How do I catch up??

[QueenDaydreaming]

Day to day tasks are getting away from me and I don’t know how to catch up with myself! I’ve always been a bit last minute, but I currently feel that everything is slipping downhill fast! For example, my DS5 started school in September with four sets of uniform and fourteen pairs of socks. Last week I was washing and drying one set before school, today I just sent him in Friday’s uniform, odd school socks and a promise to myself I’d be better tomorrow. And it’s not just that, it’s everything, me personally, my business, my housework, I feel like I’m losing control very quickly. How do I stop and get myself back on track?? I work from home 7 days a week and paying for a cleaner isn’t an option. I’m not asking DP for help, it’s also not an option, I just need to get back on track on my own. How would you do it?

I really don’t understand why asking your partner for help wouldn’t be an option?
What are you actually asking … how to be more organised or how to do everything yourself?
We all have times when we get more busy or we forget to do things but you had all weekend to wash his uniform. Sometimes you just have to be a bit stricter with yourself and force yourself to do things. If you wait around on motivation to be more organised it will never come.

Write out a plan, washing on first thing in morning.

I'd start by gathering uniforms right now and getting them washed and dried. Repeat on Sunday morning and get them ironed and on hangers. Match up socks as they come out the machine before you put them away. Get uniform, socks, underwear, pe kit etc sorted the night before and pack school bag, lunches etc, to make the morning easy.

You have far too much uniform tbh. 5 shirts 2 pairs of trousers, 2 jumpers. Swap trousers & jumpers mid week. You will halve your laundry.

I wash school uniforms on a Friday night, dry over the weekend. You just have to make yourself be organised, atleast with the basics like doing laundry at weekends. Odd socks aren’t a big deal so let those little bits go.

There are 5 days in the week so buy another top at least! Get all the sock’s exactly the same so there’s no odd pairs.
put a school wash on on Friday night every week so by Sunday night it’s washed and dried.

Get more uniform for a start as that will reduce the pressure. Get one colour of socks for DS so there are no odd ones. If you are working 7 days a week do you never have a day off? No wonder you are overwhelmed!

I could've we written this myself OP. I constantly feel like I'm chasing my tail. I'm never on top of the washing up, the laundry, changing the beds, any of it. I'm struggling to keep on top of things at work too and my relationships with my friends have taken such a back seat since having children I don't feel I have anyone to vent to about stuff.

I don't know what the answer is apart from do what you can when you can.

I don't have a partner, but if I did I would be asking for their help/involvement to get back on track. Why is this not an option?

So you never get a day off or was that a typo? I don't think it's sustainable to nevet have a day off.

School uniform gets washed as a job lot on Saturday morning here and as soon as it's dried it's hung up in sets so one hanger has a full outfit including pants on it ready to go Monday morning.

When DD has packed lunches (she's currently a fan of the school lunch menu, that might change all of a sudden) we have Tupperware boxes on the worktop, one with fruit, one with portioned baggies of veg like cherry tomatoes, mini cucumbers etc, one with snacks like breadsticks, crisps etc. in the morning I grab one thing from each box, a yoghurt or cheesestring from the fridge, make a cheese spread wrap and that's the lunchbox done in 2 minutes.

There's a foldable laundry bag in the living room, when DD plays with toys downstairs at the end of playing they go in the laundry bag. When it's full it goes upstairs to her room, is emptied and taken back downstairs. There's also an on stairs storage box (those weird l-shaped specially for steps ones) where all the random crap that migrates it's way downstairs is put. When it's full it's taken up and sorted out.

Letters and dress up as [insert random shit here] notifications go straight in the online calendar with reminders set up. If I get it in physical letter form I photograph it and attach it to the calendar entry with a reminder set up for a couple of days before. If it's a reminder to sort out an outfit then I'll set several reminders over several days if needed so I don't end up waking up on the day of the event and having to colour in a tshirt with a sharpie at 5am.

At least one day a week double up on cooking, so if you're making bolognaise, make twice as much. Freeze the leftovers so you know that there is an emergency meal in the freezer if you can't be arsed/don't have time one day.

At least one day a week do stuff on toast or soup and a sandwich for dinner.you don't need to do a lengthy meal prep and cook every day to eat well so give yourself the luxury of a 10 min to prep and cook meal. It's still good food that's filling, healthy and tastes nice even if it just uses a toaster and microwave.

Use the 2-5 min periods you have wisely. Next time you're waiting for the kettle to boil use that 2 minutes to sweep the kitchen floor or take the bin out. Then you've accomplished a job on your list without it feeling like it's taking up any time.

