To think this comment is not that hurtful?

[Lis1992]

If a colleague said to you on a night out ‘ just stop trying to start an argument and go home to your children, as you should’ would you find it super offensive? I don’t think it’s that bad- Am I in the minority? The person that made the comment told me that they’re getting a terrible time about saying it, even though they apologised!

It’s judgmental and sexist and when you provided no context it’s impossible to say if it was warranted.

I hate the ‘go home to your children’ - I imagine they were in bed. Was she supposed to go and stare at them til they woke up?

Yeah, the 'go home to your children, as you should' is really patronising and judgmental. Fine to say stop arguing and go home (if that was appropriate to the behaviour!) but not to paint it as the person concerned being a failure as a mother.

She’s certainly not mysognystic in my opinion.

You mean you've never witnessed it before.

If you're not a misogynist, you don't come out with misogynistic comments 🤷‍♀️

This is why alcohol and work nights out are becoming a thing of the past.

Does the one who made the comment have children too?

I think it was a shitty comment but I can see how it might not have been meant as unpleasantly as it came out.

Would you excuse racism if someone was "pushed" and still define them as lovely? It's using the insult as old as time against a woman and suggesting that she's doing something wrong, because she isn't tied to her children. It doesn't matter what your opinion is, it's misogynistic. Would you mediate if it was any other sort of ism?

Yes an awful comment. Very sexist and rude.

Hardly sexist - plenty of men are single parents too.

Did you say it

Yep rude. Especially the 'as you should'. Would they say that to a man do you think? I assume the kids weren't left alone with a gin soaked rag.

I'd think this but not say it to any parent, a father who is out looking for trouble leaving his partner and children at home. I don't think it's misogynistic just because this parent happened to be female.

Totally out of order and nothing to do with the situation on the night out. Fine to tell her to stop trying start an argument and to go home as that's relevant. Not fine to start bringing their family into it.

Depends really. If a man said it to a woman - big mistake! Even if she was trying to start an argument. If a dad said it yo another dad, just a bit odd. Why bring the kids onto it?

"Gin-soaked rag" made me choke on my cup of tea. 😂

Brilliant turn of phrase👏

I think it was a shitty comment but I can see how it might not have been meant as unpleasantly as it came out.

Oh come on.

Everyone knows you don't bring someone's kids up in an argument.

OK, so in that case she probably meant something along the lines of 'haven't you got more important things to worry about than whatever you're trying to start an argument over?' However, what she actually said sounded rather like she was acusing the other woman of being a negligent mother. I'm not surprised that today she is choking on her Giants foot!

It's fine for the colleague (A) who commented to have said "please stop trying to cause an argument" - the collague (B) addressed may not have felt they WERE trying to cause an argument and therefore may have felt it was an unfair comment, but it's mainly judgemental undiplomatic, not full-on unprofessional or offensive. The rest of it, though, is extremely inappropriate - A can certainly ask B to stop arguing, can decline to continue a conversation with B, and can absent themself from B's presence if necessary. However, A has no say over what B does after they part company - anything beyond the argument ending or the two separating for the time being is an overstep, and as mentioned "as you should". It's none of A's business is B goes home or not, it's inapprorpiate out of line to bring children into it, and A does not get to decide what type of behaviour B exercises in B's personal life ("as you should").

I don't know of hurtful I'd the right word but it's certainly rude, offensive, condescending, judgmental and crosses a line.

Strongly suspect the comment was made by someone who doesn't have children too.

If it was a work sponsored event, the person who said it is lucky that it hasn't been reported to HR.

I’d hit the roof if someone said that to me.
my kids are looked after and I’m entitled to a night out. Why should I go home to them if they are safe and cared for? It would proper rile me that

“To your children, as you should” is hugely mysogynistic and offensive. I’d be furious if someone said that to me. I’d report it to my employer and would expect them to discipline the other employee. Although it happened outside of work, the incident has a bearing on our working relationship so it comes under the employer”s jurisdiction.

I think it depends if the person saying it knows the parent's situation. If it's a father known for going out looking for trouble, leaving his partner with the kids time and time again, or another family member caring for his kids on his contact time if separated, then it may be entirely appropriate to tell him he should be home with his kids.

If someone was slinging insults at me then yes I’d bite back and say something like this, or it would be a why don’t you f@@k off.

I don’t see an issue with it in the heat of an arguement.

Go home, stop trying to start an argument: fine
To your children, as you should: completely out of order. Somehow even worse coming from another woman.