To think this comment is not that hurtful?

[Lis1992]

If a colleague said to you on a night out ‘ just stop trying to start an argument and go home to your children, as you should’ would you find it super offensive? I don’t think it’s that bad- Am I in the minority? The person that made the comment told me that they’re getting a terrible time about saying it, even though they apologised!

I can certainly see why people would object to it.

Some context would be helpful.....

Sexist, and extremely rude.

Should note that the person it was said to had been insulting the other for ages before it was said.

Yep, sexist and rude.

Depends what the person was doing.

The second part is pretty shitty/misogynistic as you're suggesting that someone with children shouldn't be out of the home.

But if the person is trying to start a fight then it's reasonable to suggest they leave.

If someone said it to me I'd be pretty pissed off......

It’s the “as you should” bit that’s mysogynistic and unnecessary - it’s implying a negative judgement about a parent daring to be apart from their children.

go home to your children, as you should

This is the problematic part.

Ah fair. The person apologised though and others aren’t speaking to her for it.

“just stop trying to start an argument”

Fine

”and go home”

Probably fine if the person was being really unpleasant and ruining the event for others

“to your children, as you should”
Massively inappropriate, marks the speaker as a misogynist, speaker should take a hard look at themselves and their attitudes and keep their stupid opinions to themself in future.

I do see people’s points but I know both involved and I really don’t think anything was meant at the time. I was there but didn’t overhear anything- was told today! All of us were drinking with little food too for some context.

None of that makes it any less repulsive.

It’s the “go home to your children, as you should.” bit. It depends on what the person meant by this. If they mean they shouldn’t ever go out because they have children then yes I would pull my face at that comment.

If it’s because they need to go home at a set time and are messing about causing arguments which means they will be late home, then yes nothing wrong with it.

Telling someone to go home for causing arguments is fine. Some people ruin a night out by kicking off with people. Whether they have children or not they should get lost. But making a point about them going home to their kids as they should, hmm. Depends on what was meant by that.

Yes, it really is that bad.

Were they both women?

@BirbFriend Both women yes!

The first part
'just stop trying to start an argument and go home'

is fine IF they were doing that, but not if they were just vocalising a different opinion.

but the second part to your children, as you should

is not fine from anyone to anyone else irrespective of what has gone on.

Should note that the person it was said to had been insulting the other for ages before it was said.

Your original question was completely pointless without that bit of information. And it's still a bit pointless tbh - I mean why would anyone even bother considering whether the comment was 'hurtful' or not, or blame someone for making a potentially hurtful remark, if it was in response to being repeatedly insulted for ages?

@Fairislefandango I would have added that bit but didn’t want to take away from my original poll. See I think that’s why I’m a bit biased- I agree it’s a crappy comment and shouldn’t have ever been said regardless. But I saw this woman be pushed and pushed by this other one and I know her and she’s lovely. She’s certainly
not mysognystic in my opinion. Maybe because I know how the other one was insulting her; I found it less hurtful? Idk I can def see both sides. I feel like the mediator in it today.

Telling someone to stop trying to start an argument is fine.
Telling someone to go home is fine.
Telling someone to "go home to your children, as you should" is hugely inappropriate.

go home to your children, as you should

As she should? Meaning as a woman she should stay home with her children? I'm sorry but if someone said that to me, male or female, they'd get a good right hook to the face. That is a misogynistic comment if ever I heard one! I don't care how offensive she was, that particular comment is utterly indefensible and you should not ever defend it. That's horrible!

Yes it is misogynistic. The only thing your friend can do is apologise and maybe blame it on the alcohol if she was drunk?

I would find this extremely offensive . Stop causing an argument- that fine. No need to bring children into it.