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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel embarrassed?

28 replies

feelingimgoingunder · 15/05/2023 20:02

My colleague who is also a friend made a joke about how I’m wearing the same outfit I always wear at work today and made someone else laugh.

I’m overweight and extremely self conscious. I don’t wear the same outfit but I wear similar and always clean. I just don’t have the confidence to wear anything else and I think why buy new when I hate how I look …

I really thought people took notice what I wore but, and I did laugh it off as I can joke about myself but I feel a but upset.

OP posts:
ChocolateRaisin09 · 15/05/2023 20:07

Steve Jobs always wore the same, it's meant to cut down decisions and make you save time, decision fatigue etc. I think it's a good idea to have a work "uniform"!
Your reasons are maybe different but you could say that if anyone asks, while you work on your self esteem. I need to as well, I live in black even though I love colour, we need body confidence!
This other person sounds like a bit of a jerk, try to ignore them ❤️❤️

Thelnebriati · 15/05/2023 20:11

I always wear the same outfit as well. Its a shallow thing for anyone to comment on imo.

Treesoutsidemywindow · 15/05/2023 20:13

With friends like that, who needs enemies? I agree with PP, if anyone says anything further on the subject, just say you like to wear the same style of outfit each day, as it saves you having to shop for something different, and this way every morning you know exactly what to put on, and don't have to worry about whether things go together, etc. I once had a boss who literally bought a dozen shirts exactly the same, and always looked like he was wearing the same thing he'd worn the day before, but I knew different!

DojaPhat · 15/05/2023 20:16

That comment was really uncalled for tbh. You say you laughed it off but do you often make yourself/ your appearance the butt of your jokes? If so now would be the time to stop doing that - in one way or another you're inviting such commentary if you're pretty vocal about being self-conscious. As long as you're clean and well presented nothing else matters. Beyond all that you need to work on getting more confident and trying out different looks which suit; this is if you want to and not relegating yourself to one look because you don't feel worthy of different colours/shapes.

A good approach to try if you don't feel confident enough to retort is to sit there completely unbemused, make the entire atmosphere uncomfortable - so don't laugh along.

IKnowWhatTheAnswerIs · 15/05/2023 20:19

I’m sure you look fab and know what works for you. But please do work on your self esteem. Talk to yourself like you would to your closest friend and I bet you’ll see that you’re too harsh on yourself.

ps I also have limited outfits, in my case because there’s other things I’d rather spend my money on. I’m sure other people will have noticed but it really doesn’t matter or at least I don’t think so.

FatherJoseFernandez · 15/05/2023 20:19

What a arse hole! Feeling the need to make others laugh by putting someone else down smacks of low self esteem on their part. I have two pairs of trousers and five tops I rotate and everything else in my wardrobe is for social life outside of work.

AspiringMermaid · 15/05/2023 20:21

You are at work what a dick. I would complain to HR. I always wear the same thing because the top was cheap, on sell, so I bought 8😂

rainraingoawaay · 15/05/2023 20:22

I do the same - have a few items I just cycle (mainly wfh so don't see the point of getting lots of different outfits!).

Someone made a similar comment once, I just gave them a look and asked if they'd heard of the concept of a washing machine that meant an outfit could be re worn.

It's a nobbish comment at your expense! Very rude of them.

WavingThroughYoWindow · 15/05/2023 20:25

So does Simon Cowell tbh.

I always think people look 10x better in outfits they feel comfy in.

Nasty comment from her.Try not to feel.embarrassed,she is the rude one.

quietnightmare · 15/05/2023 20:26

Walk in tomorrow and say

'got my uniform on again today, oh sorry I mean the same outfit' in front of said colleague it will passive aggressively make them think about what they said

BellaJuno · 15/05/2023 20:31

It’s a work capsule wardrobe you have, I have the same! I’ve got black trousers. a black skirt, a couple of blazers and 4 tops I rotate. Takes all the decision making out of getting ready and I don’t waste money unnecessarily.

Doyouthinktheyknow · 15/05/2023 20:33

They can fuck off! God what is wrong with people, none of their business and bloody rude to boot.

Wear what you like and hold your head high. I wear a uniform these days but have always had a ‘uniform’ of comfy trousers and T shirts anyway, always very similar and specifically for work. That’s fairly normal.

Don’t give them another thought, this is about them, not you💐

CatherinedeBourgh · 15/05/2023 20:35

'Of course, I'm at work not at a party'.

Bonbon21 · 15/05/2023 20:50

'I am at work. And I dont feel the need to compete.......'
Then look her up and down.... fake smile.... walk away...
Keeping work clothes separate from the clothes you wear off duty lets you switch off when you are on downtime. It also saves money!!
Win win in my book.

IMustDoMoreExercise · 15/05/2023 20:53

Someone said the same thing to me about 20 years ago.

I felt the same as you but 20 years later it wouldn't bother me. And actually I have a going out uniform as well as a work one now.

I hate dressing up and buy new clothes so I don't bother. I just find something I like and just wear it. As long as it's clean it doesn't matter.

IMustDoMoreExercise · 15/05/2023 20:54

BellaJuno · 15/05/2023 20:31

It’s a work capsule wardrobe you have, I have the same! I’ve got black trousers. a black skirt, a couple of blazers and 4 tops I rotate. Takes all the decision making out of getting ready and I don’t waste money unnecessarily.

Yes this is exactly what I do.

Mark zuckerberg does the same thing.

IMustDoMoreExercise · 15/05/2023 20:55

quietnightmare · 15/05/2023 20:26

Walk in tomorrow and say

'got my uniform on again today, oh sorry I mean the same outfit' in front of said colleague it will passive aggressively make them think about what they said

Yes, please do say something like that. Your colleague is a b.

billy1966 · 15/05/2023 20:56

People with busy lives often have a simple work wardrobe capsule.

It strikes me as clever and efficient, especially if you need to get up and out quickly in the morning.

That person is extremely rude and no friend.

CoronationKicking · 15/05/2023 21:03

Sorry I'll put my fucking tutu on next time if it bothers you that much. Personally I don't have the time or inclination to get so worked up about what another person wears but some people are shallower than others. Wouldn't do to all be the same, would it Charlotte?

ICMB · 15/05/2023 21:09

Tell them everything you said here

L1ttledrummergirl · 15/05/2023 21:09

I had a colleague once say that in her opinion "grey hair was unprofessional". I have grey hair.
She was an obnoxious bitch with an inferiority complex, who was awful at the job but thought she was better than everyone else. A brown noser of the highest order.

She can get to fuck, as can your colleague. Definitely not a friend.

Lapsedcataholic · 15/05/2023 21:28

Maybe, as you say she's a friend, your colleague spoke without thinking - but what a nasty thing to say! And the person who laughed was nasty too. In future if there's any more such comments (hopefully there won't be) just give her a raised eyebrow and a deadpan "pardon?"

You shouldn't ever have to justify your clothing choices, as long as you're clean and presentable that's all that matters.

If it was to happen again then I think that would be classed as bullying.

Lapsedcataholic · 15/05/2023 21:30

Oh meant to say, you have nothing to be embarrassed about. Your colleagues however...

Vitriolinsanity · 15/05/2023 22:58

I don't spend money on impressing work colleagues, my money is spent on clothes I live in my own time.

Your colleague is an asshat that should be embarrassed by her spiteful, shallow remarks,

Whataretheodds · 15/05/2023 23:00

It worked for Steve Jobs, Mark Zuckerberg, Rishi Sunak, and Barack Obama.