotel too.

Oh goodness me no, please disregard this response OP.

Thank you again for the input, everyone. Many of you are really lovely. ❤
Thank you for sharing your stories, too. I feel a bit better knowing I'm not alone.

It's DSM's first grandbaby, and she's over the moon, so I completely understand. Just not the best timing for me, sadly. I certainly don't want to spoil anyone's happiness.

I've arranged to stay with a friend for a few days. Seems that will be easiest for all. DSM is aware of my circumstances. Can only think that she's of the camp of some on here - 'pick yourself up and move on'. Which of course, I will do eventually. Everyone's just different, I suppose.

You are well within your rights to take as long as you need to process this, OP. Whether that is days, weeks, months or years. In that time you are allowed to take whatever steps you need to take to protect yourself, that includes not being around pregnant people if you do not want to. It doesn't mean you aren't happy for them, it just means it's hard for you and that's ok.

Take care of yourself. You aren't alone ❤️