My partner essentially has three suggestions:

1. Employ more staff in our business so I have more time (not financially viable)
2. Organise my time better, clearly I’m doing something wrong
3. Change our life completely

Going over any of these options saps the time & energy I have left!!

I need to admit to someone (anonymously) I feel overwhelmed. And I just want some moral support of a. Not being the only one, and b. a practical suggestion of what to do - I can barely stop to think about making a list. Being told to gather up all school uniform and wash it makes sense and helps, thank you. I’m not expecting miracles!

We run a pub. I’m up at 6, go to bed between midnight & 2am. Sometimes I nap during the day. Closed one day a week, generally do paperwork and accept deliveries. Some days are easier than others, but constantly on call to phone, emails, and whoever turns up. But I enjoy it, I don’t need to change my work. I just need to catch up!

Notice he never mentioned him helping you more as one of the solutions.

No, but let’s not go there. Still need to look after me and DS.

Get rid of your useless partner. Honestly you will be absolutely amazed how it will improve your feelings of being overwhelmed. I speak from experience!

Are you doing his cooking/cleaning/washing too?

Stopping that will free up some time if you are...

I make sure everyone has a good breakfast to start the day, after that it’s a free for all! DS has cooked meals at school and eats well, tea is a sandwich around after school clubs or DP will cook something basic. I cook maybe one meal a week (I work 4 or 5 evenings for context). DP does his own washing. Housework is non existent until something is desperate. Honestly, I’m fire fighting, I can’t even tell you the things that aren’t top of the list!

You say 'we run a pub'. So you and DP run the business together?

If so, can he do the paperwork/deliveries on the day you are closed to allow you a day of catching up?

Ah, no. He works full-time Mon-Fri elsewhere, it was our post-Covid plan in case it all went tits up, to give him a new challenge in life and also to make ends meet.

I can do this, I just need to get back on track! Going to sort school uniform washing now…

Take one room a night to keep on top of it - that’s a quick 10 mins rush round. It makes a huge difference.
Uniform, they don’t need a clean jumper every day.
Wash on in the evening and hung out by breakfast - I even hang it out the night before and it dries.

The good news is you've recognised there's a problem, now you need to tackle it. First you need tobgetvoutvof your current mess then you have to reduce the chances of it happening again.
I sense this has happened before. You're not lazy you're just not very organised. Writing lists etc might help a tiny bit but the advice will come from people with a different head to you. You are what you are and can't just get your act together. Here's some suggestions for what might work initially.
Whilst your life/head is chaotic the stress hormones cruelly make you even less able to work this out so start with a few small wins. Eg spend half hour rounding up socks or if able an hour cleaning ghe kitchen. These are physical tasks you've done a million times before so won't take much brain power. Once you've done them your stress levels will reduce at your 'win' and you can start to consider planning.
Research executive function. I think that's where you struggle. Trying to formulate a plan now will not work. It's a cliché but one step at a time, but choose simple physical tasks first. Download a podcast or put radio on to help you with timings, eg you can have a cuppa after Jermemy Vine comes on.
Now look at the long term solution. Do you have ADHD? Get input/support. It won't happen overnight but there are some greatcself help books out there.
Don't expect miracles. Whilst it is demoralising to get in this fix, there will most certainly be assets to having your head.

It is so hard running your own business because even if you’re not working then you’re always on.

My advice would be that you need to find a way to afford a cleaner for the house for 2 hours a week every week. Put it through the business? Pay it from dp salary? Go without something else?

Itll make it so much easier to keep on top of things like washing if the house is clean.

My kids have 5 sets of uniform each, bar the jumpers which they have 3 each. All school uniforms are washed on a Friday night, and folded into days of the week, so each pile has trousers, top, jumper clean socks and pants etc

I can’t help with the housework as my house looks like a shit tip despite doing 4 tip runs in the last few weeks. I need to have the entire house cleaned by the weekend (we have guests I also have to wash the bedding on the spare bed) on top of working full time, running around after the kids.

I have also have adhd (diagnosed) and struggle massively with tasks, start one get distracted start another etc, I really could do with a cleaner but sadly as we are quite rural I haven’t found one yet!! My husband is great and does help but he also works full time so it’s hard to keep on top of it all.

Thank you all - never underestimate the impact of admitting there is a problem and receiving words of encouragement! Sent DS to school in clean, ironed uniform with matching socks. Completely forgot DP’s coffee and breakfast in the process but he’ll survive 😂now working on the other small wins for the day. Thank you😊

Yes, your DP will survive without you making him a coffee. Why the fuck isn’t he making your coffee?

I second the cleaner for your home, twice a week. Put it through the business. Ask whoever cleans the pub if they’d like some extra hours.