How do you manage your evenings when working full time?

[languishonfri]

Just that really. Feels like my batteries are so depleted at the end of each day. I have a long commute and lots on my plate at the moment which frazzles me. When I get home I am so bad for zoning out and staring off into space (not sure why I do this) but I know I really find it hard to decompress adequately and think it’s leading to me being in a state of perpetual burnout. What do you do to decompress?

Pressed send a bit early. I don’t know if this is just normal to feel this exhausted? I feel bad to my family as I have no time nor bandwidth left to give them the time and attention they deserve as I am that frazzled by the end of the day. I’m quite okay at concealing it but the guilt is there all the same, not to mention any time for having hobbies or activities of my own in an evening

On my commute, I browse MN or read something, listen to a podcast...take some quieter time. Sometimes I also use that time for planning, doing online food shopping, ordering presents etc, things I need to do anyway so it's a good time to get them done. (I commute on public transport - I'd only do podcasts or radio if in the car).

When I get in, 1st job is feeding me and anyone else needing it. After dinner, I clean up and prep for tomorrow - defrost a batch cooked dinner, peel veg, check I have ingredients for my plan, put things together if possible or leave ready to do tomorrow.

I make time for at least 30 minutes of tv, usually something light or comedy.

I plug in my phone to charge and lay out my clothes for tomorrow before bed. My bed is always made since morning.

I also manage laundry by washing and drying during the week as needed (outdoors, clothes horse or tumble dryer in order of preference). But I throw all clean dry clothes into a clean hamper we can root through if something is urgently needed and only fold and put away the rest at the weekend while watching a movie.

Dinner tends to be a mix of frozen batch cooked dinners, some cooked from scratch, some conveniences and a max of 1 takeaway/week (we often don't have a takeaway but I don't feel guilty if we do). I try to look at the week ahead on Sunday and have a reasonable idea of which days are chaos (batch cooked meals) and which days are less frenetic (can cook from scratch and prep things for tmrw). Some things are set up in oven on timer or the slow cooker (great on frantic days). I have a bunch of "ready in 15/20 minutes" meals. And if dinner is fried mushrooms on toast and wine....that works too. (Dd is late teen and fends for herself food wise so wine is ok again).

I love to see or knit to relax...just rarely get to do it. But I do make time for a weekly yoga class which is relatively late so I can get there from work.

How long is your commute and when do you get home?
Sometimes we all feel shattered at the end of the day but there is a difference between a reasonable commute and an unreasonable commute. If you don’t have time do ever go anywhere or do anything after work and can’t even engage at home then it’s probably time to look for something else work wise.

This sounds like a good system especially the quick meals. Might have to take this on board into our routine

@Sissynova I am hybrid but days in office vary hugely weekly, for the last few weeks we’ve been busy so I’ve been in pretty much every day. 20 mins to bus, then journey time approx 20 minutes so not bad but then have to drive home from park and ride which is another 20 usually. Door to door can be 1.5hr especially if waiting round for bus

I feel similar tbh. Commute is 30 mins on public transport - 5 min walk, 15 min train, 10 min walk - and I usually just catch up
on WhatsApp’s.

I get home at 6, usually have a snack with the kids and then it’s the full bath and bed routine (they are 2.5 and 5 so this is exhausting and intensive!) which can go on until 8 or 8.30 on a bad night. Worst case scenario I log back on and work (anything from 30 mins-4 hours), try and fit in some dinner and tv with DH but sometimes neither. DH is always asking why I’m so exhausted all the time!

i wonder if a bit more exercise would actually give me more energy.

It can be so full on, can’t it?! X

I'm the same OP and I'm only doing part time freelance stuff. I do have health issues including chronically low iron, which very much adds to it. Have you had any blood tests or spoken to a doctor just in case there's something like this going on for you?

I'm going back to my GP this week because things have got worse again. I could sleep 12 hours a day and still need time to zone out to recover from the things I need to do.

Never thought of a vitamin or mineral deficiency but I guess it could be for sure. I think I’ll buy a multivitamin and speak to the GP anyway, for sure. I’m being referred for assessment for autism & ADHD - I’m less physically tired and more mentally overwhelmed if that makes sense!

Sometimes I also use that time for planning, doing online food shopping, ordering presents etc, things I need to do anyway so it's a good time to get them done. (I commute on public transport - I'd only do podcasts or radio if in the car).

@BiddyPop does that help you to decompress, as in it's a total change of scene from your paid job so it feels helpful to break you out of 'work' mode? Or is it more that you use that commuting time to get stuff done freeing you up once you get home?

I recharge by using a meditation app on the train, either Headspace or Plum Village (which is free)

Get home. Start cooking/defrost something I've made earlier. Feed the family, wash up dishes. Start ironing whilst catching up on TV. If no ironing then cleaning, hoovering etc. Kids older so tend to be doing Homework. They go to bed around 9 ish. I might sit down watch the 10 o'clock news before bed. Read in bed for a bit usually sleep for 11. 6am Start over again.
Weekends are usually food shop and clean bathroom as well as taking kids to sports clubs etc.
It's not v rock and roll but it's life.

I WFH. Usually finish about 5, race around for about 45 mins attempting to restore some order to the chaos of the household (you'd think WFH would mean I'd get stuff done in the day, right? In practice I just make more mess as I feed myself and and sort of half finish chores throughout the day). Work out what we are having for tea, get DH to pick up anything we need. Make tea, make an excuse as to why I can't go to the gym, slump onto the sofa, drink wine, watch TV. I often wonder why I'm not a better, more productive human. I don't even have any DCs, but my days are usually so busy my head is spinning by the time I finish, it's hard to have the capacity for anything meaningful in the evening.

