AIBU to not hunt down and kill/remove every spider in the house?

[MightyFishwife]

My 8yo has a fear of spiders. For the last few summers, it’s impacted on all of us — she goes round the house looking for, and becoming hysterical about, every spider she can find. Tiny ones are “huge”, big ones result in screaming and crying.

I don’t know how to support her without allowing this obsession to rule our lives. She’s waking us up up to 8x a night because she’s “seen” a spider (got out of bed and hunted for it).

I feel awful for her, but I can’t keep going getting a glass and a card (or the hoover) whenever she spots a spider and demands its immediate removal on pain of tears and hysterics.

What do i do? Im trying to help her cope but it’s been years so I’m clearly not getting this right.

8 a week is a lot - is there maybe a nest somewhere? My parents' old house had a lot of spiders, in my opinion, but I didn't even come across 8 in a month.
I know it's difficult, but the advice to make her stay in bed us awful. I still couldn't if I saw one. I'm an adult, don't want to be scared of them, understand they can't hurt me and I do appreciate their pest control skills, but I'm terrified. I end up a right mess if one is nearby and will be upset and on edge for a while afterwards. I genuinely still have occasional nightmares about my spidery childhood home and have to check the walls and ceiling before I can settle again. 🙈

I've been arachnophobic as long as I can remember, although I am scared if one appears in my house, I don't want it harmed as it's not the spiders fault I have a fear of it, so as long as some brave soul (my hubby or son usually, although I have actually asked a brave looking passer by in the past) is willing to gently put it outside, I can cope.

Sorry just realised it's 8 a NIGHT - I would definitely be looking into that. Although they are harmless, it does sound like there's a nest or infestation of sorts. Not as bad as wasps or the like, but if fumigation or similar could solve the problem, yours and DD's lives would be much less stressful.

You should not have that many spiders in your house. We live in a large home, with back and front gardens and lots of farm land and its rare that I ever see a spider. There is clearly something wrong with your situation, finding at least 8 spiders per day in your house isn't okay and it would be put me on edge too. Show your daughter that you take her fears seriously but cleaning your house, get rid of clutter, get things off the floor and deep clean. Put screens on your windows, and call in pest control and make sure your garden is tidy and not overgrown.

Honestly, I couldn’t sleep or be in a room where I could see a spider on the ceiling. I don’t pick double height roomed AirBNB for this reason.

sticky spider traps in the corners and unde furniture to catch them. It also helps seeing them stuck and seeing them more often helps me cope. Spider spray along the doors and window frames to stop more coming in.

Honestly I wouldn’t cope with the amount of spiders you’re describing. Maybe tel her you’ll have a clear out/treat the hoise and then you will stop her looking. Her finding a spider and you not dealing with it as it’s too high isn’t good for anyone.

I've had arachnophobia since childhood - done the Friendly Spider Programme, had hypnotherapy, nothing worked!

The ONE thing that's helped me is cellar spiders! They're suitably daddy-long-legs ish to make me think of them differently. I actively encourage them as they tuck away in corners and I can't usually see them - BUT! They really, really, REALLY get rid of the 'bad' spiders that I still can't deal with.

Can you sell cellar spiders to your little girl on this basis? They are shy, spindly and fragile, and tuck themselves away, but are amazing at keeping bigger, badder spiders away. They've honestly transformed my decades-old arachnophobia.

I feel for your DD - it's a horrible phobia.

The only thing for it really is to do some sort of therapy/phobia treatment, but I’m an adult and there’s no one to force me to do it so I just won’t because I’m too scared.

Aww @Lachimolala , meant in the nicest possible way, I wish I could force you, something like the ZSL course could be life-changing for you!

I did it a few years ago, and honestly the slightest mention of a fear of spiders sets me off raving about it 😃 - if you wanted to consider even entertaining the idea I'm always happy to talk about what they do in fine detail, if that would make it any less intimidating

I spent over 30 years screaming at every spider, right from a young child. Moving into a house with cellar spiders has really helped me. I’ll never love them but after I saw one take down a much larger ‘scary’ spider, I slowly began looking at them in a different light!
All other spiders are removed by DC/DH as soon as possible but there are currently 2 cellar ones in the room with me. The deal I have with them is they do their job and stay well away from me!

Indorex. I wouldn’t do it myself, but if you empty a couple of cans around the rooms in the house that should solve your problem for a few months.

I used to be terrified of spiders, waking my dad up to hoover them even as an adult! What has worked for me, was starting dating someone with 3 pet tarantulas. They actually had to rehome them before i ever visited their house, but i now havent harmed a spider in 3 years. They got a new tarantula last week, and shes absolutely adorable! I realised its the skinny legs part that really creeps me out, so tarantulas with bigger, thicker legs helped to desensitise me to them. I'll never like daddy long legs, but i don't run screaming from them now and just let them be.

Agree with this.

This poor child is having to deal with over FIFTY spiders a week. I can’t understand how anyone could think this is normal or an acceptable place for an arachnophobic child to live.

I would end up having to be sectioned if I lived somewhere with this amount of spiders.