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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want to hide away for the whole of June ?

35 replies

summershine101 · 17/05/2023 12:41

We are totally skint for June due to a few large bills we need to pay for. We have zero money for socialising in June. But not sure all my friends will understand this. On paper we are fairly well off, but not in June. I'm happy to have a quiet and boring June and just make the most of the sunshine (wishful thinking) in my garden with the odd bottle of cheap wine and work a load of hours for TOIL in following months. However, there will be expectations for me to join in with social events with some friends who will simply not take no for answer. Happy to have friends over at mine - and I have already offered - but there will be expectations to also go out.

OP posts:
RainbowUtensils · 17/05/2023 12:57

Erm... they have to take no for an answer. Can you just be honest and tell them you have some big bills, so can't afford to go out this month. It can't be that unusual.

Don't make it a big deal - it isn't.

foodtoorder · 17/05/2023 13:03

Why do the social events have to cost money?
If they are your friends surely they would understand and join you in the garden with a bottle of something?

Sissynova · 17/05/2023 13:05

However, there will be expectations for me to join in with social events with some friends who will simply not take no for answer.

Who cares, you just say no. If you can’t afford it and your friends won’t take no for an answer then they are pretty shitty people.

luckylavender · 17/05/2023 13:10

summershine101 · 17/05/2023 12:41

We are totally skint for June due to a few large bills we need to pay for. We have zero money for socialising in June. But not sure all my friends will understand this. On paper we are fairly well off, but not in June. I'm happy to have a quiet and boring June and just make the most of the sunshine (wishful thinking) in my garden with the odd bottle of cheap wine and work a load of hours for TOIL in following months. However, there will be expectations for me to join in with social events with some friends who will simply not take no for answer. Happy to have friends over at mine - and I have already offered - but there will be expectations to also go out.

You're an adult. No is a complete sentence.

kingtamponthefurred · 17/05/2023 13:23

If they won't take no for an answer, why are you friends with them?

ThatAbsoluteFkr · 17/05/2023 13:26

Huh.

Just tell them youre taking a break from socialising outside your home in June. You just want a few weeks of relaxation and you have some jobs to do round the house and garden.

CalmDownBoris72 · 17/05/2023 13:28

Are you able to be honest with them and say you have a few big bills in June and need to take a rain check for nights out but happy to host them at yours?

LiquoriceAllsorts2 · 17/05/2023 13:29

Just do what you want to do. If you feel pressure to socialize then can you find cheap activities to invite them to (walk/picnic in the park, going to a cafe where it is acceptable to just have one drink, playing outside games or board games etc)

Undisclosedlocation · 17/05/2023 13:32

Nobody can FORCE you to go out. Stop being such a wimp and say no. Exactly what do you think they can do about it?

Ifulikepinacoladas · 17/05/2023 13:34

If you can't be honest about being a bit stretched this month and/or just say you're not up for these 'events' are they really your friends?

peachypudding · 17/05/2023 13:36

What sort of weird friends do you have? Or does the problem actually lie with you? Ie you're too proud/ashamed/embarrassed to be honest with them?

1983Louise · 17/05/2023 13:38

You're an adult, you can say no, just don't make a drama out of it

IHateFlies · 17/05/2023 13:38

There's nothing wrong with saying you're a bit skint this month so you'll join them at their events in July but they're welcome to pop over.
What's making it so difficult?

theyoungishman · 17/05/2023 13:55

I don't really understand why you can't just say no? Very odd! Your friends can't force you to attend events Hmm

CurlewKate · 17/05/2023 13:57

Say what you've said here. Friends will understand.

dontgobaconmyheart · 17/05/2023 14:12

The position for a lot of people is the same month to month and they manage to participate in a meaningful social life, there are so many things that can be done for free, or very minimal cost.

People may well invite you out but that doesn't mean you're obliged to go or that it's normal for them to take a genuine issue with that. The "not taking no for an answer" thing is just weird really OP, and I think potentially as much your issue/worry as it is theirs.

I'd just say I'm cutting back this month/money is tight until July and everyone is more than welcome to come over or suggest something that keeps costs down. Friends who only want to see you as company for a paid events and who genuinely aren't interested in popping over otherwise, I can't say I'd be overly interested in what they think anyway to be quite honest.

jane1956 · 17/05/2023 14:20

why so skint in June? if you know these bills are coming then budget in previous months to spread the cost.

pontipinemum · 17/05/2023 14:21

Tell them you'd love to but you've had a few big bills this month so you can't.

Wishawisha · 17/05/2023 14:24

Gosh, pretty much 95% of the socialising I do these days is at home / garden or someone else’s.
It often costs a fair amount because we might put on quite nice food but it doesn’t have to. Last time I went to a friend’s we all had pizza from the freezer and wine.

I don’t see why you can’t be honest. “Oh I’d love to but having to cut back this month, can we make it at mine instead? - wine in the garden?” I seriously can’t image anyone being offended at that.

MarinatemysoulinSprite · 17/05/2023 14:42

...some friends who will simply not take no for answer.

What does this involve? How are you forced to do things that you don't want to?

If you decline an invitation will they turn up at your house, force you into the shower, get you dressed and then bundle you into the back of their car?

Of course they won't!

MammaTo · 17/05/2023 15:45

Undisclosedlocation · 17/05/2023 13:32

Nobody can FORCE you to go out. Stop being such a wimp and say no. Exactly what do you think they can do about it?

This

wildfirewonder · 17/05/2023 15:48

some friends who will simply not take no for answer

No one can make you. Just say no.

wildfirewonder · 17/05/2023 15:49

jane1956 · 17/05/2023 14:20

why so skint in June? if you know these bills are coming then budget in previous months to spread the cost.

Confused Not possible now, it is already May...
maximist · 17/05/2023 15:51

jane1956 · 17/05/2023 14:20

why so skint in June? if you know these bills are coming then budget in previous months to spread the cost.

And the award for pointless post of the day goes to....

SarahSmith2023 · 17/05/2023 15:54

However, there will be expectations for me to join in with social events with some friends who will simply not take no for answer
🙄🙄🙄🙄

I'm sure the 'Events' will go fine without your presence.