No one telling off their kids at play date

[Eventhismorningisweirdatthemo]

Just wanting others opinions as to whether I’m being a bit uptight.
Went on a play date/meet up at a playground with Dd, 4 and a few of her pals, all the same age, mix of boys & girls.
I’m friends with the parents and we all
get on well.
It was one of those days when most of them were playing up a bit, tired and moaning and falling out. Dd is the same at times and they all had their moments, as 4 year olds do 😅
Dd joined with another girl by saying one of the other boys couldn’t play etc and I talked with her and tried to encourage her to play with him and so on, basically if she was doing anything *Wrong (not really the right word 🤷🏻‍♀️) I addressed it. Later on they were all sat around and a couple of them started to be mean, drawing on Dds pictures on her arm, taking her favourite toy, Dd did get upset and started to cry. The parents either didn’t notice (I don’t see how not as they were on the table next to us) or just totally ignored them doing it and dd crying.
Aibu or uptight in expecting them to step in? What would you have done, as the parent of them and being me?
DD’s now saying she doesn’t want to meet up with them again (which is hard as their parents are my friends) but I obviously don don’t want her to be upset.
One of the dads was saying how at school they’re left to it, to sort out issues themselves…🤷🏻‍♀️

*Drawing on Dds pictures and on her arm
*I don’t see how they couldn’t as they were on the table next to us

Sorry for typos

I think the fact that you're saying that when your DD joined with another child and said a boy couldn't play you don't see this as her doing wrong. So for that YABU.

As for the other kids, I'd have told them to stop it myself.

4 year olds aren't left to it at school, the teachers don't just sit back and watch unkind behaviour. That dad couldn't be bothered to parent clearly.

@HaiIeyy I think you missed the part where she said she talked to her daughter about what she'd done to the boy

Obviously parents should parent their own children, but it's easy for people to get lax in a group situation.

YANBU for hat but your job is to protect and help your child, so YABU for not stepping in when it became clear that the parent of the children who were being mean to yours weren't going to.

Some parents just can’t be arsed OP. I’m like you but I’ve noticed a lot in playgrounds that some parents have just checked out & disengaged.

YANBU, I would've stopped them myself if the parents weren't stepping and if they kept it up, I'd then ask the parents to sort it out.

This first sentence nails it.

I think standards slip at group play dates because.... god, do we really just have to constantly parent all the time? (We do, I know, I know).

If mine was getting upset, I'd just chuck her on my lap for a cuddle and a snack. It's easy for group situations to get overwrought.

She didn't say that.

She said she dealt with it and then went on to say she addressed any other issues when she did 'wrong'.

You can only control your own responses - so step in if your child is being naughty, and intervene when other children are unkind to her.

Personally I wouldn't have sat and watched while other kids took my child's toy and made her cry, I'd have nipped it in the bud as soon as it started.

She did say that. She said basically if she was doing anything *wrong (not really the right word) I addressed it. Well obviously it is wrong and it is the right word if your child is teaming up with another child to not let a 3rd child play.

No I definitely didn't miss it

@HaiIeyy You did, I said I stepped in and addressed it.

I did have to step in twice and say something, but because no one else was I’ve come home and felt part angry about it and part am I being too uptight as clearly the others weren’t arsed. It was upsetting to see my Dd get upset and I stopped it, but why didn’t they

I'd guess the parents were all too busy gawping at their phones to notice

@Eventhismorningisweirdatthemo I didn't. Yes you said you addressed it, but you said wrong wasn't the right word. Anyway.

4 year olds can be mean. Also, it takes a village, I would have had no issue in the circumstances with correctly or redirecting the kids who were bothering DD. You don’t have to be passive just to please your friends.

@TwoTowers I did, but then wondered afterwards if I was being over the top doing it

Can you read? OP said she talked to her child about this

No. It isn’t.

Can you read? It says she spoke to her DD but doesn't class "wrong" as the right word to use. Where did I say she never spoke to her DD?

@HaiIeyy Jesus.

So you are ‘actively’ parenting and your friends aren’t.

To be honest I ended up avoiding these kind of gatherings in the end as I was so sick of the chat stopping the parenting. The straw that finished me off was the toddlers all playing around the table that had steaming cups of coffee in tall glasses adorning it and not one parent was noticing the accident about to happen. I just knocked it on the head and decided to prioritise my child over small talk. Never regretted it.

Are you being deliberately dense?

Lots of other people seem to understand what the OP is saying.

Odd that you can't.

Unfortunately some parents just cba to discipline their dc's. Or they are scared of a tantrum, or they think that their dc is a perfect little angel that couldn't possibly do any wrong. Basically some parents are just a bit useless.