I'm much the same, when I get home I need time to just sit and switch my mind off when I get home. I think for me, its not really the commute which is only 30mins or even the work, which I enjoy. Its just being around people all day -its draining. And I do actually like most of them!
I found a massive difference with wfh during lock-down, I was able to get out and walk for at least an hour either before or after work every day and generally had a lot more enegy, although work itself was busier than usual.
I'm the same now on my wfh days - lot more energy in the evenings. I think I'm just more energised working by myself.

Yes! With you on the people drained part and was the same in lockdown too. Was so nice to be able to use your time in the middle of the day as you liked

WFH can be just as busy! That schedule sounds really tight I bet you’re ready for the weekends when they arrive.

@FishTankSally it depends. Some days it is getting jobs off my "to do" list so I don't need to do them later.

But I have an eclectic mix of podcasts available. From leadership and management stuff to do better at work, a very enthusiastic American one about organisation at home (The Lazy Genius), some entertainment ones (Alan Alda, West Wing Weekly, Desert Island Discs, Callanan Kicks (comedy) and wordsmithing in something rhymes with purple etc) and some about boating (the Boat Galley about organising and how to's, and The O'Kellys which is more everyday life of cruisers).

By thinking (mostly) about things that have nothing to do with work, it does help.

How is your diet? Cutting out sugar has had the most dramatic affect on my energy levels. I've recently been finding myself absolutely exhausted in the early evenings but just cutting out sugar, despite the withdrawals, is giving me so much more energy to focus on what needs to be done. It's also improved my mental clarity - it had gotten so bad since having DC that I thought I might have ADD but I'm actually becoming convinced it is my poor diet and love of sweet treats and the consequent energy spikes and mood swings.

Following with interest. I feel exactly the same @languishonfri - currently vegging on the sofa in front of discovery plus 🙈 my commute's about 3ish hours on a good day and it's EXHAUSTING. @ParentsTrapped I also really struggle to fit exercise in because I'm so shattered by the time I've got home even if there's the actual time I just can't get myself back out to the gym. Considering getting a rowing machine but will I just hang my clothes on it?!

I also second pod casts and audio books. Got into them during the pandemic and found them (sounds dramatic I know but) life changing in the way they transformed my drudgery into me time. Also get a tablet and binge watch a show while you're doing the cooking and washing up etc.

I used to just listen to music to get pumped and while I still do this sometimes, it's not what you want every single evening especially once you have DC.

Tbh it’s quite good. I have always been easily overwhelmed/worn out socially

Awful isn’t it haha

We both work from home but have school run either end of the day as it’s 6 miles to their school so a 40min round trip including the wait for them
to come out.

We’ve developed a system that works for us.

morning jobs are dishwasher empty, packed lunch making, dog walk, getting kids ready. We split those 50/50. We do one school run each. Through the week standards are dropped to a surface wipe / quick vac.

We’re diligent about moving things back up or down to the room they belong in as we move about the house.

washing is run every other day with uniform all done on a Saturday ready for ironing Sunday night.

proper cleaning is Saturday or Sunday depending on plans.

big shop is ordered online thurs for delivery Saturday

dog is walked again by whoever isn’t doing bedtime for youngest.

it’s pretty dull but means we also have time for TV, hanging out, and fun downtime.

we make an effort to go to bed at the same time and watch some Tv / catch up before sleep.

I have an hour each way commute on my working days. My work is unpredictable so I often get home late. I then do dc bedtime and one needs care as she is disabled so I’m often doing that until after 10pm. The difference for me is I work part time (3days ish a week but can do less or more if I want) and I manage my own work schedule and time off to a certain extent. I understand working part time is a luxury many can’t afford but for me I made the decision to take a leap of faith when my dc1 was born to completely retrain so I could eventually earn enough on my own to do so. It was hard and during my training I went without basics but it changed my life.
Before dc I worked full time and despite only having myself to look after I was permanently exhausted and pretty much fell asleep when I got home.
I could not and would not do be able to manage full time with dc. Especially because one is disabled. When dc was born I remember thinking I could no longer survive but not live. It always felt I was just getting through each day and consequently life but not living. My dc has a shorter life expectancy and I will not spend her whole life, energy, day etc lining someone else’s pockets. I’d sooner downsize or go without.
Most people feel like you op. Life has become so busy, fast, chaotic that most of us are basically treading water to survive. What’s the point in commuting over an hour to work all day to do it again and again if you get little to no reward.
you are not doing anything wrong. This exhaustion is mental, it’s brain flooding. Eating well and exercise will of course help but what we all really need is to stop. Stop living up to the expectations of our bosses bosses so they get richer and can enjoy life. It’s a fantasy I know but I feel very strongly about this. I grew up without a parent present because they were always at work and it’s had a life long negative impact on me.

I know you can’t just give up work or even go part time but I’d seriously consider changing jobs. One without such a long commute will make some difference at least.
Id let go of any ott cooking, eat ready meals if you want. Who cares.
Don’t wash clothes as often. Especially for dc. Bath dc less. Just slow down.

DD has autism and takes a long time to decompress after school. The lower the sensory input of her environment the faster she recharges, so noise cancelling headphones so she can focus on music, a dim room, food and drink as she walks through the door but no chatter - she'll come through to me to chat when she's charged up a bit.

On a commute I'd wear the NC headphones on public transport but not walking so you are aware of your surroundings. Sunglasses or a hat to reduce light etc

There’s a lot of sense in what you’re saying. Thank you!